Titles explained, reviewed, and belittled. Open Your Heart For Emily W/O
Feb 11 '02
The Bottom Line Any errors in this review have been overlooked by the author as any corrections would necessitate a reread, and I'm just not prepared for that.
This is my entry into the Open Your Heart For Emily Write Off, formerly known as the Open Kimono Write Off.
The idea of the thing is to write a review including all the titles of all your epinions. Some have gone to great creative lengths to work these titles into an actual running commentary (review) and ‘use’ the titles as opposed to merely mentioning them. That, as will soon become apparent, is a level of creativity foreign to me.
The other participants in the write off are:
macresarf1
Jankp
Cripper
jeff_wilder78
MaryTara
TomBarnes
Jdhauer
Lorace
Laura10801
Erinrounds
Fyvel
jillmkk
29th_candidate
BearySweet
Donnie013
ImAmes
DiverPam
DiverPam is the host, and this is easily the most maddening thing I have ever attempted. Please check out all the other entries, if for no other reason, just to see what various people have done with this idea.
Here we go!
My first thought on the subject at hand would really be to avoid it. Though there are obviously a lot of editorials here suggesting how and why you should develop an epinions personality, I think the best way to do to it... is to not.
The thing is not to develop a personality, but to have one. Certainly that is nothing that anyone here is likely qualified to direct you in.
There is, however, something to be said for showing your personality at epinions.
The first rule, I think, is that for some introductory period (a few months or a few dozen reviews) you should have no preformed ideas about what is going on here. For one thing, no one knows what’s going on here, and to think that you are going to know before you are even ‘here’ is a bad road.
During this introductory period, one should experiment with the place and with the formulation of one’s own reviews. Do not take criticism (at any time, but especially during this period) negatively, unless it simply cannot be avoided and there is no room for doubt as to a comment’s negativeness.
The second rule (again, I think) is that once you have taken a reasonable amount of time to decide what goes on here, and to decide what it is you are going to do here, don’t change it just because someone else tells you to. That is not showing your personality, and it is needless. If someone rates one of your reviews less than helpful, don’t make changes they suggest JUST because they make suggestions. Now, of course, often these suggestions will be good ones, will seem reasonable to you, and may seem to you good changes to make. In those cases, you certainly want to make them.
The tricky part comes when people suggest things that change your style or ‘voice’. Or, actually, when people suggest things that you just don’t want to change because that is your particular quirk. Several times a month (depending on how frequently I’m publishing), I get emails suggesting I separate my reviews into ‘chunks’ and make use of bold lettering to head these ‘chunks’, and to use bold and italics in general. You may or may not have noticed that I have never done this. Well, I don’t want to. Some people may not like me/trust me, etc. because of it, but there you go. I don’t want to type those fool little greater than signs and such, and not doing so is my own non-violent protest. I want a little button I can push that will make things bold without having to type extra stuff. That’s just the sort of curmudgeon I am. I want my instant coffee in the microwave.
Okay. Since I’m supposed to be using all the titles to my reviews, let’s get to it. I have actually been thinking of including a review here for a while, and now I have to use all the titles to my reviews, so I’ll see if I can’t combine the two.
People will tell you that your titles are important, and they are. The chief, objective, thing about your titles is that they should include the actual name of the product being reviewed (though they won’t here). This increases your non-member hits to a serious degree. Your titles should also give some indication of: whether you like the product or not, perhaps a feel for what sort of review is coming, and, hopefully, your personality. Also, when possible, you want to (sort of by definition) have your title make people want to read your review. In doing so, however, the title shouldn’t be contrary to the personality people may have come to expect.
* As I don’t use bold, my titles will be set off in these*
*Welcome To The Movies!* is the title I rather quickly chose for my review of ‘The Fellowship of the Ring’. The review was rather a different one for me, and what I wanted to get across was a possible rebirth in movies.
*Remember when you could make a movie about kids who kill people??* What can I say about this one? It has everything. It tells you I like the movie. It’s controversial. It gives some hint about what happens in the movie. It’s controversial. It lets you know that this is not a brand new movie. It definitely lends itself to my particular personality. And, it’s controversial.
*Harry Potter and the Marketing Wizard* Of course, this one is too obvious, but the book hardly merits any great expenditure of energy. And, there again, I’ve let you into my personality.
