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Peek at Clinique-What's the Deal with Those Spackled Women in Polyester Lab Coats?Jan 03 '02 (Updated Feb 28 '02) Write an essay on this topic.
Popular Products in Personal Care
The Bottom Line This unconventional epinion will help you get better service and more free samples. Also it can serve as a handy guide on how to tick the saleswomen off.
Go into any mid-to- high- end department store, and you can spot 'em right away, if they don't spot you first. You know, those made-up women in pseudo lab coats who sport big, shiny silver "C" pins. Sometimes they swarm around you the second you enter the door, desperately seeking someone to squirt on, paint on, and sell to. Other times, when you might actually want to buy something, they huddle in cliques. The catty conversation shooting from their perfectly lacquered lips is far more consequential than you, the mere customer. OR, you might even spot one alone, windexing the counter tops, seemingly hypnotized by the familiar squeak of paper towels on glass and high on amonia fumes. Squirt, squeak- squeak, Squirt, SQUEAK- squeak...Vacuous stare...bat heavily blackened eyelashes...tilt head, stare into space, squirt and repeat...* Who are these people? Well, I was one of them. And in this little epinion of mine, I will attempt to give you all (MEN and women) a humorous look behind the cosmetic counter. If you are looking for specific product information or ingredient lists, you have landed on the wrong page. Please seek out the many, many consumer friendly, editor approved reviews on Clinique's fine concoctions. Warning If you happen to work for this company, please don't get your powder puffs all in a twist! I'm not giving away any confidential corporate information or even the top-secret ingredients in Facial Soap Mild, so relax. Besides, you how bad stress is for your lovely Clinique skin. What I Think You Should Know If you have ever been curious about or intimidated by these makeup ladies (let's call them white coats) or if you want some inside scoop on how you might get better service, some free stuff, a date (Ha,Ha), or how to get the pushy ones to leave you alone, this just might be your bottle of Clarifying Lotion, um, I mean cup o'tea. Here are some FAQ's posed to me by those who have never donned the pristine (have I mentioned polyester-blend?) white lab coat. Why do they "Can I help you?" me to death when I've already told them I'm just browsing? 1. Commission, Commission, Commission. A percentage of each sale goes into the pocket of the white coat.(no shocker here) Hourly productivity is a huge consideration at review time and if weekly goals are not met...white coat must face the wrath of the account executive in dreaded "one on one" meeting. 2.OR, they are really trying to be helpful, but there are way too many people working. The salesperson has no idea you have already been approached ten times. Let the poor white coats know and if they STILL bother you... 3. Chances are, there is some kind of contest going on with a monetary incentive and you are near the bait. Say you are checking out some lipstick. The sales staff just won't leave you alone, even though you are "just looking." Every two minutes someone suggests that you check out the fabulous new "Moisture Surge Lipstick." What you probably don't know is that the person who sells the most of this item at the end of the day gets twenty bucks cash, and that the counter that sells the most at the end of the week gets a couple hundred bucks or loads of free goodies. Buyer beware. Why Do they wear so much Makeup? Some, not all, seem to be spackled. I prefer a more natural look, and was often told to "add a little drama" by the big wigs. Also, white coats are sometimes encouraged to wear the newest "color story" even if it is not the most natural/flattering to them in order to sell it. (I call this the peer pressure tactic- "See, all of us have on neon Barbie Pink lipstick today, it's the newest trend for Spring--or all the cool kids are doing it, c'mon just take one puff...It'll make you feel so good... Another reason for heavy makeup is necessity, AKA, the unflattering , odd skin tone producing florescent light found in many department stores. My skin often looked like an OOMPA LOOMPA's, and required more camouflage than usual. (keep this in mind when shopping for yourself, never buy foundation without checking it out in natural light first- you don't want to be an oompa loompa, too) Thirdly, those lovely polyester labcoats do not breathe very much, and under those bright lights it gets hotter than Georgia asphalt. Makeup partially melts off, more is added, and before you know it you might have (quelle horreur!) the dreaded cakey-face. Could this also be the reason they are always squirting perfume everywhere? I'll never tell. Why are those haughty B*tches ignoring me/ducking behind the counter when they see me coming? Yes, this does happen. There are a few possibilities as to why. 1. The white coat is trying to get out of there to go home, go to the loo, or eat lunch. A nice one might tell you, "someone will be with you in just a moment," but often, they are suffering from retail exhaustion and it just doesn't occur to them. OR 2. Ask yourself, "Am I chronic returner?"(returns are deducted from commission) or, "Do I go hang out at the makeup counter when I feel bored or lonely?" (believe me, I know more about some former customers' children, jobs, pets and sex lives than I ever wanted to. One of my most interesting "talkers" was a married, matronly society type who was regularly accepting a very special package from her UPS man. If you talk your salesperson's ear off, please be kind enough to buy something) OR 3. Are you a man or are you with a man who thinks that it is hil-freaking-arious and impossibly witty to ask for a free "facial"? More on this later. How do I score more free samples? This one is pretty easy. A little effort goes a long way. As you might suspect, the white coats have first dibs on all of these coveted little treasures. So after they each take a few home for themselves, their families, and friends, supply is sometimes short. So, your best bet is to ask nicely, and in the right way. Do not stomp up, rap your knuckles on the counter, and shout, "What do you have for FREE today?" Believe me, the white coats hear this at least fifteen times a day, and after they cringe, they might sweetly reply "We are all out of samples," or "Free Skin-Typng?" instead of forking over the good stuff. Instead, try something like this, "Hi.