I spent one very fun week at Club Med Turquoise (Turks and Caicos) April 28 to May 5, 2001. It was my annual "Mom's Vacation Away!" In this long review, I hope to give you a flavor for the island, and the Club Med. It’s a party week in paradise you won’t soon forget!

I chose this Club Med because it was an all-adult club. After all, I was getting away from the kids, and I wanted to be around just adults. As a happily married woman, it was kinda strange to be around all these singles. But nevertheless, I had a great time and made some new girlfriends. Perhaps next year, my kids will go with both me and my husband to one of the family Club Meds. Up to now, they've resisted the idea.

I've also been to Club Med Moorea. If you're interested, read my long review of that Club Med (under the category "French Polynesia"). I was there in 1999.


The Basics

Club Med Turquoise is situated on beautiful, calm Grace Bay. Provo itself is a sleepy island with less tourist infrastructure than other destinations. The Club Med can accommodate 600 guests, with most from the East Coast, particularly the New York/New Jersey area. Only about 10 percent of guests were from other countries. During the week I went, most of the guests were in their 20s and early 30s, with a smattering of people in their 40s and older. I assume that this is the norm. There were as many couples as there were singles.

This Club Med is built to party. A few years ago, I went to the Club Med in Moorea, which was much more mellow in comparison. At Club Med Turquoise, the party literally never stops until the last guest drops. However, if you just want to come to get away from it all, you can find a quiet spot on the beach, eschew the group activities, and enjoy the fantastic water and nighttime sky.

If you want a vacation with a beautiful beach, great snorkeling and diving, and nightlife that reaches into the wee hours, this is the place for you.

If you’ve never been to a Club Med before, let me explain a couple of things. The people who work there are called GOs, which stands for the French phrase Gentile Organiseur (or something like that…basically an organizer of the people). As a guest you are called a GM (Gentile Member). Pardon my bad French.

The attitude of the staff really varies. Some GOs are very friendly and helpful. Some are noticeably burned out and crusty. One night, a GO sat at our table, got very drunk on beer, and waxed poetic on the stupidity of the GMs he’s dealt with. Another GO on the bar staff ruthlessly pursued a woman I’d become friendly with, ignoring her disinterest and frequent "no thank yous" (you’d almost call it stalking, it got downright scary!) If you’re female and you go to this Club Med, be prepared for the GOs to hit on you. I’m not sure if it’s against Club Med’s rules for the GOs to get sexually involved with the GMs. Whatever the policy, it was ignored by many members of the staff, and some were quite forward about their desires. For instance, one GO asked a friend of mine if she wanted to go over to the beach at 2 a.m. I don’t think he had stargazing in mind. If you’re up past 2 a.m., it seems that you’re fair game. Hey baby, they come, calling after you, "Whatcha doing? Leaving so soon? This is Club Med, not Club Dead!" It became quite annoying after a while.

Overall, the staff was very nice and gracious, but that Club Med I don’t give a sh*t attitude is alive and well at Turquoise. I’ve been at enough Club Meds to expect it and laugh it off. I think it comes from day after day of dealing with GMs and the pressures of their daily jobs (yes, they work in paradise, but they do have jobs to perform). When you go to Club Med, don’t expect that you’ll receive the same level of service or yes attitude you’d receive at the Ritz Carlton. Expect less and don’t worry about it. After all, you’re there to enjoy the beach and the fun. Service is secondary.

The Club's chief, Hendel, and his main staff members, were extremely nice and very interactive with the guests, often coming around at dinner time to say hello.

Most of the time, the spotty service isn’t a problem. However, it did get annoying for a friend of mine. She needed a washcloth. The maid didn’t give her any, even after she had requested one. After several days sans washcloth, she complained at the front desk. She was told (quote) "This is a three trident Club. We don’t have the type of amenities you’d find at a four trident Club". So there you have it folks. In case you were wondering about the difference between three and four tridents, the answer is: washcloths. My friend found a scissor and made her own washcloth from a towel.

For the record, there are also no boxes of tissues.

If you venture outside of the club, there is no need to worry about foreign currency. The mighty US dollar is the norm. English is almost exclusively spoken.

Both smokers and non-smokers have their own sections of the restaurant and nightclub. However, if you dislike smoke, you’ll be hard-pressed to escape it. They even sell cigars after dinner (how trendy).

