"Those SEXIST PIGS!" Passed Over MY BABY!
Sep 28 '01
The Bottom Line As a parent, when do you speak up if you feel your child has been unfairly passed over by a teacher? I guess you let the child decide.
Wednesday was my daughter's 15th birthday, but she didn't find out the bad news until Thursday because she was attending a school conference: She lost the position of her Junior ROTC company commander to -- A BOY!
If you have read some of my earlier reviews, then you're already aware that my daughter, who is a sophomore and in her second year of Junior ROTC at her high school, is a very competitive young lady. GPA just over 4.0 because of honors classes, a dedicated volunteer, loves recognition so always signs up to do extra things -- especially color guards for ROTC.
The Girl Has A Lotta Fruit Salad on Her Uniform
In 9th grade, her first year in ROTC, my daughter was her LET I Unit platoon leader. The positions were chosen a few weeks into the school year, and a boy whose academic record was not as good (in fact, had earned some detentions, so I'm told), didn't sign up for extra activities, and didn't do as well in class tests and inspections was company commander.
My daughter received her reward at the end of the school year when she was selected LET I Superior Cadet of the Year, so all of that drill team work, drill down competitions, color guard and courtesy patrol duty paid off.
Having earned the most ribbons and medals during all of last year, and probably done the most volunteer work for the class, she had her sights set on being company commander this year. She really wanted the job, and she thought she had earned it. I thought she did, too.
"Mom, They Picked..."
The new unit brass was announced on her birthday while she was gone, so my daughter learned in home room yesterday -- and from a girl she doesn't particularly like -- that a boy named Jeff was named company commander. She didn't even get to hear it from the sergeant.
"Mom, I'm platoon leader again," she said, partly angry and partly sad. Just the tone of her voice made my temperature rise a little bit.
"WHO did they pick who they thought was MORE qualified than YOU?" I asked, surprised. I wasn't disappointed, but I was mad "for" her.
"They picked Jeff. I found out this morning, and I didn't even know they announced it. I just hate finding out that way," she said.
"But at least you like Jeff," I said. "It would have been bad if they chose someone you didn't care for."
"Yeah, I like him, it's not his fault he got picked," she said. I had to smile. "I just wonder what the criteria for being company commander is, and why I didn't meet it."
"Want Me to Go Beat Up the Sergeant for You, Baby?"
My daughter had the right idea -- ask what the criteria is and see how they respond. I agreed that was the best place for her to start.
"If you're not satisfied, I could write a very nicely and politely worded letter asking the same question," I offered.
She looked at me out of the corner of her eye, dismissively. "It scares me when you stay stuff like that," she said. She must have been thinking of the polite but scathing letters I have been known to write to the editorial page of the newspaper -- one of which inspired a Congressman to visit my office and try to change my view of his performance.
"Hey, I really will be polite," I promised. "I really do know how to write a letter that's to the point, but in a nice way."
"Then I suppose you expect ME to give it to them?" she said, horrified.
"I could mail it," I said, cluelessly.
"NO! I'll ask myself when the time is right," my daughter decided. Quite firmly, I might add.
The Honest Truth: I Don't Care
In all honesty, I don't care what ranking my daughter holds in her ROTC unit. The only reason I care at all is because she cares so much.
"Okay, you handle this your own way," I said. "I think you have a valid question about the criteria that was used to choose a less-decorated cadet instead of you. But you know that you have done way more than required of you, you earned top grades, you consistently have the highest score in just about every activity, and you really love the class and being involved. I know you're the best, and I'm proud of you no matter what rank you hold. So, how do you think Jeff will feel having a platoon leader who is more decorated than he is?"
"Robert got used to it last year," she said, drily.
We talked about the highest ranking in the whole high school ROTC class -- battalion commander, which always goes to a senior. This year, it is a female.
"They could be testing your mettle and sportsmanship," I said. "Keep your eye on the bigger prize that's a couple of years away. And you can be Superior LET II Cadet at the end of this year, can't you?"
"Yes, I want to get that every year," she said.
Later, when my husband and I were home alone and discussing the issue, he said: "Well, you never know, this kid they chose instead of her might actually be in a war in a couple of years. She hasn't got any interest in that, and he might, so if that's the way it is, that's the way it is."
I hadn't considered it from that perspective. Yes, a young man might indeed be more likely to pursue a long-term career in the military than my daughter appears to be. She wants to go to medical school, and it's not too likely that she would be drafted like a young man would be.
Today, she followed through with her questioning of the criteria for company commander selection, but didn't get an answer yet. She did, however, learn that the selection was made by a female sergeant.
But I know she'll be fine. She's over her disappointment now, and the competitive spirit is stronger than ever. Still, this is one of the few times I have had to consider my role as a mother -- do I make an issue? Do I cry "sexism" or come off as a rabid stage mother whose little star is dressed in olive drab?
No. I just keep telling her how proud I am of her -- even though I want to go kick some butt! I guess I wouldn't earn my "Mom" brass if I didn't at least feel that way!
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MsHooterville
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Member: Ms Hooterville
Location: Hooterville Green Acres USA
Reviews written: 596
Trusted by: 416 members
About Me:
News and feature writer, graphic designer and artist, wife and mother, small business owner.
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