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The underwear write-off (note the link...hineys/underwear, funny eh??) I crack me up!!Nov 22 '01 Write an essay on this topic.
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The Bottom Line Heavenly hiney and the right underwear for your jock enjoyment...
A brief disclaimer would say that this topic shouldn't be in the kids and family section, and that this revue uses the word 'hiney' more than is strictly necessary. It goes into details of shapes and sizes. It also gets onto the topic of underwear, and what is contained therein. I have been blessed in being asked to be a part of this write off hosted by the loverly mermaid Arielssong, though why mermaids need underwear is beyond me. Maybe that's why she likes them, maybe she has say, an underwear fetish, because she herself can't wear them (let me just point out that bikinis don't count). Underwear envy, that's what it is, so now she wants to hear about my underwear, how delightful!! Now contrary to popular belief, I do not have a 'heavenly hiney', this is unfortunate. There are however many men who do have heavenly hineys, but I have never noticed that because I am not gay. Of course we can't say if another guy's good looking or not, what do you think we are?? The things us manly men have to put up with these days. Like at work the other day, Fran says: "Well he's a bit of a stud isn't he." "Dunno", says Matt (that's me...yay!! I'm in this story!!) "Sure you do, come on, he's a good looker, a poser..." "Come on, I don't have a clue," say I. "Look at those steely buns..." Hold the phone!! Yes, apparently this gentleman had a heavenly hiney!! Unfortunately I had no clue. I think it's important to have a system for working out exactly what a heavenly hiney is though, most guys have one developed by the time they are 5 years old, it is, however, a system for the female hiney, this system does not work for the male hiney. The art of ogling a good hiney is a geometric challenge, it's all in the curves. Well rounded, but not too well rounded, sticking out a bit, but not too much. The hips for example should be well rounded and stick out somewhat, but not more than say one and a half inches wider on each side than the torso. However, if a man had a hiney that was round and stuck out, I am led to believe that he would have what qualifies as a 'hellish hiney'. I believe, and this is all hearsay, because I am not gay so I don't know anything about men's buttox (says the manly man), that the male hiney should be more muscular, not stick out at the side, and if it could have sharp angles it would look all the better for being square. This brings us onto the topic of underwear. Which underwear is right for you? Who here has seen Bridget Jones' Diary? Come on, there are more of you than that!! There aren't?? Okay, then that's not going to work, anyway. If you are female and do not have that which is known as the 'heavenly hiney', then it is quite possible you should consider wearing the grandma, up to the belly button pants (I hesitate to call them 'panties' as this gives an illusion of cuteness). The idea behind this kind of underwear is that it will force your hiney into shape!! If you are too embarrassed to buy these at your local store (like you're ever going to see that thin check out chick with the heavenly hiney again), do not be fooled. If you go in and buy a black g-string you will be all the more memorable as you will become the topic of gossip for all those perfect check-out chicks. "Did you see that woman??" "Yeah I know, as if you'd buy a black g with an asse like that..." "What a skank..." "Yeah, maybe you should have offered her some grandma panties instead!!" "She'll never get any..." "Are you going to Bob's party??" "Yeah, why?? Do you like Bob?" "Well, maybe a bit." "Did you hear that girls..." Anyway, it's all very important!! If, however, you do have the perfect hiney, go buy your little g-strings, the check-out chicks will say the same thing, but you should feel flattered this time!! Very basic overview of women's underwear I am afraid, but I don't claim to be an expert. In fact, I have no frickin clue, I'm just making it all up as I go along!! I won't, however go into bras as the variety in shapes and sizes just blows my mind, and I'm really not willing to go there!!! If you are male, buying underwear is so much the easier, I do not believe that you can even buy underwear for over $2. It goes something along the lines of, 'yeah, that looks good, I don't care!!' It should be important to note, however, that the boxers that say 'big screw' on them, are tacky, and if you get into a compromising position with a lady, or get dacked by the boys down at the club, it could be quite embarrassing!! Those of the steely buns, however seen to wear boxers more, as the jockeys have a tendency, much like the grandma pants, to give you posterior some sort of shape. I have nothing more to say on this topic, hope you now feel more able to buy underwear en-mass. This has been, I believe the first entry into the underwear write off, hosted by arielssong, and I'll probably do another one later on. I have no idea who else is in the write-off, but read theirs too, they'll be good.  |
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