If you happen to get sick or injured, there is an infirmary. Their supplies are rather limited; for instance, they have Tylenol but not Ibuprofen (Advil). So if you anticipate any problems, take your own drugs (I always do this). If you need extensive medical treatment, there is a doctor nearby.

If you want a massage, you can get 25 minutes for $38, or an hour for $72.


Arrival

When you arrive, expect to have a cheap plastic bracelet slapped onto your wrist. This identifies you as a Club Med guest. If you don’t like the idea of wearing the bracelet around your wrist, you can opt for the ankle, which I feel is far less annoying.

You are met at Provo airport by a Club Med representative and ushered into a van. If you took the charter flight, the ride is free. If you paid for land-only, it will cost $7 cash. The drive to the Club takes about 20 minutes. The arrival at this Club is NOT celebrated with singing (unlike other Clubs I’ve visited). However, you do get a glass of fruit juice. After your luggage is taken out of the van, a GO with a clipboard tells you what room you are in. If you’re not on the list for whatever reason, you must go to the front desk to check in and get your room assignment.

After you have your room key, you are grouped with others who are staying in your general area and escorted to your room. Your luggage is dropped off at one of the nearby luggage depot areas, where you can pick it up in about 15 minutes.

Upon checking in, you open a tab and are issued a white ID card, and a beach towel card, both the size of a business card. You are also issued a plastic holder attached to a braided rope. Your ID card, room key, and bar booklets fit into this plastic holder. It’s a convenient way to keep your possessions on hand (around your neck, under your shirt). You can buy a book of bar tickets, as well. (This is how you buy drinks at the bar).

The bar ticket books range from about $15 for a small book to $35 for an extra-large book. Drinks are expensive, however, so expect to spend at least $100 in tickets for a one-week stay. If you plan to drink a lot of beer or well drinks, you’ll wrack up quite a bill, so be prepared for that. I drank non-alcoholic fruit slushies my entire time, and wound up buying two $21 ticket books! Bottled water costs money, but a glass of water is free.

As the week progressed, I noticed that sometimes the bartenders said that the drinks cost more tickets. For example, on Monday I bought a pina colada slushie and it cost three blue tickets. On Tuesday they told me it was four blue tickets. By Friday, it was five (I refused and gave them four). I don't know whehter the bartenders do this on purpose to take advantage of drunk GMs, don't know the real cost of the drinks, or just don't care. So pay attention, because those ticket books evaporate faster than you'd think.

Use the beach towel card to obtain a blue beach towel from the laundry near the restaurant. The card entitles you to one towel. You can turn in a dirty towel and get a clean one at any time. However, sometimes there is nobody in the towel kiosk. In that case, you must keep your dirty towel (because without visibly throwing an old towel in the bin, you cannot get a new one). At the end of the week, be sure to turn in your last towel and get your white card back.


Accommodations

Like most other Club Meds, the rooms at Turquoise are Spartan. Most rooms are in three-level buildings. If climbing stairs if a problem for you, ask for a ground-floor unit when making your reservations. I didn’t share with a roommate, so I had a king bed (really two twins put together). There is a closet but no dresser per se, just a desk with drawers too small for anything but underwear. I draped my clothes on the chairs. The room is air-conditioned. You have an option for air-conditioning OR fans (not both at the same time) which I thought was strange. There is a safe in the closet. Each room also has a TV with a few Florida and cable channels, a telephone, a hairdryer and a few soap/shampoo amenities. There is no clock or alarm clock in the room. The shower doesn’t have very high pressure, but it is a hand-held/mounted unit. The windows are the louvered type and they keep the noise out pretty well. Generally I found the rooms to be quiet. Even the people near the Disco said their rooms were quiet. If you like to sleep in total darkness, bring an eyeshade. Light does filter in from the outside. There are no drapes, just sliding wooden shutters.

The safe in the closet is large enough to hold a hip-pack or small purse. Although there are instructions on the door, it took me a while to realize how to use it properly. If you want to print out this review and take it with you, I’ll include my improved instructions for you here (I’m a technical writer, and I can’t stand bad instructions!):

Put your belongings in the safe.
Press RESET.
Enter a numeric code you make up.
Close the safe door and press the CLOSE button. The code you entered will appear on the digital readout for about 10 seconds. Then you will see a series of dashes. Then the digital screen will go black.