*Christmas and the Bad Magic* This is a review of one of my favorite Christmas movies. What I find interesting about it is that it has a very different idea of Christmas, and includes lots of magic and other things that draw controversy, and yet this particular one escaped any uproar. It’s also hard to find, so perhaps those that raise ruckuses don’t mind as long as no one can get it. And, maybe there is something less than above board about the fact that this is hard to find???? Again, Christmas... Bad Magic... sucks you right in, doesn’t it?
*The Real World! No, really. The Truman Show* Right away we have several things happening here. If there was any possibility that you didn’t know, I’m telling you that ‘The Truman Show’ is a movie basically based on reality television. Also, I’m making fun of people who like the television show by deliberately attempting to suck them in, because (and it boggles the mind) discounting pornography, it is one of the most searched for things on the internet. This, in itself, a clue to my personality.
*To Infinity and Beyond!* Aha! A catchphrase. This title may not seem an accurate reflection of my personality at first glance, but we can’t have everything. The review is on a book about infinity, which could not be more boring (in it’s way), and the review itself is dreadfully dull and tedious, and one needs something to perk it up and trick you into reading it. And, it is a sorely accurate title which tells exactly what the book is about.
*Get a stranglehold on your baby’s attention* What more could one ask for? People are going to want to know how to do just this, and I’m going to tell them how.
*The Surf King of Arizona!* Of course, any marketing executive worth his salt will tell you that one of the best ways (although a dangerous way) to incite interest in something is to say/do something ludicrous. Clearly, to be the Surf King of Arizona makes no sense, and people are going to want to know what I’m talking about.
*An autobiography of autobiographies* Clearly, there is nothing here at all. All you know is that it is (probably) an autobiography. No insight into anything, and very little interest generated. No one’s perfect.
*Dr. Who?* A simple hook that does lend some insight into the movie, but in an almost backward way. You have to know the movie (or at least read the review) before the title makes much sense. Still, Dr. Who is apparently fairly popular because the review has a fair number of non-member hits. We take what we can get.
*Happy Christmas. War Is Over* This is actually an editorial on epinions, and no creativity is required or expected.
*The beginning of modern fantasy* A review of a book that (I claim) was the first modern fantasy work. A bit of interest here just in the fact that I would make the claim, and everyone wants to read it just to disagree. Who do I think I am anyway?
*The myth of ‘violent’ toys* What did he just say? Myth? Hasn’t he seen all the documented evidence? Well, we’ll just see which whatfor I’ll have to give him. See how it works there? Of course, in a roundabout way this also tells you about my personality just in that I would say such a thing.
*A ‘Southern Fantasy’, or Much Haughty Ado About Nothing* Now that’s just catchy. And, we have learned that I am somewhat likely to know who Shakespeare is, and I possibly know what the word ‘haughty’ means.
*The place I write about may well never exist... for you* Cor! Don’t you oppress me mate! Why won’t it exist for me? What’s so special about you? What’s going on here anyway? Is this a work of fiction, and about a place yet? I want to know about San Francisco, not about your weirdo place that won’t exist. How does it help me learn about San Francisco to have you write about some babble that doesn’t exist? Well, I better see. Aha! Or, maybe he is somewhat (gasp) deep.
*I Dream. You Dream. Dream A Little Dream* Ahhh... better days. The light of childhood. Summer days and ice cream. Who could resist? And, who is not singing that little song?
*Economy as defined in the Tightwad Gazette* A review of a hotel, and I use that term loosely. And, not only do you know that I don’t like Econo Lodge (or this particular one) but I also don’t have much fondness for the ‘Tightwad Gazette’. Look, it’s a hotel review, it’s only going to be so much fun.
*Who’s where and what happened?* Instilling confusion. Another great marketing trick. You have to read more, because you are lost and need more information. Devilishly clever. You already wish you knew what this was a review of, don’t you? Muuuhahahaha. I wring my hands at you, as I plot my fiendish plots.
*Dragonlance takes on Sci-Fi* This one is taking a chance surely. Dragonlance may not mean anything to you, and Sci-Fi may not interest you. Already, so many demographics alienated. Alas. But, if you are in the right demographics (and, of course, if you aren’t I’m not very interested in you anyway... you are but a valueless statistic) you may find you want to know what is going on.
