Do Not Hide Your Children From The Truths Of The Attack On America
Sep 18 '01
The Bottom Line Listen to the children...Talk truthfully with the children instead of hiding truths...Heal together.
In light of the Attack On America, I have received much negativity on the way I have handle it with my children. There was even a couple who were so outraged with me that they said that they were sorry that my children had me as a mother.
On that fateful day, my mother called me from work to tell me to turn on the television because a plane had crashed into the World Trade Center. I home school my children, so I halted all lesson plans and all of us watched in total disbelief. At first my son thought we were watching a movie. I had to explain to him that this was very much reality. He was glued to the television for most of the day.
None of my children, ages 8, 5 and 20 months, had any nightmares. Perhaps it is because we have had in depth discussions on death and the violence that takes place in history and in present time. I do not and will not shelter my children from the harshness of reality. If this makes me a terrible mother, whatever. At least my children know that I will always tell them the truth instead of hiding them from it.
We have, however, discussed the events in more detail. My children have even gone so far as to think about what it must have been like to be one of the victims or apart of the victims' families. Since we view death differently than most people, we all took the time to sympathize and pray for the victims and their families. We do not normally pray for the victims that have passed on because we believe that they are in a much better place and that the tears and grief are not for those who have died but for ourselves--in this case the families. It is not wrong to cry, it is apart of the healing process for so many.
As we continue to watch the news, we try to think about how the victims felt, what were their last thoughts and even the question of why came up. We thought about the families without their loved ones. We have offered many healing prayers to Tunkashila (the word for God in our spirituality) and we will continue to offer these prayers.
I believe that the reason why my children are taking this incident rather well considering is because we are so open with each other. I feel that because of this openness, they do not feel as afraid because they were not shelter at all from the facts from the event. They have a better understanding because of this.
Sure, there is still uncertainty and a little worry about the events that have yet to come, but we refuse to let these terrorist let fear rule our life. We are observant and alert but we also know that our life must move on. If we allow this incident to disrupt our live entirely, then the terrorist have won in the worst way.
Of course, those who are directly involved will need much more time to move on in their lives and this is totally understandable. My heart and my prayers go out to them. The rest of the nation should not let this effect their daily lives. I, at least, refuse to allow my children to dwell on the negative, but to look to the future and think in a positive way.
The community here has held many get-togethers focusing on helping the children to cope with this tragedy. This is all good except I do not know how just singing songs and holding candles will help those children that are having a difficult time with this. My question is why don't they allow the children to discuss what is on their minds and in their hearts? Why don't they allow them to discuss their feelings? Children are human beings too and they are far from stupid. They have feelings, so why not let them discuss them? Many children are stronger than adults give them credit for. I believe that many adults can learn from the children and help heal WITH the children.
It is not only our duty as parents to protect and nurture our children, but to help them learn to cope with the reality of this day and age.
My children do have their fears, don't get me wrong. They did not come out of this unscathed. I have already planned a trip that involves flying. They do not want me to go now. I have explained to them that if America quits flying, the terrorists have won. I won't allow it. I have changed my schedule though. I will call before I get on the plane, during my lay-over, once I get to my destination and then once I get to the hotel and of course, through out my trip and the same calling routine on the way home. My children are accepting, but I can still feel their concern, in which I can completely understand. I will continue to talk with them up until the morning I leave. This is apart of my open communication with them.
Here is my advice when trying to help children heal from this:
1.) Let them talk and you listen. Do NOT call them silly because it they do have fears, their fear are very real to them.
2.) Do NOT shelter them from these events. Let them know all of the facts. You will be surprised how many fears will ironically dispelled and allow them to cope with this better.
3.) After you have listened to them and honestly (not sugar coated the incident) discussed the Attack On America, talk with them. Share your fears, your feelings, your hopes, etc.
4.) Treat these children as equals. You will be amazed at how much you can learn from them and how much they can learn from your open lines of communication.
In Closing...
My thoughts and my prayers will be lifted up to Tunkashila to help the survivors, the families, and everyone on America who is having a difficult time with the Attack On America.
Mitaku Oyasin
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Member: Linda Watts
Location: Brownsboro, AL
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