There's less of me to love, and I'm absolutely Volcanic!
Nov 03 '01
The Bottom Line Be aware of the side effects, change your diet, increase your activity level. Then go buy some Donna Karan pants.
Well, guys, I'm 34 and all those restaurant reviews are starting to catch up to me. I was dressing for dinner with my partner, and I pulled out the Donna Karan pants that I wore on our first date four months ago. These were the pants that he said made him want to grab my butt when I left the table to go to the men's room. With a smile and silent thanks to Donna, I stepped into them.
Oh, the horror.
They fit. Barely. I had to suck it in to zip them up. Seeing my consternation, Jack asked if I had snagged something in the zipper. I turned to the side and there was just no denying it.
I had - love handles. I wailed plaintively, pointing to my midsection. Now, Jack is about 6'3" and maybe 240 muscular lbs., so he'll always be bigger than I am. This is all he really cares about, so in all honesty he said, "So what?". Subject thus dismissed, he began a recounting of his fun-filled day of arresting a purse-snatcher.
"So what?" was probably the coolest, nicest thing he could have said. He didn't try to delude me into thinking I was imagining it. He simply didn't care about it, and made a point of making sure I knew that he thinks I'm attractive. Looking at myself, though, I knew it was time for a change - for myself. Not to mention that I want to post a nekkid (yet tastefully draped so as to hide What Only Jack May See) picture for FraggleMom's Epinions Stud Calendar. So, remember, I'm doing this for you!!!
Losing weight in a healthy way involves increasing activity, and sometimes eating less. I had no intention whatsoever of decreasing my caloric intake, but I resolved to cut out unhealthy snacks and late dinners - two dietary disasters. I also decided to go for a morning AND evening constitutional - a four mile walk along the beach - every morning and night. My new condo has a gym, but I haven't moved in yet, and I don't want to join a local gym for just a month. Having resolved a plan of moderation, I went to GNC to seek assistance.
GNC offers The Hollywood Diet - a cloudy juicelike substance that you drink to flush out your system. It's simply a diuretic, and all the water weight you lose reappears when you start eating again. Not for me, thanks.
GNC also sells a product called Thyrogenic / Thyrodrene. This is different. It consists of two different pills, a daytime formula and another one for evening. It purports to be a "Fat Loss Catalyst - designed to increase metabolism, control appetite, and promote the reduction of body fat." The active ingredient is Ephedrine, along with other herbal compounds, and it is NOT FDA approved. Cost: about $53.00 for a six-week supply. This is not recommended for people with cardiac or blood pressure problems.
Here's how it worked for me.
The instructions were simple. You take 2 pills of the day formula with breakfast, 2 more with lunch, and the 2 of the nighttime formula on an empty stomach before bedtime.
My breakfast went from the usual bagel or egg sandwich and a Diet Pepsi to a Slim-fast Shake, a piece of fruit, and a Sobe Green Tea. Lunch went from burgers and deli food to Wendy's chili (low fat) or Boston Market - lean chicken and steamed veggies. I only ate dinner when with Jack or a friend, so about 3 nights a week I skipped dinner. My point - there wasn't a lot of food in there for this to work on. But, boy did it work.
Side effects:
1. "Digestive consequenses". That is the euphemism that a prim old Auntie would use to describe the systemic volcanic eruption that could have leveled Pompeii all over again. Jack had a much more colorful term for it, which you may guess at in my comment section. I wasn't eating all that much, but the outgo was most definitely more than the intake. This is probably because as we age, our system slows down. My doctor said that many people are walking around with ***GROSS-OUT ALERT*** five to ten pounds of undigested food in their systems. This stuff was definitely cleaning me out, so I was glad. But you need to be near a bathroom at all times, which rules out long commutes, skiing, and anything involving a tuxedo.
