Hell hath no fury like a full-blown toddler tantrumNov 27 '01 Write an essay on this topic.
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The Bottom Line Are they a cry for help?
Are they an act of frustration?
Or are they a way to get a cookie?
The Answer? Yes.
Remember that movie, The Exorcist? You know, the one with the little girl who spins her head, upchucks some nice pea-soup, curses up a storm and wreaks havoc with a couple of priests who are just trying to calm her down? Remember that one? Most people thought she was possessed by the devil, but parents know that she was just another ordinary girl throwing a tantrum, albeit a rather violent one. I'm rather certain that, had the priests offered her some ice cream, she would have settled down. But that wouldn't have made good movie magic. :) Obviously, I'm poking fun here (so stop reaching for that NH button already...) But at times, our children can throw tantrums that make movies like the Exorcist seem, well like child's play. But why do these frequent meltdowns occur? Obviously, there are varying factors which are largely dependent on the child's age. As my first child is now soundly in her 'toddler stage' (at 16+months), I've now been witness to a multitude of tantrums which seem to come in varying intensities. So far, I've categorized them into 3 intensity levels. Force 1: A mild breakdown that results in some crying and wailing, followed by a quick suck of the thumb which normally has the event subsiding after only a minute or two. Force 2: A more intense breakdown that will consist of crying and wailing, flailing legs and arms, laying down and screaming and refusing to be held (arching one's back when the attempt is made). More common than the first, more violent, but usually over within 2-3 minutes. Force 3: The mother of all toddler tantrums. Excessive and continuous screaming and yelling. Anger, not sadness, clearly displayed in the child's expression. Wailing, flailing, on-the-floor gyrations. Turing three shades of red and blue, all within seconds of themselves. Absolute refusal to cooperate or calm down. Basically, a force of nature to be reckoned with. Folks, get those camcorders for this one. While toddler tantrums come in varying degrees, the causes behind them actually do not. True, there are a lot of things that will set off a toddler into a Godzilla-like rampage, but each one of those items has a commonality that we should all take a moment to understand and recognize. That common theme, if you will, is the inability for our loving toddlers to completely express their feelings vocally. At this tender young age, a child's vocabulary is limited to a few words and possibly a phrase or two. Clearly, their language and communication skills haven't progressed enough yet for them to easily and readily display their feelings, their wants, their needs. That easily, and typically immediately, leads to a frustration upheaval that results in a tantrum. They want something, they want it now, but they can't express how to get it. This is a common causality for a toddler tantrum. The only thing we, as parents, can do in this situation is try and appease them, try and teach them, and hope for the best. Since this is based on a child's inability to vocalize their desires, you'll see less and less of these as your toddler learns to vocalize more and more. Typically, because this is based largely on the frustration of the child, you won't see a Force 3 attack occur from these situations. No, Force 3 attacks are different beasts altogether. We know what powers these attacks. We know why they're happening, and how long they may last. We know all to well, but we can't (or shouldn't) do anything about it. This is when we stop them from doing something they shouldn't be doing (i.e. turning on the dishwasher for the 300th time in the past 2 minutes, taking the phone off the hook, taking away the magazine that she wanted to, literally, rip through, stopping the climbing of the stairs when she's not supposed to, turning off the TV when it's nap time (oh brother is that a big one), walking her back inside when it's getting dark... The list goes on and on and on... Every child has little things they like to do. They're very much explorers at this age. Everything is brand new. Everything is something to test, something to push, something to rip, something to get Mommy & Daddy off their fanny... There's always something, and I suspect they know just how to push our buttons some times. But the fact remains that, while we have to educate them right from wrong, and when something is acceptable, and when it's not, when we stop an activity that a child's involved in, a tantrum may only be a short fuse away. But, obviously, I'm not stating anything new or revolutionary here. How can we avoid these tantrums? Well, they're not avoidable. At least, not completely. It's always going to happen. That doesn't mean your child is different, or spoiled or rotten. It means they are growing up and learning to deal with confines. They can't rule the world, even though they want to. So how do you comfort them and teach them in hopes of avoiding future meltdowns? Well, each situation is different, but you can help prepare for a possible breakdown by pushing their attention to something else. If they're watching TV, and it's time to go to bed, get a book ready and waiting - one of their favorites. Show them the book, get them interested in that and then turn off the TV. Avoid making any abrupt changes to ordinary and non-threatening scenarios. If it's time for bed, lay them down and stay with them for a little while, making the transition easier. If, however, they're doing something wrong and/or dangerous, an abrupt halting of the activity is warranted and necessary. They need to know right from wrong and sometimes the only way they will learn that is the hard way - which will cost them (and you) a Force 3 Tantrum to be sure. But soon, they'll realize the futility of their actions and they will learn. At least, that's what we keep saying to each other... Eventually, she will stop hiding her fruit snacks underneath the couch. Eventually, she will stop flinging her DVD movies around. Eventually, she will grow up and stop doing all of this. And eventually, we, as parents, will likely miss those times. Tantrums are normal. They're a part of parenting, they're a part of growing up. Instead of shunning them, instead of hating them, try instead to learn from them. They won't last (too) long, and when they're over, so is another part of your child's growth. Revel in the diversity of your child. And check under your furniture often for hidden little treats. Thanks for reading...  |
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