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Fatherhood a blessingSep 10 '01 Write an essay on this topic.
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The Bottom Line Fatherhood isn't easy but it is fun. Remember spend time with your kids and let them know you love them.
I have read some wonderful essays on this subject tonight, some made me cry, some made me smile. I don’t know that my essay will be on par with some of my fellow Epinion writers, but I hope my essay will be helpful to some. I think I have approached it from a different angle than others, it is a hard topic to write on but I wanted to tackle it any way. Bear with me as I ramble tonight. I am a father for 5 years and a stepfather for 6 years. I have a bachelor’s degree in Psychology. So does this qualify me to write on this subject probably not, but I’m going to anyway. I would hope that all fathers to be and guys who are already fathers would know or be doing this, but I think it’s good to remind ourselves of some important things about being a father every once in a while. In my opinion one of if not the most important things is to let your kids know YOU LOVE THEM. I try to let my son know this and my step kids when I see them (they don’t live with us, and are grown and on their own) as much as possible. As a lot of you know my son just recently started kindergarten and I am extremely proud of him. It is probably one of the reasons I decided to write this essay, watching him grow up is a lot of fun, but part of me hurts because I want him to remain that little boy who runs to Daddy with glee. He still does but I know the day is coming when he says Dad please don’t call me tiger anymore. (My nickname for him since the day he was born.) I think he knows when I call him tiger it’s a loving nickname for him from me. Daddy is the only one allowed to call him that even now. I know he knows I love him, however, I feel it very important to let him know at least 5 times if not more a day that I love him. I stress you cannot let your kids know you love them to much. Another important thing, which is hard to do, is give loving discipline. What is loving discipline you may ask well let me explain if your child is doing something wrong punish him. Don’t give in if he starts having a tantrum, what I do often is say when you can talk to me in a calm manner please come to me and we will talk. You may say that works with a 5 year old? Well yes it does because he knows he will not watch the TV. program or go outside until he calms down and talks to me. Believe it or not you can have discussions with toddlers about what they did to make you angry. Lately, he has taken to the you hate me phrase every time he doesn’t get his way, I reassure him I do not hate you, but you are not going to get the toy, or we are not going to Chuckie Cheese, or whatever it is that he wants and is not getting. I explain why he cannot have the item he is after; basically we can’t afford everything he wants. I always let him know that no matter what he does or says I will always love him. I make sure he understands that I am not pleased with his behavior and I don’t want him acting that way again, but I love him and nothing he can do will ever stop me from loving him. Therefore, my point is discipline your children, but don’t make them think you will ever withhold your love. Also, in the discipline category don’t make threats you cannot possibly carry out. I will never tell my son I’m going to beat you black and blue because he knows I would never do it. Please don’t beat your kids, that is a sign you don’t love them. I am not saying that a well placed spank every once in a while isn’t appropriate, but don’t beat your kids. I also don’t use phrases like I heard a parent use once “Go play in traffic” that is horrendous so please refrain from making comments like that it really downs a childs self-esteem and again it makes them feel unwanted and unloved. Be stern follow through with your threats if they don’t stop their behavior. An example is when we went grocery shopping, the other night; my son wanted a book (which he can usually get because that is something we like to encourage reading). Well, he started to act up in the store we said stop or you won’t get a book. He stopped misbehaving for a little bit and started again the warning came again. The behavior stopped for a while the third time he started acting up he was out no book. My son didn’t get the book of course a slight tantrum was thrown in the store, which can be embarrassing but I was not going to give in. Next time we go to the store I hope he will know we mean what we say if he misbehaves. Enough on discipline my next topic is Be There For Your Kids all these lessons where learned from a great dad mine. I must say as hard and as much as my dad worked he was always there for me. He didn’t miss a band concert or a basketball game in which I participated and it meant the world to me. My son has been in a couple small plays at the local Barnes & Noble book store and you better believe I made sure I was off so I could be there for him. His first week of school I took my vacation so I could be there when he went off and when he got home. Of course I work the night shift so I still see him off in the morning and am there when he gets home. I really think this item is important you need to support your child in their interests. Even if you are not really interested support your kid in it. I don’t know if Ryan will go into baseball or not I personally think it is one of the most boring sports (please don’t nh me all you baseball lovers), but if he chooses to play I will be at the games. Help develop your child to be independent and develop their uniqueness. Let your kid’s know you are proud of them this is an item I probably neglect, but