*Help! Help! I can’t think of anything to talk about* I’m led to understand that some people run into this problem. I can help you! Put your trust in me, and all will be well. Simply read my review, and your problems will solved.
*The Wheels On The Car Go Boom Boom Boom* Again, the shameless hook, and you are singing along with me, and reading my review.
*The word ‘Sometimes’ will never be the same* Changing the meaning of a word is he? Hmmm...
*Shall we serve you Lord? Hmmmm...No, I want you to die!* Now, that’s just good. There’s a Lord. There’s death. There’s obviously vicious, tyrannical behavior. What fun.
*Helping long-term* Odd, for me, in it’s normalcy. An editorial on how to help in the aftermath of September 11, and not something that ought to have anything but simplicity.
*It’s not how the world is that matters, it’s how you look at it* What a deep and moving thought. There is a movie that makes this statement? I had better find out more about it. What a caring, sensitive person to pick this idea out of this movie..........Muuuhahahaha.
*Don’t kill the messenger!* Since this a review of ‘The Bad News Bears’, we immediately know that there is something other than your normal review going on here. That’s a good thing as well, as many people want a warning about such things, and do not always take ‘other than normal’ reviews well if they are not alerted to the fact that such is coming beforehand.
*Oh yeah? Well, riddle me this Batman* Shameless.
*Checkmate! Not so fast.* Again, no one’s perfect.
*B-movie struts through town and few are willing to say it’s got no clothes.* Here we get a little more insight into my literary knowledge (even if it is only of children’s stories), and also, my engaging wit.
*All the fun of a really clean theme park* Again with the wit.
*Tips on How to Have Sex, Plan Orgies, and Keep Your Friends ‘Interested’.......Not really* This was my entry in a write off that asked the question ‘What the (heck) is this category here for?’ The category is ‘What you need to know about adult games’, and could not, in my opinion, be more worthless. Here’s a little tip for you while we’re at it. This review has nearly ten times the non-member hits of my next best review. I think maybe people are searching for ‘Tips on How to Keep Your Friends’.
*Ridiculous storylines achieve new Heights* And they do in this movie.
*Are fleas necessary? The flea control companies say no, but do they mean it?* Ahhh... anti-corporation fodder. Leading you in with a question that needs answering. Beautiful.
*Something makes the world go ‘round, maybe it’s chocolate* This one may seem slightly interesting, but it is actually an overly simple, boring, predictable title for a review of this movie.
*Lost Advisorships, Most Helpful, and Quit Your Whining!* Textbook. I spell out some general themes, and make clear my general attitude. Nothing flashy.
*Adler, Dreikurs, and now Nelsen* Taking a chance here again. If you don’t know who Adler and Dreikurs are, you aren’t likely to care that Nelsen is following their tradition.
*Between being rich and being a killer, I choose being a killer* Well, this could hardly be less politically correct. Slitting my own throat here. But, what could this movie be about? I’m afraid I must know.
*Real men don’t sit down, ever.* Real men don’t do what? Sit down? What is that supposed to mean?
*Forgotten Realms tries some detective work* This is another flub. The book is called ‘Realms of Mystery’, and it is a book in the ‘Forgotten Realms’, so there isn’t really any new information. Disappointing.
*I’m not exactly an Anglophile, but I’m certainly a Televanglophile* Now we know not only that I (might) know what an ‘anglophile’ is, but also that I think I am one (sort of). You also ‘know’ that I may or may not watch a lot of television.
*’Radio’ revisited* Worse than a flub. All we know is that there is something to do with ‘radio’ (and what does ‘radio’ mean anyway?). Terrible in every respect. Do not do this.
*A detailed look into the lives of uninteresting, crazy people* If this doesn’t tell you what is going on, and that I don’t like it, I don’t know what will.
*If this is good, I’d like to have a look at evil please* Simply political suicide. Do not look for me at a polling place near you.
*It’s no good giving them everything else if you don’t give them self-esteem* It seems that we have a nice, warm sentiment at first glance. But, the truth is that this is just so much self-righteous blather. I have to give my children self-esteem? Pfff. Don’t tell me how to raise my kids.
