Writing to reach you: Mixed signals, Mixed feelings, Mixed tape.
Oct 22 '01 (Updated Dec 04 '02)
The Bottom Line I made this tape in 6 hours for a girl. I don't know how I feel about this girl. I like the tape though.
"And you can stand on the arms of the Williamsburg bridge, crying "Hey man, well this is Babylon!"" ~True Dreams of Wichita: Soul Coughing.
----------
I'm feeling oh-so sad right now, otherwise I wouldn't be writing this. I told my cousin I was feeling depressed today and when he asked why, I simply said "Everything." I just feel so tired. Nothing is going well for me, everything feels like work.
Feh... It's not that bad. I'm a cancer. I'm moody.
I was feeling good this morning, but sometime in the afternoon, I got tired and took a nap. I woke up feeling miserable. It was dark outside. I have no car so I feel trapped. I have no job and no food so I'm hungry. And I'm still exhausted from my experience in New York. I think it's the combined repetition of punches and kicks that has me feeling so low. If it were just one, two or even five things going wrong in my life... I'd be great. But it's not five things... it's EVERYTHING. I'm just so tired of getting beat up all the time.
I bring these things up only to explain my mood right now. I'm not writing this epinions piece to give you some kind of purchasing power... I'm not writing this to make friends... I'm writing this cuz I need to write. And I need to make about 50 cents so I can cash in my eroyalties and eat something next week. Yeah, it's that bad.
So, let's talk about girl problems. That's a hot button issue that needs to be pressed right now. Pezking knows what's going on. So does Irrelevant. So does my Mom:) I've got girl problems. I'm not going to get into too much detail. It's complicated. My usual mode of dealing with crap like this is through my friends, my music, and my writing... in that order. I haven't written about this yet, so you know it's bad. And just so you know, the music in my cd player right now is:
Travis
Natalie Lovejoy
Coldplay
Son Volt
Oh man! I'm in trouble!
There's this girl. She'll probably eventually read this too, so I guess I'm spilling the beans with this review. Oh well. Whatever.
I was really excited about this girl back in July when I started hanging out with her. I thought she was what I was looking for. I was thinking about her all the time, and just basically falling for her really hard. I was so bummed to be leaving just as I was getting to know her, but I had that big trip to go on. I was going to be gone for 3 months. Had terrorists not destroyed the World Trade Center in front of my eyes, I'd still be on that trip.
This girl is from New York originally (Jersey actually), so we talked on the phone a lot during that really bad week that I was trapped on the island. A friend of mine has an expression that's appropriate here. It's called "Driving into friendshipland". Once you drive into friendshipland, you don't get out! That's what was happening. We began to bond as friends and I began to get conflicted about my feelings for her.
I spent a bunch of time with her when I returned to California, and only found myself getting more and more confused. "Do I want to be friends or do I want to ask her out?" "Is it weird if I ask her out now that we're such close buds?" "Am I throwing away a really nice friendship if I tell her I how I feel?" "Am I missing out on an awesome romance if I don't?" This is what I’ve been doing for the past month.
About a week ago, I finally decided to drop it. I decided I'd just like to be friends with her and look for love elsewhere. I now think we're good as friends, but we'd make a miserable couple. I won't get into the reasons.
Once I made my decision, I was feeling both relieved and bummed at the same time. The excitement of falling for someone and feeling all gooey and nervous around them was gone, and I was back to just feeling lonely again.
Friday night I got a message that her birthday was coming up and she wanted me to attend her party the next day. I called her Saturday morning and got the skinny on all the details. I told her I'd bust out a mix-tape for her birthday and she yayed and clapped.
O.k. We've all made mix-tapes before, but I gotta tell you... I really LOVE making mix-tapes. I thrive on the whole process. I dare say I'm quite good at it too, but this mix was really going to be a challenge for me.
1.) A mix-tape is an excuse to say things in song that you are afraid to say in person. And it should be ripe with personal moments you've shared with the recipient, if possible. The finished mix should be very personalized between the giver and reciever.
*Oh God! What was I gonna say to this girl!
2.) A properly made mix-tape should flow through you... almost as if channeled by some unseen force. You need to trust your inner wisdom during the song choosing and mixing process, or you will get a mess.