I am trying to get better at. For instance, he is learning sign language in kindergarten and will come home and teach us the signs he has learned, which I am interested in learning myself, but I say boy it’s really great how well you are learning the sings I’m really proud of you. I tell you what the smile on his face when he hears that will get me through the worst days. I feel this goes hand in hand with what I mentioned in the previous paragraph about being there for your child. Support them he asked us about learning the letters of the alphabet in sign language so Dad and Ryan found a book at the library, and also found the signs on the internet, which I printed out, for him so he could learn them. If you show enthusiasm for what they want to learn it helps build their confidence and helps them continue wanting to learn. Share with your kids I don’t care how young or old they are but let your kids know how you feel about things. If you are worried about something let your kids in on it. We recently had a slow down at my work so I missed some days due to lack of work. My son thought this was great because Dad was home all the time, but I let him know I was worried because it meant Dad wouldn’t be making as much money as he usually does. I explained we all would have to make some sacrifices he might not be able to go out to eat one week, we usually go out to eat once a week. Or we may not be able to go to a museum we also try to go to a museum or the zoo or some kind of fun event every week. I explained my worry and he said you know what daddy I can manage doing without something because I like having you here. “I love you daddy no matter what.” Now if that didn’t make all my worries and concerns go away for a little bit I don’t know what would. (Side note I got word that a big project is coming in this week so dad will be back to work.) My point here is no matter how young your child seems they understand feelings so share yours with them. It will also help them share their feelings with you, which is very important. Ask them how they feel, and show interest in how they feel. You may not wish to go into all the details but at least share something with them. Give them choices let them choose an activity to do or a restaurant to go to. Let them make decisions start this at a young age. We gave our son choices when he was 3 would you like chicken for dinner tonight or pork? It’s a simple decision but it will help develop confidence for them as they get older and need to make other more complicated decisions. A decision they may have to make in school is weather or not to try drugs. Talk to your kid’s early about this. We already have talked to my son who is only five, but in today’s world I worry. There is a neat video all-star cartoons against drugs or something like that it has cartoon characters ranging from Winnie the Pooh to Bugs Bunny on it. He loves watching this because of all the characters but it was an opening for us to discuss if someone offers him drugs to just say no. Listen to your children it is very important for you to listen to what your child tells you. If you expect them to listen to you, you had better be willing to listen to them. I am sure you have known people who wanted to tell you all kinds of things to do and how to do it but wouldn’t listen to your point of view, and it drove you crazy. Well, think about how your kids must feel if you never listen to them, but are always telling them how to feel or what to do. Listening is an acquired skill, which all fathers (actually all parents but the topic is about fatherhood) must learn and help their children develop. Learn how to say I’m sorry it is important if you make a mistake and yell at your child or do something that was wrong to them to say I’m sorry. And when you say it mean it. Let your children know you are human and make mistakes also. If you can let your children hear you apologize to them and admit you make mistakes it will help them respect you. A few notes of things you can do for your children, which I think reinforces all the above topics are things like read to your children and if they are old enough have them, read to you. This is an area I feel strongly about this is a great opportunity to share with your children. Bring your kids places parks, zoos, ball games, and museums, etc. it will help your children be exposed to various pursuits and will help develop their interests. Doing things with your kids is very important it shows love, support and interest in them. Help develop your children into good adult, but don’t try to mold them. Your children do have your genes but they are not carbon copies and please don’t try to make them out to be carbon copies. Help foster their individuality. I would like to conclude by saying this is just some of the things I feel help make a good father, do I always do them, heck no. I hope I am still a good father to my kids. I think one last thing we need to acknowledge, as dad’s is we are not perfect and we shouldn’t try to be. We will make mistakes but as I said above we have to be able to let our kids know we can goof up and we are sorry. Thanks for letting me ramble I hope if you are a father or soon to be father reading this some of my ramblings will be helpful. I think it was a little therapeutic for myself so again I thank you all for sticking with me and reading the epistle according to Klueger. Oh and I know some of you will disagree with me hear, but one thing I find helpful is I ask God every day to help me be the best father and disciple to my kids (and husband to wife) that I can. God has given me strength a lot of times in not losing my temper with my son. All right, I am finally done thank you all for reading my take on fatherhood.  |
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