Unbiased Reviews by Real People
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Unbiased Reviews by Real People
Tecmo Super Bowl: Like A Dodge Viper in Ancient RomeDec 19, 2001 Write an essay on this topic.
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The Bottom Line Older is just plain better, dating all the way back to 1991 (don't go back any further, though). Get TSB. Just do it.
Ok. Usually I open up my e-pinions with some quirky anecdote or creative, seemingly irrelevant tirade. Well, frankly, I just don’t have the time or patience for that when it comes to this piece. It’s just too damn important. I’m writing about 1991’s Tecmo Super Bowl. Not plain Tecmo Bowl from ’89, ‘cause it was weaker. Not any of those horsesheet Tecmo football games for Super Nintendo. We’re discussin’ the good one here, and what a discussion it will be. You see, this category is "what you should know about football games". Well, this is what you should know: TSB is the greatest one ever. Plain and simple. Here's why. First off, you have to understand when the game was made: 1991. I know, I know, it seems like a far cry from now. But we’re venturing back to an era that’s eons behind us in technology. I know they had electricity in the early 90’s, but I’m not so sure about auto carriages, or “cars” as they’ve been affectionately dubbed. In this time period, we were dealing with some weak video game offerings. While the video games weren’t just one monstrous pixel of color moving across the screen . . . they were just slightly better than being one monstrous pixel of color moving across the screen. In fact, I think Bandai made a game that was indeed just that before all of the company’s executives hung themselves by their ties. Now, admittedly, TSB wasn’t a Magritte. However, it had graphics that indeed did the job, as well as flashed us some amazing cheerleader booty shots. You know what I’m talking about. But that’s not why it’s the greatest video game every invented. Oh no, that can be accredited to its infinite replayability, season layout, and stat keeping. Do current football games do all that? Yes. But they don’t have the brute simplicity. Read on. I already wrote an e-pinion heralding the original NES as the best system ever, and I maintain that conviction. You see, designers had limited graphic, audio, and control options at their disposal. Subsequently, they needed to design games that were actually fun, to compensate for what was seemingly a lack in technology. As such TSB, with its two button controls and simple-yet-effective play choice screen, doesn’t bog you down with button after button of options, or thirteen menus to substitute a player. Those ingenious bastards over at Tecmo crammed a veritable cornucopia of options and menus into just two buttons, and for that I praise little shrines of them in my room. You see, now, in the heat of the battle, your lil’ fingers needs not scramble all over the controller looking for the stupid Z-toggle-analog-switch buried underneath the control. Oh no, you just keep pounding away at either the A or B button, and something good is bound to happen. That’s a video game. Now, I don’t understand binary code. That’s irrelevant. However, I don’t understand how to program an ol’ skool NES game, either, and that is relevant. Somehow, the deities over at Tecmo programmed this technological wonder to keep the most unreal seasons and stats. Let me explain. All sorts of crazy sheet happens during a season. For one, the health of your players degrades as the season progresses, with additional damage assessed depending on the amount of hits that player takes. This baffles me. I mean, I guess I can understand how it works, but in 1991? Wow. In addition, the game simulates every non-manually-played game of the season, leaving you with incredibly accurate records and stats. Were you so inclined, or in a vegetative state, you could even watch these simulated games! This is pretty routine stuff these days, but seeing as how they didn’t even have a “books” as we know them back in 1991, this is intense stuff. Ultimately, though, it’s just the downright fun of the game that keeps me coming back. The boys and I were averaging close to four games a piece earlier this semester as we skipped class, and we never tired of it. It wasn’t until chess was recently phased in that our interest change, for the sole purpose of doing something intelligent while skipping class. And that’s that. So go and get a copy of TSB. You won’t regret it. In fact, you won’t ever stop playing. You can easily find a cartridge on eBay for a coupla’ bucks. Or you can have mine. If you pry it from my cold, dead grip.  |
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