*Oh my frickin’ God! What the hell was I gonna end up saying to this girl!!
3.) A mix-tape should overflow with the songs of your life at that moment.
*Eeep... 30 of my absolute latest and greatest albums are still back in the hotel in New York. An average mix-tape is about 25-30 tracks for me, so this mix was going to have to rely on the old favorites and forgotten gems of my collection instead.
4.) A mix-tape can take days, even months to properly caress into perfection. If I do a mix-tape in one sitting, it usually takes at least 8 hours, and that's rare. I prefer to choose the songs, mix, mull over, re-mix, and listen to the thing a few times before handing it over. I like at least 2 or 3 days to do a mix right.
*I only had 6 hours to COMPLETE the mix in time for her party.
I took this challenge head on and dove right into the song selecting process. It took me 3 hours to choose the music, and 3 hours to mix the tape. I finished just in time and even had the opportunity to listen to side one during the ride to her pad.
Here's what she got:
WANERTOOT! Side
1.) True Dreams of Wichita ~Soul Coughing
2.) Writing to Reach You ~Travis
3.) California ~Rufus Wainwright
4.) New York City ~They Might Be Giants
5.) Plasma Dive ~Thee Michelle Gun Elephant
6.) All Right/Not Quite ~The Apples in Stereo
7.) Lama Temple ~J Church
8.) Outside the Aviary ~Burning Airlines
9.) Movin' Right Along ~Less Than Jake
10.) Harder to Tell ~Discount
11.) Pubescent ~Selby Tigers
12.) No Love ~The Get Up Kids
13.) Things Just Getting Good ~The Promise Ring
14.) Troubled Times ~Fountains of Wayne
15.) Stopping Sound ~The Impossibles
16.) Sounds Familiar ~The Weakerthans
FRISEX! Side
1.) Portrait of the Artist as a Fucking Asshole ~Dillinger Four
2.) Say Anything ~The Bouncing Souls
3.) What's Your Name? ~17 Years
4.) Rainbow Connection ~Me First and the Gimme Gimmes
5.) AOK ~Cap'N Jazz
6.) Slow Support ~The Plastic Constellations
7.) What's so Funny About Peace, Love and Understanding? ~Trip Shakespeare
8.) Ballad of the Lonely Argonaut ~Beulah
9.) California (All the Way) ~Luna
10.) I Forgot ~Geggy Tah
11.) Sister I Need Wine ~Guided by Voices
12.) Everything's Not Lost ~Coldplay
13.) Every Double Life ~The New Amsterdams
14.) Puttin it Down ~Beck
15.) Midwestern Arms (recorded live at REV105) ~Dead Hot Workshop
16.) Down in Flames ~Semisonic
----------
The details:
WANERTOOT and FRISEX: We played Scrabble last week and these were 2 of the words she invented to use up her letters. Inside jokes fall under the category of personalizing your mix for the recipient:)
The overall theme: Melancholy, longing, confusion, insecurity, and deceit. Fun, huh?
The songs:
Every song on every mix means something. Whether you consciously knew it when you picked the song or not, it was meant to be there. Bearing this in mind, I will spare you the grisly details of a play by play track listing. But here are a few worthy mentions.
The personal moment songs: (the ones she and I either shared with each other or that mean something to us both)
New York City ~They Might Be Giants: As I said before, New York is her old stomping ground. The night I saw They Might Be Giants in concert, I ate at a cafe on Bleecker St. that she used to hang out at. This song will forever remind me of that night and of my experiences in the city.
Movin' Right Along ~Less Than Jake: The two of us have been bonding over our love for the Muppets since we met. We watched the Muppet Movie last week, so this song was a must include.
Say Anything ~The Bouncing Souls: She commented that her sister loves the Bouncing Souls, and she made specific mention of this song. She's a Jersey girl... the Bouncing Souls are from there. I had to put it on the mix.
Rainbow Connection ~Me First and the Gimme Gimmes: Muppets take my mix-tape! You get the idea.