To open the safe, just type in your code. As you type each number, it should appear on the digital screen. Then the dashes will appear. As the safe is readied to open, the dashes will disappear one by one, and then the door opens.

The electricity in your room is powered by the plastic card attached to your key. (You insert the card into an infrared holder near the door). If you don’t want to come back to a dark, stuffy room, you can get around this easily. Just tear off the back of your bar booklet and insert IT, instead. Works like a charm.

The only thing I found distasteful about my room were the tiny ants forever scurrying around the sink. Club Med will spray your room if you wish. I just took care of the problem with hairspray. I hate bugs and these tiny ants didn’t bother me too much. It just would have been nicer if they hadn’t been there at all.


The Beach

Grace Bay is situated on the northern side of Provo. A couple of dozen resorts line the beach, but none of them are high-rise or hulking. Club Med is at the far eastern end of the Bay. The reef, approximately 400 yards out, breaks the water, making a calm beachfront. The powdery white sand is sensual under your feet. You don’t want to wear surf shoes or tevas on this beach. To miss the feeling of the sand under foot would truly be a shame.

As with many Caribbean destinations, the sun is very strong and the beach gets hot. Club Med provides large wooden palapas (umbrella structures) along the beach. But don’t expect to wander out at 11 a.m. and grab one for yourself. Cunning guests pry themselves out of bed at 7 a.m. and place a towel or other belongings on chairs under the palapas, claiming them for the entire day. You can catch some shade if you don’t mind sharing (the palapas can accommodate 5 or 6 lounge chairs in various positions). But if you really need shade and want privacy, I suggest that you bring your own beach umbrella.

The water is the most incredible hue of crystal turquoise I’ve ever seen. Aside from an occasional patch of seaweed, it is clear. The bottom is sandy, even wading waist deep. Most of the time the water is extremely calm. The week I was there, a storm in the Florida area stirred the water up a bit, but I understand that is rather unusual.

If you’re in the mood for long walks or morning beach jogs, you can practically walk the entire length of Grace Bay.

If you want to read near the beach in the shade, a classical music gazebo is located near the B and C room sections. The gazebo holds about a dozen chairs. A nice place to read, doze, and relax.


Sports and Activities

There’s plenty here to keep you busy. From water aerobics to trapeze lessons, it’s all here. If you don’t just want to veg at the beach, you can literally be kept busy from dawn to dusk between sports, lessons, and exercise classes. The fitness center is air-conditioned and very well equipped, with the latest Lifecycles and weight machines. At various times throughout the day, you can join soccer, basketball, or other group sports games. There are tennis courts and a tournament (both singles and doubles) during the week. You can learn to windsurf or sail a small boat. If you want the high-flying life, try the trapeze or just some juggling lessons. Is your dancing not up to par? There are daily dance lessons, too.

Other Club Meds I’ve visited issue a sheet detailing all the activities and their times. Club Med Turquoise doesn’t; if you want to know what’s going on, you must either check the board near the restaurant, or tune to channel 14 on your TV.

Many people like to hang out by the pool. This scene is anything but quiet. Not only do noisy water aerobics take place here, but several “entertainment” skits throughout the day. There is usually (good) rock and roll music playing over the speakers. If you want peace and quiet, go to the beach.


Water Activities

Club Med hosts two daily snorkeling trips, at 10 a.m. and 2:45 p.m. You don’t need to sign up in advance; just show up at the snorkeling shack about 15 minutes earlier to sign in and get your equipment. This FREE boat trip travels to one of various locations on the reef. You get about 45 minutes in the water. Depending on the ocean conditions, the snorkeling can range from fair to fabulous, with spottings of rays and sea turtles, and the occasional appearance of JoJo the dolphin. Generally, the water is calmer in the morning. However, if you’ve been up to the wee hours partying, you probably won’t be able to pry yourself out of bed for the 10 a.m. trip.

The snorkeling equipment is average (rubber, not silicone). You get fins and must wear a life vest. If you are serious about your snorkeling, bring your own mask and snorkel. Believe me, it’s worth the money.