Also, as your body metabolizes the food at this increased rate, you can expect a rise in body temperature for about half an hour after eating. Between the heat and the trips to the bathroom, I felt like Krakatoa. I was also guzzling water like a marathon runner. No amount of water could erase the chalky aftertaste that seemed to be constantly in my mouth.
I had no desire for snacky treats, as we call the junk in the vending machines. My staff stopped trying to sabotage me with Baby Ruths when I nailed one of them in the forehead with a red M & M. Speaking of my disposition...
2. Lightheaded and snarky, too! I felt strange for the first few days on this stuff. A bit lightheaded, similar to having two martinis or so. This made work all kinds of fun. I had little patience for the nonsense of my co-workers, and though I warned them, some still insisted on messing with me. After four and a half years with this company, my professional persona is one of level calm. I speak my mind, but politely and in a friendly way. So people were a bit shocked when I dropped the calm, polite and friendly routine in favor of Telling It Like It Is, i.e.:
Stockbroker: "I want to buy $80,000.00 worth of a risky tech stock for my client. She's 92 years old and probably won't remember the conversation, but she agreed, and now I'll be able to make the payment on my Beemer with the $4000.00 commission I'm charging her. Can you approve my trade?"
Now, the Old Tom would have said no, and launched into an instructive lecture on suitability and the "Know your client" rule. The New Tom had less educational things to say:
New Tom: "Are you freakin' NUTS? Do you like lawsuits? Did you get your license from a gum machine? Who's your sales manager, Gordon Gekko? Get out of my office, you old-lady-robbing, no-good, piece of Yuppie trash!"
Hmmm. Perhaps I was a tad harsh on the little guy. Oddly enough, it actually seemed appropriate. But I was getting used to people looking rather taken aback when I spoke to them. If you're a bit high-strung already you may want to watch for this side effect.
3. Better sleeping. The evening formula contains kava kava, an herbal compound said to aid sleep. Now, I sleep like a rock when I'm with Jack, because I feel very safe and cozy, and I'm usually wiped out from the Horizontal Mambo. When I'm alone, I'll often wake up once a night for about half an hour or so. Not with this stuff. I slept like a stone, dreamed in color, and remembered every minute of every dream. This means I was getting REM sleep, the best and most restful kind, and I woke up refreshed and full of all kinds of snarky energy. I actually was able to complete my walks and enjoy them with no residual tiredness. And speaking of the Horizontal Mambo...
4. Sex volcano!!! God help me. Maybe it's the diet, maybe it's the extra rest, maybe it's the increased energy level, maybe it's the herbs in this stuff. I don't know. But I'll tell you - I am like a 20-year-old in the sack these days, except that now I know what I'm doing and who I want to do it with. Whoo! I've caught Jack sneaking looks at me afterward that seem to say, "Where did that come from?" After one particularly memorable liaison, he asked me to move over and started examining the sheets. When I asked what the heck he was doing, he answered, "Checking for scorch marks, 'cause that was too freakin' HOT!" Everyone in Central Park who hasn't gotten arrested or a summons from Jack has GNC to thank for it; he's been walking around like a grinning idiot for days now.
5. Weight Loss. This actually isn't a side effect; it's really the purpose of using this stuff. I have dropped about ten pounds in two weeks. I can visibly see the loss, and my digestive system, while still insistent and demanding, feels like it's working more efficiently.
I have to say I can recommend this for someone who is committed to losing weight; as it can definitely give you the boost you need. My first date pants fit just fine again.
To conclude, despite some bizarre and slightly unpleasant side effects, Thyrogenic / Thyrodrene can be a valuable part of a weight loss plan. Remember to confer with your doctor before beginning any weight loss program.
Now, if you'll all excuse me, I have some 300-thread-count linens to burn.
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Epinions.com ID:
thom413
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Member: Thomas Tronolone
Location: Long Beach, New York
Reviews written: 121
Trusted by: 176 members
About Me:
"Those friends thou hast ... grapple them to thy soul with hoops of steel." Hamlet
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