What's so Funny About Peace, Love and Understanding ~Trip Shakespeare: She picked me up one time and asked me if I like Elvis Costello. We listened to him in the car and I told her about how when I first got home from New York, I was feeling so upset about the violence and impending war that I listened to the Trip Shakespeare version of this song over and over again.
The songs that surprised me: (Remember, we're channeling here! When you make a mix, you gotta trust your gut. If you feel inclined to put a song on and don't know why, it usually turns out to be pretty important! These songs came from that place.)
Writing to Reach You ~Travis:
"Because my inside is outside
My right side's on the left side
Cause I'm writing to reach you now but
I might never reach you"
What's Your Name? ~17 Years: Girl driven pop-punk about falling for someone and doubting it all the while.
California (All the Way) ~Luna: Imagine my surprise when I put a break-up song on a mix for a girl I haven't even begun a relationship with. Hmmm...
Puttin it Down ~Beck: More on this later...
Most painful lyric:
From No Love ~The Get Up Kids
"Tonight!
As much as I would like to
I can't put my hands all over you.
If I
Put myself in that position
Myself to be
Immune to you
To keep my heart from breaking
If you can't make up your mind."
Song with the BEST lyrics:
True Dreams of Wichita ~Soul Coughing
But then you knew that! I'm unable to choose one lyric to represent here. Basically, if you don't know this song, then you need to stop reading this review immediately and go out and pick up a copy of Ruby Vroom. Complete your life. I'm not kidding.
Song that most embodies the theme of the mix:
Puttin it Down ~Beck
"Big Pain
Burning down
Giving me
A cow.
What you seem to be sayin
Is you’re patiently waitin
Like an ashtray
For the butt.
Well I’m puttin it down
But you’re not pickin it up
Well I’m puttin it down
But you treat me like a clown
And I don’t wanna be funny.
Fat chance
Glued to the wall
Like a centerfold
Of an old cannonball.
Will you put me inside
Your t.v. tonight
Cuz you’re treatin me like a re-run
Well I’m puttin it down
But you’re not pickin it up
Well I’m puttin it down
But you treat me like a clown
And I don’t wanna be funny
No, no, no, no!
So what
I lost my job at the hut
My ass got cut
But I’ll be better at kissin
When my teeth are all missin
And the silverwear’s burnt
And I’m eatin with my fingers
And I’m puttin it down!
And you’re not pickin it up
Well I’m puttin it down
But you treat me like a clown
And I don’t wanna be funny
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!"
Last words from side one:
From Sounds Familiar ~The Weakerthans
"Before I spill the things I mean to hide away
Or gouge my eyes with platitudes of sentiment
I'll drown the urge for permanence and certainty
Crouch down and scrawl my name with yours in wet cement."
Last words from side two:
From Down in Flames ~Semisonic
"...And you never even got to go down in flames."
Last minute change:
Every Double Life ~The New Amsterdams, was originally going to be Proceed With Caution instead. I had to shave a minute and a half from side 2 and this was my solution.
Artists who didn't make the cut, but who I originally wanted to include:
Cake
The Broadways
Animal Chin
Pilfers
The Icarus Line
Braid
Ani Difranco
Houston
Screeching Weasel
----------
In the interest of keeping the peace, I have refrained from getting into the complexities and details that would inspire me to make such a mix in the first place, let alone write about it. Kinda defeats the purpose to write about your problem and then not discuss it, but it feels really wrong to say too much about someone I really don't want to hurt.
Huge plot points and major characters have been omitted, including the other guy (hers) and the other girl (mine). Gasp!
I will say, that this girl is a big ol' question mark to me, as are my feelings toward her. What a mess! But I guess that's what makes romance fun.
No... that's not it!
I gave her the mix-tape last night at the party. My feelings might shift one way or the other depending on what she has to say about the mix. And what she decides to do about the other guy!
Thanks for reading. I promise, I'll write a really nice little music review next to make up for this one!
Interestingly enough, I don't feel so sad anymore. Hmph. Cancers!
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Epinions.com ID:
Officer
|
|
Member: Ryan Stockstad
Location: Valley Village, California
Reviews written: 77
Trusted by: 136 members
About Me:
"True revolutionaries never bomb buildings." ~Dan Bern
|
|
|
© 1999-2009 Shopping.com, Inc.