I don’t dive, so I don’t have much information about the diving operation. However, I do know that you can get your diving certification at the Club if you desire. If you want to know more about the diving at Club Med, I suggest you search on google.com or read other people’s comments on epinions.com. Other forums and sites have also posted information about diving at Club Med.

While Club Med employs J and B tours to do its excursions (which range from $35 to $225), there is one FREE beach/snorkeling trip that Club Med sponsors. This trip is held on Wednesdays, from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. You must sign up in advance the previous evening at Sharkies (the beach bar at the far end of the Club). Space is limited to about 50 people, so don’t expect to show up on Wednesday morning and get a space.

The Wednesday trip is very nice. You take a half-hour ride out to the reef and snorkel for about a half hour. Then you go to a nearby beach for a picnic. No alcohol is served on this trip, nor is it welcomed, and the staff is serious about this issue. Lunch consists of barbequed chicken, hotdogs, hamburgers, garden burgers, a couple of salads, cookies, and fruit. To drink, you can have water or soda. You can hang out at the beach and take a dip in the water before heading back to the boat for a second round of snorkeling. This is one trip where you must slather on the sunscreen, because there is no shade, except for a small awning on the boat. Take a hat and a t-shirt to cover up!

If you are going to Provo (or many other Caribbean destinations) between May and July, the Thimble jellyfish might be a problem (I have read this on several tourism forums).


Excursions

J and B Tour Company runs the excursion desk, which is near the front desk. You must sign up and pay in advance. The only excursion I went on was the Beach Cruise. The iguanas on Iguana Island were cute, and the snorkeling was fantastic. It was a very pleasant way to spend half a day. I had wanted to go on the Island Discovery, but it was cancelled due to choppy sea conditions. Here’s a brief rundown of the trips and their cost:

Full Day Trips

Cave Safari to Middle Caicos $145
Island Discovery, all around Provo with snorkeling and lunch $125
French Cay, snorkeling and shipwreck $125
Island Getaway, a romantic private day $175 per couple
West Caicos Dive, 2 or 3 tanks, $80 or $130; Night dive $110
Grand Turk by airplane $225
Full Day of Sailing $92


Half Day Trips

Beach Cruise, to Iguana Island with snorkeling $55
Native Cruise, snorkeling and explore the Blue Hills $59
Sunset Booze Cruise $39
Sunset (non-booze) Cruise $39
Half day Sailing at sunset $39
Half Day Sailing with Lunch, $72
Island Shopping Tour $35

Golf (18 holes), Green Fees from $90 to $110 per round

Kayaking with a Marine Biologist, $75

Bottom Barracuda $140
Bone Fishing, $140
Deep Sea Fishing, $165


Entertainment

Each night after dinner, the staff puts on a show. It ranges from lame to fabulous, depending on the current staff members. One night, the GOs did a Michael Jackson impersonation show. Yes, it sounds horrible. But it was quite impressive. The GO who did Michael Jackson was an incredible dancer, and the supporting dancers really worked their buns off. This show was full-blown, with costumes, sets, etc. Of course the entire thing was lip-synched, but you really didn’t care. Another night, there was a circus show, primarily performed by the trapeze staff. What an impressive bunch of athletes! This show was good enough to go on tour; truly skillful and entertaining.

If YOU want to get into the act, there is ample opportunity at the GM show, which was held on Tuesday. Yours truly participated in a hip-hop dance number and a comedy improv skit. This was the highlight of my week, but I’m just a big ham. The staff basically has an idea or two and they teach you the dance or guide you in the right direction. If you have an outright talent (such as singing, playing an instrument you brought, or dancing), you can work with the staff to do a solo act. Truthfully, if you are a musician who likes to perform, bring your instrument with you. There wasn’t a guitar to borrow, so there certainly wouldn’t be a violin or anything else more exotic

If you like to sing, there is karaoke on one night only. The song list was pretty good, including standards and current hits. The karaoke is usually held near the bar, after the GO show, around 11:30 p.m.

