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The Hard To Please Epinioner's Personality-Development Primer: The H_T_P Love FestSep 11 '01 (Updated Aug 22 '03) Write an essay on this topic.
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The Bottom Line Don't worry about others being hard_to_please. Accepting your own perceived shortcomings will help you to feel comfortable being yourself and improve both_your_writing persona and your_quality_of_life_generally.
I. INTRODUCTION A wise Scottish poet named Robert Burns, in a poem entitled, "To A Mouse," once admonished: "O wad some Pow'r the giftie gie us To see oursels as others see us! It wad frae monie a blunder free us An' foolish notion: What airs in dress an' gait wad lea'e us, And ev'n Devotion!" Translated into user-friendly English, Burns, here, says: Oh, it would be some power if God gave us the ability to see how we appeared to the people with whom we interact. It would free us from many blunders and foolish notions. Whatever pompousness and false airs we conveyed, in our presentations and in our actions, would leave us, even pretended piety (i.e., "holier than thou" hypocrisy.) II. THE "UGLY-MIRROR" And so you ask: "29th, what is it with you? Must there ALWAYS be some silly angle with your reviews?" Which makes me think to myself: "Wow, [please insert your name here] has a good point. I always DO try to generate some cockamaime point-presentation angle... ." Hey! See that? You, kind reader, have for the time being, provided me with a pretension-stripping mirror; question is, is it big enough to reflect my industrial-sized pretentiousness, and, assuming it is, am I in such a hurry to avail myself of its unflattering revelations? On the other hand, if I began to grasp what a truly pompous, self-satisfied ass I am, would I still want to write? Is there a third option? I believe there is... . III. A THIRD OPTION? The Third Option, or the "Hard_To_Please" Option, for purposes of this discussion, is to develop a writing persona that inculcates the attitude and writing style which have (for me, and many others) become synonymous with Mark's "Hard_To_Please" user-handle. It's the option with the writing persona that says: "Hey, look-- you and I both know we're fools, but we don't have to poison-pen each other over it, do we? Let's have some fun with it, instead. In fact, as a show of good faith, I'll go first; poke some fun at myself, have fun doing it, and, by the time you finish reading what I've written, you'll feel so good about those shortcomings and foibles you, of late, considered your least flattering qualities, that you'll want to celebrate them too." Okay, that was not very succinct. How about, "Mark makes people feel good about themselves?" Well... That states it succinctly, but it fails to capture the essence of Mark's epinions writing persona. Permit me one more try. How 'bout: "Mark's easy-going, self-deprecating, folksy humor and disarming, graceful wit enables his reader, not only to acknowledge her/his own human shortcomings, but in fact, to celebrate and rejoice in them." This is, I believe, the very essence of "CHARM." If "CHARISMA" is that quality in someone that makes another or others believe they (the latter) have the capability of exceeding their self-imposed limits; that anything is possible, "CHARM" is that quality that first allows them to realize that being human is not really such a horrible thing. IV. "CHARM" & "CHARISMA:" ALIVE AND WELL, AND LIVING IN YOUR PERSONALITY Both "charm" and "charisma" are, I believe, qualities inherent in everyone's personality. What makes these two attributes seem so uncommon is not so much their lack of availability, as it is their lack of "surface exposure." Why do they shun daylight? Why do these elusive attributes seem to prefer to swim the subterranean levels of the soul's dark oceans and caves? I would argue that they are forced into a sub-surface existence by the sheer weight and scale of the baser "survivor attributes" of our collective personality. These "survivor attributes," are the natural enemies of charm and charisma. The former, though not nearly as powerful as the latter, use their amazing adaptability to the squalid indifference of the human condition and the oppressive pettiness of human interaction, to germinate and proliferate their overwhelming numbers, until charm and charisma are driven into hiding to avoid being suffocated. V. WELCOMING "SURVIVOR ATTRIBUTES" BACK INTO THE PERSONALITY'S FAMILY The personality's "survivor attributes;" specifically fear, insecurity, pettiness, humorlessness, greed, lack of trust, jealousy, ignorance, pessimism, intolerance, incivility, being judgmental/prejudgmental, prejudice, the lack of the ability to believe in something beyond one's self, and lack of vision, among others, while not inherently "bad" or "evil," do become so, when we fail to responsibly acknowledge them. When we take these orphans and castaways of our humanity too "seriously," or try to deny their existence, or suppress them, or mischaracterize them as "evil," (when all they really are is "human,") we inspire them with a life and personality of their own. In the same insidious manner that the dishonesty of "political correctness" manifests its equivocally-communicated self in that which we refrain from communicating (i.e., "when we don't say it, we display it,") our foolish attempts to deny or suppress, a la Robert Burns' poem above, the family relationship we share with our personality's darker children, only serves to make their "family resemblance" that much more striking and apparent. Consequently, we end up looking like fools, not so much because we are fools; --that has long been well-established fact, but rather because we try so hard to deny the humanity of our foolishness. VI. BEING LIKE MARK, RATHER THAN ATTEMPTING TO MIMIC HARD_TO_PLEASE'S INIMITABLE WRITING STYLE Over the past year and a half, I've had the extreme good fortune of being able to develop a very close friendship with Mark, both online via chats, comments, email, etc., and offline, by way of regular, extended phone conversations (often, like when we both got soused while Mark "wrote" his "Drunken Write-Off" submission, speaking for two hours or more.) I believe I've shared a fraternal closeness with Mark that exceeds even the bond I share with the majority of my homies in Los Angeles, whose local proximity and "ejections from drinking establishments in common" might indicate otherwise. Our friendship has endured some pretty rough snares, --like Mark's horrifying discovery that two months of 29th District toll calls, coupled with his failure to retain a long distance phone company, had generated him a phone bill of over $630.00. Then there was that dreary period last Christmas, when sweet, little, angelically-dispositioned Mark was so pissed off at me over what later turned out to be a misunderstanding on HIS part, he wouldn't speak to me for over a month! (Feel free to correct me on any of this Mark, should you find any of it inaccurate.) I mention these incidents to lend credibility and authoritive weight to the following revelation: "Hard_To_Please" is a human being." "Gee, 29th, big whoop! All that blather you just wrote, and THIS is the big pay-off?! What gives?" Point well-taken, friend, but THAT is exactly my point. Mark isn't great because he's Hard_To_Please; Hard_To_Please is great because he is Mark; a 9-to-5, time clock-punching, pet-loving, beer-swilling, regular guy, with a bad-ass temper, who makes mistakes and whose occasional forays down Temptation Lane aren't strictly the result of his associating with the likes of me, your 29th troublemaking narrator. What sets Mark apart from "the blind and battling multitudes" and makes his personality shine, is his straightforward, easing going acceptance of himself; both the "good" and the "bad." (How else could someone talk about pee-pee in every one of his reviews and be applauded for doing so?) This, in turn, makes the people around Mark, or who read Mark, feel accept and feel good about themselves. VII. THE "HARD_TO_PLEASE" WRITING PERSONA: AN EXCELLENT, ALL-AROUND PERSONALITY ROLE MODEL In light of the above, the person seeking to develop, not just an epinions personality, but a successful personality for day-to-day living and social interaction, is advised not to take him/herself too seriously; to take her/his shortcomings in stride. By adopting this attitude, a person will find it easier to trust his/her instincts and be her/him self, with respect to both written and spoken dialogue. Mark's body of work here at epinions, provides an excellent example of a personal style and attitude that manifests this philosophy to its very fullest extent, and the disarming charm and charismatic flair exuded by Mark's "Hard_To_Please" writing persona demonstrate that it is a very effective formula for personal success, not just here at epinions, but in life generally. Thank You For Your Kind Read-- Best Regards-- Jim Scileppi, (the 29th_Candidate) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Please take time to read the superb contributions of these other participants in the Hard_To_Please Love Fest: 2buzy, AinsleyJo, Arthur.Rubin, Auldbawl1, BARNZ, Biggs219, blackcat2, bops_mom, brendametcalf, bwyckoff1, cldoss, cripper, daddieo, Deaser26, DiverPam, dragonfire88, Dr_Steph, eplovejoy, 29th Candidate, flamepillar, fransbebe, frazzledspice, ggrimes1221, GinaHill, ginzo, gonow, grandgram, Granniemose, gransurfer1, Hadassahchana, Hikini, hypotenuse, ifif1938, jankp, jgibson2, jkkelley, jo.com, Kevlog, Lady Cynic, Linda1527, lisa_j, Lizf, LordAngel, MaryTara, MattJoe, melissasrn, michealhead, Michiman1, mcmaster, mkp51, momsworkinlate movielover123, msmorvay, mtbat, nathsmom, NoMattrWht, nwinston, pambo, Pamelita3099, pogomom, prfstars, PSobel, purplewiz, Redhotleigh, repulsemonkey, roxymarie, sherrylee, SLOW, Sordid-1, Sunkah, Suzer, Taurusmoon, teddiec, viper1963, and Zenhues. For a link to all the reviews in the write-off, please visit: http://interlinediscounts.com/writeoff.htm. To send your own donations via Paypal, to help Mark fight his battle with cancer, go to: http://www.paypal.com and send money to Mark's account - dude4u@netzero.net Or, you can send donations to him at the following address: Serious Business Attn: Mark P.O. Box 852 O'Fallon, MO 63366 Get well soon, Mark!!  |
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