*Best dogs. Worst people.* Possibly perfection. In only four words so much is said. Would that they could all be thus. Thus?
*Pratchett’s wossnames. Massive burial plots. Pointy. Pyramids!* Well, you have to know Pratchett to some degree, but if you do you can smile. If you don’t and still smile you can simply count yourself lucky.
*Develop. Develop. Develop.* An earlier bit of babble on this very subject. Of course, it is obsolete now.
*The most influential band you don’t know.* Shady marketing from page one of the text. A sad attempt with little to no originality or merit. Less than a trick, a trick so old it has lost its trickiness.
*People haven’t groked it* Another misguided alienation of so much of one’s audience. Meaningless to everyone except those that don’t need the review. Pitiful really.
*Martha-a-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha* Somehow I couldn’t help it. If you can’t laugh at Martha Stewart (even, I should think, if you are Martha Stewart) then there is no hope for you.
*I didn’t want to watch it* I didn’t, and quite the summation. Lacking, obviously, in many regards, but something of an effort.
*Life sucks... but there’s singing!* More than this film deserves in an explanation. It’s themes so clearly expressed. Rather better expressed than even in the movie itself. Still, points off for not really commenting on my personality.
*Target will not exchange defective merchandise* A terrible title, but succinct. Target is the devil, and no, they will not exchange defective merchandise. You may think they will, but their policies are otherwise.
*Finally! A castle that isn’t surrounded by moors!* So much said. Unfortunately, it is a lie to suck you in. The castle in question is, in fact, surrounded by moors, as all castles are.
*The best show you aren’t watching* See explanation of shamelessly similar title above.
*Identify!* Too much, and too little. A title for those who don’t need (or want) one.
*The future of Christmas... hopefully* Again, sickeningly self-righteous and utterly devoid of merit. But, it’s Christmas... give me a break.
*Bull in the Glass Wizard Shop* When you are going to announce to the world that the latest Stephen King book is utter garbage, and is basically wasting a lot of otherwise perfectly good scrap paper, and is moreover ruining a perfectly good series of books, you had better say something snappy at the beginning.
*Is this thing on? Abuse, WOT, Advisors, and the future* Another epinions editorial which needs no explanation.
*Talk to the dead, Mr. Bond.* It’s not a James Bond book, but I clue you in to the fact that I have heard of James Bond. So you know that. Also, there may or may not be talking to the dead happening in the book. Interesting.
*Justice Vormancian — Dissenting* Not much here really, except that we know that I do not give ‘Crouching Tiger. Hidden Dragon’ a positive review. We also, perhaps, get a clue that something different is going to be going on here. My most hated review.
*The rebirth or continual decline of movies may hinge on Shyamalan* Boring, straight-forward (is that redundant?) title that tells us nothing except what is coming in the review. Worthless.
*Your dad’s a nut* And, he is. Interest through agitation, or reasonable facsimile thereof.
*Merely a lot of sex!* Flagrant use of the word ‘sex’ for no other reason than to use it. Shameless, almost degrading, tossing out of all respectability. This one only has about five times the non-member hits of other reviews.
*Curiouser and curiouser – The Write Off that never was.* How intriguing can one title be? The word curious itself is gold, but to use it twice! It’s a write off, but wait... it’s not a write off? I can hardly click to this review fast enough. That’s it, I’m getting DSL. Dial-up is not going to work for me if this is the sort of title I’m going to run into.
*It’s certainly old.* See, it’s a review of ‘Dinosaur’. Clever little play there. No. No. You’re right. It’s awful. I don’t know what I was thinking.
*Are you mocking me?* Well... are you? Sure, you say you aren’t, but what reason do I have to believe you? I’ve seen your kind before.
*The H stands for Helpful* Another little ditty about epinions. Be sure and include lots of these by the way, as people are loathe to trust you if you don’t have much to say about epinions. And, really, why should they? Why should they trust you at all for that matter? You’re not so special. Egads, that antagonism again.
*Ummm, Diaper Pail for pity’s sake* I suppose I should come up with some catchy, witty, informative title for a review of a diaper pail.
*Bison dangit! They’re bison* Well, they are. And, here we get to know the true depth of my knowledge as I call into question your error in calling them buffalo. Am I not lovable?
