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Good Grammar Pt. 1: You can't squeak by anymoreSep 24 '01 Write an essay on this topic.The Bottom Line You can't get away with bad grammar anymore. Your college professors actually know where that comma should go. It's time to learn the difference between a preposition and an interjection. I know what you've been doing. I know what you've been thinking. I used to do the same things and think the same way. Well, in this sentence, it sounds like I should take a breath here, so to insert a pause, I'll just stick in a comma. What difference does it make? There, their, they're. Affect, effect. Different from, different than. Its, it's. Which one is it? I always get those mixed up. Conjunction, preposition, interjection ... huh? If you were like me, throughout high school, you could get by with A's and B's if you knew how to spell your own name and write somewhat coherent sentences. Your English classes consisted of historical facts and classic novels. Teachers figured that if you had gotten to the 12th grade, you knew a thing or two about grammar. If not, you probably wouldn't be there. How wrong they were. The percentage of college students who knows little to nothing about proper English grammar is staggering. I've heard astonishing reports from exchange students and international visitors. To them, Americans don't even speak English. We don't respect our language enough to learn how to use it properly. We butcher it on a minute-by-minute basis. I should know; I was part of the group. Until recently, I didn't know the difference between a coordinating conjunction and a conjunctive adverb, nor did I care. I actually had been praised for my writing abilities throughout my education; no one ever mentioned anything about my grammar. As long as everything was spelled correctly and in a cohesive order, grammar didn't matter. They let it slide. But no more, my friends. The startling, astonishing fact is that in college, they know what you're up to. Your professors can sniff out grammatical errors from a mile away. They were lucky along the way; they learned. Believe it or not, most of them know where that comma is supposed to go. Most of them know the difference between an adjective and an adverb and how they each should be used. You can't get by on guessing anymore. You will be counted off on exams, your essays will be drowned in a sea of red pen, and horror or horrors, your teacher just might make an overhead copy of your grammatically inferior paper for the class to gawk at. You will be made an example. College is not the time to whine about your misdirected education and missed opportunities. It's time to do something about it -- and it's never too late. Unfortunately, college professors expect you to use proper grammar and sentence structure and abide by the rules of composition, but at the college level, there are still very few courses that teach the stuff. You must take the matter into your own hands. For some, going back to "the beginning" is the answer. Borrow your little brother or sister's Fifth grade English book. Go to the public library and check out an elementary-level grammar text book. Go online from some simple fill-in-the-blank questions. You've got to start somewhere; why not use the easiest tools available? They will make the task at hand seem much less daunting. Above all, make grammar fun. You'll be amazed when you start learning and paying more attention to the words of the world; there are too many mistakes out there -- and some of them can be pretty funny. I walked by a Taco Bell the other day, and the "f" had fallen out of the sign that read "Now Hiring All Shifts." That's grammar, and that's funny. Not everyone is cut out to be a member of the grammar police, but as a rookie or a deputy or a marshal, you can make a difference. Stay tuned for more "Good Grammar" essays! To come: -- "There are how many parts of speech?" -- "Simple, complex, compound and compound-complex come back to haunt you" -- "101 Uses for a Comma" -- "Put that semicolon where the sun don't shine" and many more! Thanks for reading and humoring my sick obsessions.  |
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