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Lessons LearnedOct 02 '01 Write an essay on this topic.The Bottom Line Nothing can prepare you for a diagnosis of infertility. Here are some of my hard earned lessons: The very definition of infertility is vague. Doctors define an infertile couple as one that has been actively pursuing a pregnancy, without success, for a year. By that time, most couples are already concerned and anxious. The last thing they need is a label that has no medical explanation attached to it. My diagnosis of infertility struck me sideways. I truly didn’t expect it. Well, yeah, I’d always had irregular periods. And, no, I’ve never been very good about seeing doctors on a regular basis particularly gynecologists. But, I was young-only 26 when my journey began-didn’t infertility only affect older women? I started with my primary care physician, a distracted man, who had his nurse ask most of the questions. I told the nurse of my concern of achieving a pregnancy with irregular periods. My doctor gave me a general physical and sent me out the door with a brown bag of free prescription samples. What were they? Birth control pills. They’d regulate my periods, all right. Thanks. I went on to a gynecologist who regulated my periods with the prescription drug, Provera. Once regulated I started on the fertility drug, Clomid. Clomid is the most commonly prescribed fertility drug on the market. I responded well but after three months I still had not achieved a pregnancy. Lesson #1: Consider seeing a specialist Even under the best possible circumstances, you only have 24-48 hours a month to achieve a pregnancy. Depressing, isn’t it? I became pregnant two months after seeing a specialist. The fertility specialist I see is, also, an endocrinologist. My specific problem was found and a treatment plan was developed. If your fertility issue is not gynecological but rather a broader medical issue, a gynecologist (no matter how skilled) will not be able to diagnose the problem. Lesson #2: Evaluate your insurance coverage Our insurance covered only the diagnosis but not the treatment. However, I was put on fertility drugs rather early in the game which ruled out coverage of any further tests. We have paid, solely on our own, for all my treatments, hospital tests and drugs. The drugs ran about $70 a month. The treatments, tests and doctor appointments varied from $550 to $85, and everything in between. There is insurance that covers some infertility treatments. The research could save you thousands. Lesson #3 Find ways to deal with the emotional aspects For me, nothing was more challenging than the depression that infertility brought with it. Know your limits. I did not feel like I could share what I was going through with others. I kept my family, friends and co-workers completely in the dark. How did I explain all my doctor appointments to my employer? I haven’t seen a dentist in three years but they think I go every six months like clockwork. I sometimes have stomachaches. That turned into a great excuse for monthly doctor appointments. Lying? Yep. But it beats the heck out of people I barely know asking why I’m not pregnant yet. Lesson #4 Have a master plan That could mean a dollar amount, a timetable or an emotional limit. Discuss what you as a couple can handle. It can be reassuring to know there will be an end to this journey. Lesson #5 View it as a couple problem I feel like a hypocrite writing this because this was so difficult for me to accept. I felt tremendous guilt about my problems. My husband was amazing at conveying that he felt that this was our problem. Eventually, I learned to believe him. You have to see it as a couple problem. Something as devastating as infertility can bring you closer together or drive you apart. It’s all in how you approach it. Lesson #6 Understand there are other options Adoption, foster parenting, egg donation, invitro fertilization…there is always another option no matter what you have done. Lesson #7 There is no fear like the unknown Scour the internet. Buy books. Get pamphlets from your doctors. Learn everything you can. Some great websites are Webmd and ASRM.org (Association of Reproductive Medicine). Understanding what you are going through from a medical aspect, can keep it from seeming so overwhelming. I’m not an expert on infertility but I have survived in the trenches. Yesterday, my husband and I saw our little life, only six weeks old, on an ultrasound. There is hope, even when things seem the most hopeless.  |
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