*Lions, and Witches, and Wardrobes! Oh my!* Again the catch-phrase, and the distribution of more unwanted insight into the splendor that is me. All at one blow we learn that I have read the book in question, and have seen ‘The Wizard of Oz’. The vastness of my experience is nearly overwhelming.
*A million ain’t what it used to be* Intelligent and clever, but not above using the ‘word’ ‘ain’t’ just as the common people.
*Don’t write reviews!* Straight-forward and boring, yet so strange a command that one cannot avoid that nagging little voice that tells you to read on.
*Or perhaps Tears of Stone would be better.* Meaningless without the title of the book (and perhaps as meaningless with it), nevertheless a little window into my world opens up before you.
*Treat children like people and they may turn into them* How poignant. Actually, ‘poignant’ is not a word I find value in, and it has been furthered ruined (if such is possible) by society’s incredible overuse. Mainly serving now (among those who prefer use in their words) simply as the placeholder in dictionaries between ‘pogrom’ (a type of organized massacre, particularly that of Jews in Russia) and ‘Poincare, Jules Henri’ (French mathematician, philosopher, and physicist), each of which are infinitely more valuable to the human condition than this silly word.
—Note— It’s these little bits of useless babble that create your personality. It is only in how we are bad that we are interesting, we are all good in precisely the same way.
—Note as to the note— Someone else said that, I just don’t remember who.
—Note on the note’s note— Someone else said the second sentence, not the first. That is all mine.
*Abortion arguments have gotten out of hand.* If you want to see the truly bizarre nature of the world, you haven’t much further to go than to discover that some people do not think this statement is true. For those keeping score. We know the subject at hand, my stance on it, and it is politically charged. And, the beauty is that I don’t reveal what side I’m on as to abortion itself, so everyone will have to read it. Muuuuhahahaha.
*Pictures pictures everywhere* Now, some people will immediately note a possible error, as they will think I should, of course, have added ‘and nary a drop to drink,’ or somesuch similar phrase as would complete the idea. This is only due to the fact, however, that you are pretentious, and I am above pretention. (Above pretention you see...? Seriously, read a book)
*Charlie’s Angels was not a pornographic comic book* Much to the dismay of many, I’m sure. Draw your own conclusions.
*Ready? O-Kay (clap)... wait let me start over* You might not realize from this title that I give this movie five stars, and that is definitely a shortcoming. Moreover, the title is a reference to something that happens in the movie (not useful if you haven’t seen it). Failure.
*Ahhh... gimme some of that DRY heat* A catch-phrase of Phoenix. Shameless. I hate Phoenix by the way, it ought to be a prison.
*Advice is just advice* One might hide their head.
*Getting people to trust me? Obviously I have no idea.* This was written a long time ago (sort of), and I still have no idea. It’s all random. I’m not entirely convinced the rest of you exist.
*What if you threw a movie and no one came? Well, except two people.* A reference to an old gag line older than anyone is bound to care about, about a movie that no one today would bother to sit through, by a person who loved it (and is thus immediately discredited). Great combination.
*The Tao of Golf. The Zen of overused plots.* Another side visited. Another facet of the jewel. The hours of work that went into this title alone. The toil that I am prepared to undertake for the enjoyment of my readers is nearly measurable.
*You want to be a bloody what?!* Pure shock value. I have taken hold of your rather dulled senses, and snatched you around and screamed ‘Look at me!’ You can’t resist.
*The First rule is there’s no first rule* Subtly off-track just enough to spark some interest. An interesting (I daresay) statement about a key element of the book, and it’s failure.
*Freeish printers can’t be all bad* Or, can they? Printer. Cheap. It’s probably not very good. Everything you need to have under your belt upon entry to the review. Short marks for aesthetics, but a decent technical score.
*Can it? Can it really?* I don’t even know what review this is the title for. Obviously some clever poke at the title of something. One needn’t even ask then, if this is a good title. Horrible.
*You’d find it much easier to be happy* Again, and that’s two in a row, obviously a review of something that has some sort of title like, ‘If...,’ but I don’t know what. At this point, something’s gone wrong.
*One act does not a play make* This one is actually wrong. There are one act plays, and so we’ve got to take away some points there.
