When Good Pets Go Bad: A Feline Frenzy (My Silly Pet W/O Entry)
Written: Jun 01 '01 (Updated Jun 02 '01)
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Product Rating:
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Pros: None. Absolutely none.
Cons: Everything
The Bottom Line: Not so bad it's good. This puppy is a stinker to even the most rabid of B-movie buffs.
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| third_man's Full Review: |
Cats are extremely popular pets nowadays. What makes these fuzzy mongrels so attractive to companion-seekers? Practically every other person owns one, and if you aren't among the millions of feline-owning Westerners, I'd bet you've seen at least one of these mellow creatures at some point in your life. Some people like them, some people hate them, some are allergic to them, some worship them - but I am fairly certain that absolutely no one reading this review right now has ever been fed to one.
Hugo (Hugo Stiglitz) is an extraordinarily wealthy man who owns helicopters, motorcycles, vintage automobiles, rare weapons, and one very large collection of man-eating felines. Hugo uses his wealth, sinister charm, and exquisite '70's fashion sense to seduce California girls into coming over to his backwoods castle for an "interactive" cat-feeding session. Along with his butler Dargo (Gerardo Zepeda), Hugo murders the poor plastic women and feeds their Grade A meat to his horde of hungry felines. Obviously, this diet is not recommended by certified veterinarians, so Hugo's thousands of silly cats become even sillier, eventually (big surprise here) turning on their psychotic master.
The Night of a Thousand Cats is a wannabe psychological study of a serial killer's mind. The film takes us through a few of Hugo's memories, leading us to the conclusion that he wants to stop killing, but simply cannot let his beloved cats go hungry. What director Rene Cardona Jr. doesn't realize is that you need more than weird transitions and lengthy music videos in order to build a halfway-decent character study.
Is this a campy flick or a parody of the entire psycho-slasher genre? Neither. I'd put my money on the fact that Cardona had no idea that The Night of a Thousand Cats was going to suck, and if he/she did, he/she certainly didn't put forth any effort in making this film fun for even the most liberal of viewers. The frightening fact of the matter is that Cordona was attempting to create a "serious" movie, or at least a quality horror flick. Cardona is no Fulci or Argento and doesn't have the skill to create interesting cinema from an excruciatingly bad script and wooden acting. Therefore, do not watch this film if you think it sounds like a "so bad it's good" Saturday night special. This flick is so bad that it's not even funny.
The soundtrack, composed by Raul Lavista, seems interesting at first, but don't let the opening theme fool you. After ten minutes of The Night of a Thousand Cats, you'll be reaching for the mute button, utterly sick of the surfer/jazz/funk fusion score. To add bad to badness, Lavista's score is rarely unheard, dialog serves as a mere supplement to this raunchy ear-trash. As a topper, Cardona throws in five lengthy music videos of Hugo flying around in his chopper to Lavista's tunes, checking out future catfood candidates whilst wah-wah guitars and jazz drums sear in the foreground. Ouch!
All in all, I'd say the cats were the best actors in the production - mean, hungry, grungy... almost menacing. The human actors, with three lines of dialog apiece shoved between twenty-minute-long music videos, were more than wooden - they were dreadful. It takes skill for an actor to perform so badly that even when donning a poo-brown leather jacket with a butterfly-collared shirt and gigantic sunglasses, their sewer-low quality of acting doesn't make me giggle at least once. This coming from a guy who thought The Undertaker and His Pals was pretty funny.
In conclusion, DO NOT RENT THIS FILM. It is "torture B-cinema" completely missing its niche audience with its infinite amount of badness. Scary? No. Campy? No. Funny? No. Gorey? No. Flat? Yes! I beg you - miss this one even if your life depends on viewing it.
NO STARS
My Silly Pet Write-Off
My thanks to Bluehawq for letting me participate in her first ever hosted write-off. My utter angst to Bluehawq for inspiring me to watch this flick for the purpose of coming up with a fun and original entry for her write-off (just kidding). Here's the list others participating in the "My Silly Pet Write-Off" - check them out:
bluehawq, surferdude7, nikjdog, catladyfromnpt, AngelaBar, CJsMommy, jro26, Whitty, viper1963, KittyOKC, thom413, debbie26, Cartman_2K, GinaHill, AinsleyJo, marytara, susiewho, caleo, Ali78, disartain, djsplendid, mom2girlz, Sarahlynn, nwinston, frazzledspice, pmills1210, fostrmom2mny, ggrimes1221, HazelWebster, char.mike, altaloma, jo.com, Presleysmama, nanct, micheich, sherrywilliam, bpotter1, Sephiroth2000, Macresarf1, PalmerLD, Patch3boys, manky
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Recommended:
No
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Epinions.com ID:
third_man
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Member: Michael Scott
Location: Chicago, IL - Ocean City, MD
Reviews written: 33
Trusted by: 36 members
About Me:
Certified celluloid junkie - I prefer my cinema hardboiled, never over-easy.
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