( this is a review of christina aguilera, pink lik lim and mya's Cover of lady marmalade)

Do you like Labelle's Lady marmalade? Great single isn't it? Absolute classic 1975 chart topper, by Sarah dash, Nona Hendryx and the fabulous ms Patti Labelle, who comprised the group of the same name. The song was brilliant, with one part in gospel with screaming organs, one part funk in with lighting bolt bass patterns, one part soul with Allan touissant producing the most lively rythmn section in the history of Philly soul, and one part acid psychedelia, with arrangements that harkened the jefferson Airplaine gone to the projects. Not only was it a breathtaking dance song, It was the crowning moment of one of the most overlooked groups in pop music history.( 1971 Labelle, 1975's Nightbirds and 1976 chameleon are indispensable records as well as 1971's Gonna Take a Miracle, their collaboration with Laura Nyro)But you probably already knew that, if you heard the song.

Let me ask you again, do you like Labelle's Lady Marmalade?

Then don't turn on the radio for a couple of months.

Because out of the vomitous artistic bile that is teen pop, comes Christina Aguilera, Pink, Lil Kim and Mya with their own made for TRL, Lobotomized version of Lady Marmalade, a bastardized cover of historic standards. This isn't a butchery this is a musical beheading and defilement, Turning one of the grandest treatise of female sexuality in the history of pop music, into a nihilist rhythm-deficient club cut, the same type of watered down mindless R&B that MTV just loves. A hackneyed mallrat soul interpretation that makes bolton's and palmer's immense butcheries, seem like Sinatra style covers by comparison.

The first ugly thing you hear is the music, as if the producers had the genius idea in the middle of the night and got together to form it

TRL goon 1 " hey i got an idea for the song, let's take away bunny sigeler's bass, the gospel organ and all of those complex arrangements and turn the song into funky elevator music.

TRL goon 2 " D'oh Ok"

TRL goon 1 " I got one more idea let's add a journey styled guitar riff cause that's what the song really, really needs"

TRL goon 2 " cool"

Mya's changing " New Orleans" to " Moulin Rouge" to add her own personal spin to it holds no artistic water, akin to a country cousin wearing a neon red suit to a fancy restaurant in order to earn some respect. She has a nice vocal tone, her phrasing shows that she's had some vocal training; However there are strong wind gusts that have higher audibility than her rail thin voice, which, in comparison to Patti's operatic mezzo soprano, get's blown to smitheerens.It's not as if Lil Kim does a convincing Nona Hendryx either, with her predictable barrage of emotional callousness, trashy and mindless vulgarity, and immense self hatred that only Lil Kim and her foul mouth can dish out.

But the real unbearble grand turkeys go to Pink and Christina Aguilera, for whose patronizing mallrat soul shrieks should be renamed " The Jolson twins". Pink's entire style follows the (in)famous pop traditions of white acts who take a credible artist who didn't cross over( in this case Kelis from the Neptunes), stealing every part of their vocal style and mannerisms( and doing a bad job of it) and watering down their music to make it accessible for pop radio. Her vapid attitudinal soul shoutings show that she got all her vocal education and technique from a six hour BET marathon. But Aguilera, the female Bolton, of her time is the fin-di cicle and the songs ugliest dagger, whose loud " divafied" screams wreak of a disgusting shrill paternalism crass enough to rival early 20th century minstrel shows.

The essence of their vulgarity doesn't lie in any words or phrases, but in the callous attitude that they have for the genre that they are making so much money off of. Their mindless " emotional" screams give the notion that the only thing that pertains to Soul music is pure emotion; which A: is a unjust yet popular lie .B: A hideous disrespect to the talent and cognitive ability of the artists that they are stealing from and C: a gross ignorance of the nuances, structure, and overall musical theory of the genre that by their vocals, they assume is devoid of. If they sang mammy , it wouldn't have been uglier than this.

So my question is what's next? Jessica Simpson singing respect? N'sync singing my girl? The Backstreet Boys doing for the love of money? Destiny's Child doing dancing in the street? Eden's crush doing will you love me tomorrow , LFO doing brothers gonna work it out? What pit of artistic defilement that these callous egoist mass produced "artists" go to in order to provide a fast food musical product for this ( In general) Nihilist, egoist, mallrat public.

I've said enough bitter spew for one review, so I'll leave the last word to ms Patti Labelle when asked to describe what she thought of the cover

" those girls messed up my damm song"


Recommended: No