*Impossible task* My attempt at choosing my top-ten movies of all-time. The title, and the review are both utter failures. The title is terrible and uninformative, and the review includes some 85ish titles.
*The other companies are still in business?* Pretty boring, but my view (and endorsement) are most clearly stated. It’s a truck rental company, and it is only going to be so interesting (which is not much at all really).
*A series drags on... and wonders why* An awkward theft of a catch-phrase from within the book. Not at all helpful as a title, but somewhat catchy. Possibly creating some interest, though not likely.
*Death sense* This is the title of a review for ‘The Sixth Sense’. The problem here, and you may notice that this is a particular horrid, dull title, is that everything to do with a title for a review of this movie had been done.
*Little Big Man* Another failure.
*Don’t ring that sale until you see the whites of their eyes* It has everything. It’s witty. It tells the tale of the story to come. It’s bold, daring, low calorie, wrinkle-resistant, NEW, and (and this is not common knowledge) it’s buy one get one free. Of course, it’s actually awful, sophomoric, and lacking in any sort of style.
*The embrace of Grace* Well... it sort of rhymes.
*How to make a bad movie and have people love it* A curious statement that reserves real judgement as to whether I like it or not. There’s that ‘curious’ again.
— Note— I am getting really bored of this. How are you doing?
*Please just get out of my way!* Antagonism pure and simple. I don’t like you, and I want you to get out of my way. Visualize laughter.
*Expedite your trip... maybe* Wit had a bad morning and decided to call in sick.
*Did the butler do it?* Yes.
*Communicate? Communicate?!* What we have here is a failure to do same. See movie.
*My head hur... Ahhh.* See... it’s all very clever. If you don’t get some of them just nod and play along and no one will make fun of you.
*Go forth and kill things!* You could hardly ask for more controversy or irritant. Getting people to read your reviews through alienation. Tricky concept. Getting people to like you by pretending not to care if they like you.
*My barrel runneth over* And, we all learn that I have heard of the Bible.
*Ripper who?* Terrible title. Making light of Jack the Ripper is just not good business.
*Squirrel fur slippers?* Debunking a literary tradition. Further distancing myself from virtually every demographic.
*A garden by any other name is dark at midnight* Again with the oh so dull and belabored references to things that snobby ‘readers’ (and generally upright people) are supposed to know. Does it never end?
*Death takes a holiday - literally* Note the proper use of the single-word turn of phrase ‘literally’. The sentence has an alternative metaphoric, or even hyperbolic use, thus delivering some sense to making mention of the fact that the sentence is meant literally, as opposed to these other uses. Learn it. Know it. Live it. (No, this is not the title of a review of the movie. That would be trivial in the extreme.)
*The never returners.* It’s a review of ‘The Borrowers’ you see, hence great loads of cleverness.
*Forgotten fables* This is pretty ‘standard’ as a review title, but considering the subject matter it seemed to fit.
*Brothers brothers brothers* I refuse to comment on the grounds that I might agree with you.
*Ahhhhhh!* I have no knowledge of the events in question. I didn’t lie. Nothing could be further from the truth. (??????) I merely willingly participated in a campaign devoted the continuation and dispersement of misinformation. (Someone really said that. Look into it.)
*The secret word is... hilarity* If you can’t reference old-time television game shows, well... then, I mean, what’s the point of anything. This was a tricky one. ‘Brain Donors’ is a movie in homage of the Marx Brothers. It would have been so frightfully easy to simply create some play on the title of any of their many movies. But, with just that little extra effort far less people will know what I’m talking about.
*On a dark, desert highway...* Still another entry in the long list of needless referencing of other things. I’m starting to think this guy is rather full of himself.
*Stood and Delivered!* A predecessor to ‘Stick ‘em up!’ which is only remembered today by Renaissance festival enthusiasts, tedious Anglophiles, and various other ‘nancyboys’.
*Jesus is as Jesus does* You don’t like to say it, but I was simply making fun of an embarrassment of a movie as introduction to a masterpiece.
*Bunnies and Horsies and Bears!* The giveaway ‘Oh my’ is missing, but the referent is understood, and (if you are actually awake) this is a referent that has been used already! Creativity is running on empty.
*Only mostly dead?* It’s almost like there is nothing else. Another pitiful reference to a line in a movie in the tragically depressing hopes that some connection with the movie will get people interested in a review. It’s hard to take seriously.