(smile) I saw an ad for the new Turnaround Cream (or what ever it is that you want) could you tell me a little about it?" Then, say, "..sounds interesting, any chance you have a sample I could try?" If she does, she will say yes, if not she might offer you a sample of something else. Next, to greatly increase your chances for even more loot,(this part is priceless!) say, "Do you have a business card? Because if this works, I want to buy it from you." (she'll eat it up, and if she has any sense she'll throw in a few more goodies) Try it. It works.(and if you do decide to buy, buy from her. Many white coats hoard samples for their nicest customers whether or not they spend a fortune) Find someone you like, and try to stick with her, not only will you get more samples and advance notice of specials, you have the perfect excuse to get rid of a pushier salesperson. Just tell the pushy one, "So-and-so usually helps me, so can you make sure she gets credit for this sale?" See, no more reason for Ms. Pushy to push. She's not getting the commission. (from many male friends) How do I, well, score?...or The Mysterious Allure of the White Lab Coat (I wish I could say it was as easy as bagging a couple free samples. Read on for what not to do.) The whole white uniform thing is supposed to suggest an image of purity and cleanliness, increase brand recognition, and you know, well, look clinical. (Clinique was, after all, originally created by a Dermatologist) In addition, the fake lab coat combined with pulled-back hair seems to have a curious effect on some men. For lack of better words, I'll quote a friend of mine, "It may be that whole nurse fantasy thing, but those white outfits really do it for me." Okay, dude, whatever floats your boat... Whatever you do, please, PLEASE, do not swagger in like you are in a singles bar, lean across the counter, raise and lower your eyebrows and say "Can I sign up for an appointment? I think I might need a full makeover." (wink, wink, leer) Not funny, not cute, and not original. You would be surprised at how many times she's heard this before. My favorite response was to deadpan, "Sure! I have time right now. Before we get started, why don't you have a seat and we can discuss what kind of look you are after," while grabbing trays of makeup. This scared them to death, and had them defending their masculinity. "No, um, I was just kidding, I'm not..You thought I was serious ?" Other things that will not work; 1. Do you give massages? 2. Do you have something that will make my wife look just like you? 3. Can I use Dramatically Different Moisturizing Lotion on my ____? (use your imagination) I don't think I'm applying it correctly. Will you help? ICK! Ladies, if your husbands and boyfriends like to shop with you, and entertain themselves by saying things like this--please send them off to the electronics department while you do your makeup shopping. You will get much better service. Trust me. Before you accuse me of male bashing, I would like to add that Clinique does make excellent skin care for men, and many guys make the best customers. They tend to buy in bulk, often buying five or more shaving creams at a time. Some even come in with lists from their girlfriends or wives, and buy in bulk for them, too.The white coats fight over men with lists because they see a quick and easy big sale. Try this, if the lines are long during Gift with Purchase Time, send your man to the counter with a big piece of paper. I doubt he'll have much of a wait. I had more things to tell you, but looks like this has turned into a book. I'll try to wrap it up. I don't mean to imply that all Clinique Beauty Advisors are evil, pushy clones. They're not, they're just on commission and some are lazy or use manipulative tactics to get your money. Many are talented, educated, and genuinely want to help you look better and make your skin look great. Just beware of the hard sell, and keep in mind the things that tick them off. Your wallet and your skin will thank you. And remember, above all else, you hold the checkbook. Those ladies in white coats were hired to help you. If you get terrible service, speak up. If you get great service speak up. That way the right people get rewarded. Possible FAQ's for next time or an update- I just came in for a couple of things, how did I end up spending three hundred dollars? (avoiding the sneaky "pile it up" sales technique) Why do they keep trying to sell me the 3-Step System when I just want to buy my darned Raspberry Glace Lipstick and get the hell out of there? (the "Would you like some fries with that?" technique) How can I return something without a huge guilt trip or hassle? And finally... Scenery, this epinion was a bad idea and a complete waste of my time. What were you thinking? Are you trying to get NHed? Leave a comment and let me know what you think, and let me know if you have questions of your own. By the way, as a former "master level consultant" and free-lancer, I might be able to answer a few actual product questions, too.) *That was probaby me. I windex when I'm bored. Related (and very twisted) Reading: American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis (Bateman uses Clinique, and has violent fantasies about his saleswoman)  |
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