Happy Hour at Club Med Turquoise is indeed the happiest, most spirited hour of the day, with 2 for 1 on selected drinks. It is held at Sharkies beach bar (at the far end of the club near the windsurfing shack), from 5:30 to 7:15 p.m. (Get there at 5:15 for a good seat). The week I was there, an entertainer from Montreal, named Daniel, performed many popular songs with his electrified acoustic guitar (which was hooked up to a Roland synthesizer box). This talented man is an animated and charismatic musician, and he really got the crowd going. I have never before seen a group of strangers sit around and sing, clap, and dance to a single performer like this. In this intimate beachfront setting, as the sun slowly sank lower in the sky, he engaged the crowd and helped generate the most incredible warm and happy feelings I’ve ever felt at a performance. He played popular and classic tunes such as “Beautiful Day” by U2, “Harvest Moon” by Neil Young, “Rock and Roll” by Gary Glitter, “Sailing” by Chris Cross, “Fly” by Lenny Kravitz, and “Fields of Gold” by Sting (the sunset song). If you’re lucky enough to be at a Club Med when Daniel is performing, be sure to catch him. He also performs in Montreal and occasional small club dates in New York. I felt privileged to be in the company of such an accomplished and spirited guitarist. He’s been doing this for 17 years. He gets free food and lodging for two weeks in exchange for two hours of daily music. Not a bad deal, eh?

If you like to dance, the Disco is open from 11:30 p.m. until at least 3 a.m. It is rather small and stuffy, and the music can be hit and miss, depending on the DJ. Some nights the DJ’s choice and selection were great, and other times he seemed stuck in mindless disco tunes. He will take requests, but don’t expect him to have the CD you want, especially if it is rock. If you have some favorite dance music, perhaps you should take a few CDs with you for the DJ to play.

One night late in the week (Thursday or Friday), they close the Disco and hold a dance party outside near the pool. Dancing under the stars is always fun. I think that on that night, they had a Corona Beer party. Buy a Corona, get a free shot of Tequila.

Other forms of entertainment include a trapeze show, a humorous tennis show, and a foam party (think: bubble bath without the water).

If you want to stay up all night and party, Sharkies bar is open literally until the last GM goes to bed. Sometimes it was open almost until dawn. The bar usually plays rock and roll music for all the die-hard party people.


Food

You won’t go hungry. Like all other Club Meds, breakfast, lunch, and dinner are buffets, and seating is at round tables of eight or 10 people. Before going on this trip, I had read complaints that there wasn’t much fish on the menu. The week I was there, there were several types of fish served every day.

Breakfast is from 7 to 10:45 a.m.
Lunch is from 12:30 to 2:45 p.m.
Dinner is from 7:30 to 9:15 p.m.

Espresso and a few snacks are available at the bar (some packaged snacks are at the boutique).

If you don’t stay at Club Med, you can purchase a day pass for $35, which entitles you to dinner (possibly lunch, I’m not sure).

Each meal offers a wide selection of different types of food. Even if you’re a vegetarian, you will find plenty of things to eat. Generally the quality and taste of the food was good, but not the same as a five-star restaurant (after all, this is not a five-star resort). Nothing was terrible except for the coffee. I don’t know why it was so bad. Everyone complained about it. I resorted to tea (there was a large selection of tea bags). There are also packets of hot chocolate.

People seem to rave about the chocolate bread. I had expected to find bread that was chocolate inside and out (my mistake!) Chocolate bread is basically bread with chucks of melted semi-sweet chocolate inside. The dough is a bit sweeter than regular bread. It’s very good. Some days, they baked it with white chocolate instead.

The free table wine isn’t very good. The white is passable. The free beer is served in plastic cups. I don’t know whether it came from a tap or from bottles.

For a change of pace, you may want to have dinner at the Grill restaurant on the other side of the club. You must make reservations at noon the day you want to eat there. If you try to make reservations at 12:30, you’ll probably find that the restaurant is booked up. So get there on time. The Grill is a smaller, quieter, more intimate setting with white table linens. You can book a table for two or for a larger group. Dinner is served to you. You have a choice between two entrees, but the appetizer and dessert are fixed. You can help yourself to salads at the restaurant’s buffet. The food at the Grill was only slightly better than the regular buffet meal. For instance, an appetizer one night was filled rolls of smoked salmon. The presentation was nice, but the filling was tuna salad. I had expected something a bit more sophisticated, like crab meat. But overall, the food was good.

Don’t expect the wait staff to tell you very much about the food. Most of them don’t seem to speak English. When we asked, for example, how the trout would be prepared (in the Grill restaurant), the waitress just nodded her head and said "Yes, fish!"
"No", my friend asked, “HOW is the fish prepared?”
"Fish!"
"In a sauce?"
"Fish!"
Finally we just chuckled and gave up.