— Note— Seriously, this hurts me more than it hurts you.
*Niall & Anthony’s* Now, there’s nothing wrong here. Not great, but the review is of Ben & Jerry’s, and since the two presshound ice cream company owners sold out to Unilever, a huge multi-national conglomerate, after years of anti-corporation/big business propaganda, they deserve anything they get. Damn good ice cream though.
*It’s a trap! Run! Run!* The movie was ‘Bait’ with Jamie Foxx, and if you’ve seen it you now that I can’t be held completely responsible.
*Mr. Doctor* Not even I am quite sure what I was thinking.
*No faults here* Except in the sorry excuse for a title.
*Tightwad eh?* The aforementioned useless book ‘The Tightwad Gazette’. See the review for full explanation, but suffice it to say that unless you are interested in making your clothes and furniture out of other people’s garbage, there is very little of use here. No interesting title required.
*Run screaming from the roomsies* You may have heard of the movie ‘Newsies’. You may not have heard of it, and then I am in envy of you.
*Remember that summer?* Unfortunately, it did not occur to me, as I came up with this title, that the simple answer is, no.
*They’re only mostly dead* Imagine someone who would not only cheaply abuse references to other things in their titles, but would reuse them. And, more than once no less. I’m getting depressed.
*Notables & Less than brights* The title of the book is ‘Heroes & Fools’ so, although you might not have thought so at first, it turns out to be rather a whimsical play.
*Mall of Shame* A review of the Mall of America. Having America in the name of your mall seems unfair to me. How is one supposed to make a negative comment on it?
*Where is Goose Island?* I don’t know. Again, don’t overlook the easy answer. Besides, clearly I have given no one any reason to care where it is. Ahh well.
*No Deposit. No Return.* Almost unforgivable uselessness. Somehow, though, there is something endearing in its simplicity.
*You want me to do what?* All titles should be so stunningly direct. Try not to read the review.
*Die Mice Die!* And who wouldn’t agree. Almost too direct to be of use, because everyone wants mice to die there is little to no reason for further information on the fact.
*Scavengers* No comment.
*Not exactly necessary* On the movie ‘Necessary Roughness’. If the laugh isn’t there already, don’t wait for it.
*Finally dead fleas.* Flea killer. What do you want from me? I’m not holding up well under the pressure.
*Happy Birthday!* I’m not completely certain I even wrote this one.
*Dune II* This one is so obscure in nature that I don’t know that I get it. Not only does ‘Dune’ have to have some meaning for you, but also the dated computer game ‘Dune II’.
*Most of the time* On the movie ‘Always’, and just so predictable.
*Slim-slow but steady* Say it with me... Slim-Fast. I’m putting myself to sleep.
*The End of the World As We Know It* Somehow, I don’t feel fine.
— Note— We are entering ugly territory here.
*Gold Cup* The movie ‘Tin Cup’. Typical.
*Didn’t quite fly.* Almost something, but here we look at the value of being the best of the truly rotten.
*Fletcho* No comment necessary.
*Being humane* On the movie ‘Being Human’. Sigh.
*Camber puppermaster*
—Note— I can’t even comment on them anymore.
*Not even a bishop*
*Just don’t think about it.*
*The dark and the light*
*Roleplaying mastery*
*Whose rules?* Oh, that’s clever.
*How much is enough?*
*Where to go, where to go?*
*Anything in your eyes.*
*A guide not a rulebook*
*Pig’s lament.*
*A fifth of the future.*
*Army life.*
*Brothers outside the law.*
*Genius is as genius does.* Seem familar?
*It’s not wonderful, but it’s life.* That one is actually pretty good, on the movie ‘Family Man’.
That’s it.
For the record, a few of these reviews have been deleted now that I looked at how sad they are (not just the titles).
There is absolutely nothing in this that should be taken seriously (including this).
There is sadly little information here on developing an epinions personality.
Or, is there?
Cheers!
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Epinions.com ID:
Vormancian
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 - Top 500 |
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Member: Marc Eastman
Location: Bangor,ME
Reviews written: 330
Trusted by: 352 members
About Me:
Evangeline Sylvan Betty Eastman. AKA "Cricket" 9/12/06
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