I never thought it would happen to me.

Nov 2, 2001

The Bottom Line People need to find out who they are and what makes them happy. Then they will be able to start moving on with their lives.

I married my high school sweetheart, and after eight and half years its over. I never thought that it would happen to us. We met senior year and everything was perfect. We got along great, had the same interests, I thought he was my soul mate. I thought that we would be together forever no matter what anyone said. I wish I would have listened a little bit more to peoples warnings.

I moved out of state to be with him, only to find out that he had not done anything that he had said that he was going to do, ie: save money, get a job. I get there and basically end up supporting the both of us for eight months, until I decided we needed to move back home. He had many odd jobs that never lasted more than a few weeks and then it would take him a few weeks to find a new job.

Then things got worse from there, I always stuck up for him, when people would say bad things about him. I thought he would grow up and change. I stuck with him thru the good and bad. I put up with his bs and controlling ways because I loved him and thought that we would be together forever. Then we decided to move to Tennessee and start a new life. That's what we thought we needed, a fresh start. But we ended up living with his Dad. He made no efforts to get us into our own place. When we finally got married I thought that would make him grow up and become an adult. Well I was wrong. He still made no efforts to get us out of his Dad's house. I did not feel like we were really married, nothing changed but my name when we got married. I tried to get him to save, stop spending so much of our money, but that never happened. I tried to get him to think about our future, and alls he could do was tell me what was wrong with my job, or how I had an attitude problem, or I was stupid and no good.
How I needed to basically do everything and he had to nothing in order to get our lives started.

After one and a half years of marriage I told him that I was not happy anymore and I wanted to move out on my own. A trial separation to see if we could make things work. So I moved out into my own apartment, thinking that the time apart would make things better. Well it didn't he started telling me what I wanted to hear, started acting like I wanted him to act. Just saying and doing these things to get me back, make me think he was changing. Being extra nice and basically the person I wanted him to be. He was not being his real self and I saw thru that act. Since we were not together I was able to look at the whole picture clearly. I realized that he was never going to change and become the person that I hoped he would. He never thought that I would be able to make it on my own. He thought that it would be to hard and I would come crawling back to him.

He wouldn't let me take the bed or tv, anything that we had bought when we together, he got to keep it all. He said that since I was the one leaving I should have to go and get all new things. So thats what I did I went and charged up my credit cards and bought all new things. He figured that I wouldn't be able to afford it and end up in debt and come crawling back. Well he was wrong, I am making it on my own.

I went to a lawyer and filed for a divorce. After I filed he went crazy. He didn't know how to act. He finally realized that I was serious, and I was not coming back. He couldn't control me anymore, and I was not buying into his bs and lies anymore. For a few months it was real hard for him to come to terms with the fact that I was not coming back. He finally realized that he had to move on with his life. He tried every route to make me feel sorry for him and when it didn't work he knew I was serious. So then he had to act like he was doing better than me, ie: making more money, buying new cars, new condo, ect.

I feel sorry that he has to lie in order to make himself look better. Like his life is so much better than mine. I just smile say ok whatever. If it makes him feel better saying that his life is going better than mine, then so be it. I'm not going to deal with his childish games anymore.

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