Later at night, outside the Disco, they usually grill hamburgers, but you must pay bar tickets for them.

One important note here: I drank the water and it didn’t make me sick. So you don’t necessarily need to resort to bottled water, as you would in Mexico.


Shopping

I didn’t feel like exploring Provo on this trip, but I did walk up the beach about a half-mile to the Ports of Call shopping center (about a half-dozen little stores and a restaurant). If you don’t even want to wander outside the Club, there is a boutique, a duty-free shop, and a small (overpriced) souvenir shop.

The boutique actually had some great sales. The merchandise is usually a little pricey, but at 40% off, it became very affordable. I bought a couple of really cute shirts and a skirt for about the same as I’d pay at Target, Wal-Mart, or Mervyns. Aside from clothing, the boutique sells staple items such as toothpaste, hairbrushes, etc. Some of these items are fairly priced and some are ridiculously expensive.


Internet Access

The Club added internet kiosks last year, which are managed by the island's Cable and Wireless company. They are lousy and difficult to use. If you really need to access the internet during your stay, perhaps you should bring a laptop computer. From my frustrating experience, I warn you to stay away from the internet kiosks, or find another place on the island (with a real computer) to send emails.


Live Webcam of the Beach!

Allegro Resort currently operates a live webcam at the beach. The beach you see is only about a quarter mile from Club Med. Take a look at the weather and the beach before you go! The URL is:

http://www.allegroturksandcaicos.com/webcam/



Departure

Yes, you must get to the airport two hours before your international flight. If you have an early morning departure, the Club will let you go into the restaurant to grab some coffee and a Danish, but you won’t get a full breakfast at 5:30 a.m. Like arrival, departure is unceremonious. You are taken to the airport in a van. If you didn’t pay for the charter flight, you must pay $7 to the van driver, and a $15 departure tax at the airport.


Other Web Opinion Forums

There are three Web forums for Turks and Caicos, where you can post questions or see what others are saying about Provo and its resorts. You can find them at this URL:

http://www.tcimall.tc/MessageBoard/index.htm


Allegro to Become a Club Med for Families?

Rumors abound regarding whether the Allegro Resort, about a half-mile up the beach from Club Med, will become a Club Med for families at the end of 2001. Keep your eyes peeled for this one. It would be nice if it happened. I’d be there with my family in a heartbeat. I hope they keep the webcam!


Do You Get Motion Sickness on a Boat?

I’m going to plug a new product I found that took away any motion sickness I began to experience. It’s called Relief Band, and it’s sold by Sharper Image. This gadget looks like a wristwatch. You wear it on the inside of your wrist, at the nausea pressure point (complete instructions are included). I’ll be damned, but this little gadget works! It sends a small electrical signal to this point, and it feels like a little electrical buzzing in your palm and fingers. Whereas I usually feel dizzy and horrible on most boat trips, I felt TERRIFIC, as though I was on dry land. No drowsiness like Dramimine. No side effects at all! I wore it on four separate boat trips. I took it off when I snorkeled, and put it back on after re-entering the boat. If you want to try out this gadget, Sharper Image will let you do so for 60 days. If it didn’t work for you, you can get a full refund. It costs around $120. For more info, go to sharperimage.com or reliefband.com. I’m very happy with mine, and I’m keeping it for future boat rides or road trips with lots of curves.


A Word about Sunscreens

I also feel compelled also to plug the sunscreen I used. I’m fair skinned and burn easily. I used Aloe Gator Sport Gel, SPF 40. You apply this thick gel ONCE in the morning and it truly lasts all day, no matter how long you’re in the water or how much you sweat. I only got burned on one spot because I didn’t realize I hadn’t reached there (darn it)! This product will allow you to get a gradual tan, and you will NOT burn. It doesn’t come off until you take it off with soap and water. I can’t say enough good things about Aloe Gator. You can buy it at your local REI store, or on their website, rei.com. A four-ounce tube is $12.95. This will last one adult approximately a week. Buy two tubes per person just in case. I have used this product for years, in the Caribbean and in Hawaii. It has never let me or my husband down! We also use the Lil Gator product for our kids.

Recommended: Yes