Damn, I Wish I Would Survive Touching Myself! (Soundtrack to Your Life Write-Off, Part 1)
Feb 18 '02 (Updated Apr 08 '02)
The Bottom Line All but two of these songs are part of my personal MP3 collection, and most are long-time favorites of mine, for various reasons. I hope you enjoy.
It’s been a while since I’ve done a write-off, so I was really excited by Carletta’s invitation. “The Soundtrack to Your Life” is one of the most interesting write-off ideas I’ve ever seen, and I’m delighted to be participating. That said, I’ve had a terrible time getting my entry together, since the DSL has been down in my dorm room ever since we got back from Winter Break. What that means is no high-speed Internet access, and it really makes it hard to write about stuff if I want to get outside information. I like to pull up the lyrics to the song (if I don’t have them from the CD), and get any background information I can about the singer and his or her career. Unfortunately, much of that information will be lacking. I have to synthesize the lyrics as well as I can just by listening to the song. But I’ll do it all for you, my adoring fans. Anyway, all but two of these songs are part of my personal MP3 collection, and most are long-time favorites of mine, for various reasons. I hope you enjoy.
I Will Survive - Gloria Gaynor
This has got to be my all-time favorite song, and a karaoke standard of mine. It starts with that eminently recognizable piano cascade, giving directly into the start of the song itself. Gloria starts a little coyly, understating her full voice and accompanies only by a gentle guitar and a very hesitant drum. Then we hit “And so you’re back / From outer space,” and the gates to funky-town are thrown wide open. The drums are doing the most amazing sort of “chica-boom” thing in a really fast tempo, and there is something else that is very prominent, but I’m not actually sure what it is. It might be a string instrument, or it might be synthesized, but whatever it is, it carries most of the melody during the non-vocal sections. Gloria Gaynor’s voice is amazingly expressive, conveying strong inflection and a degree of attitude not often seen in popular music. While listening to this song, it is difficult (for me, at least) to stop yourself from really getting into it bodily. I mean, my shoulders are just all over the place right now, and it’s really hard to type.
The song is about coming through a painful breakup, and becoming a stronger person for it. Fortunately, I have never been through a painful breakup, but I still really love this song. I guess I consider myself a survivor, and I do admire women who can do what the main character does in this song. My Aunt Phyllis’ husband left her for the receptionist in his office, and my aunt made this song her personal anthem. Lyrically, I enjoy the couplet rhymes of the song because they are precise and cute but not corny. There is one lyric that I’m not sure about. Most listings I see indicate that the line is “I’m not that tender little person still in love with you.” But every time I listen, I could swear she actually says “chained up little person,” which I like much better.
I would like to pass on some tips for performing this song in a karaoke situation. Hitting that first vocal beat in exactly the right place is definitely the hardest part of doing this song for karaoke. The first half of the first verse is difficult as well, because there is no beat yet. To punctuate the tempo change, what you’ll want to do is a finger-lasso above your head, while gyrating your hips in time to the words “outer space. The main thing, though, is to get your actions right when it comes to “Go on now, go / Walk out the door / Just turn around now / ‘Cause you’re not welcome anymore / Weren’t you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye? / Did you think I’d crumble? / Did you think I’d lay down and die?” Line by line, what I like to do is: Point out to my right. / Waggle my finger out there to keep the beat. / Turn around and gyrate. / Make the universal “no” sign with my two hands. / Nothing for a moment. / Fall to my knees. / Lie down.” Then I spring up triumphantly for the chorus. It drives the crowd wild.
I Touch Myself - Davinyls
This is another great song for karaoke. It starts with a great crescendo of drums and electric guitar, and then the vocals come in right where you’d expect. The electric guitar is a continued presence throughout the song, and the drums keep a strong beat without drowning out the rest of the music. It seems that the melody is carried mainly by the vocalist, whose voice has just the slightest hint of throatiness but isn’t hoarse. I especially like when her voice goes up during the chorus, on the syllable “bout” in the line “when I think about you.” I also enjoy the part where she speaks the chorus and then makes those sexy little “ooh” noises.
So, what is she doing when she “thinks about you?” Well, let me explain. She is super-hot for this guy. She sings “I love myself / I want you to love me / When I feel down / I want you above me / I search myself / I want you to find me / I forget myself / I want you to remind me.” That is immediately followed by “I don’t want anybody else / When I think about you I touch myself.” So, you see, she seriously wants this guy, and is either in love with him or has a major crush. Consequently, she touches herself. I really do think that this song is about masturbation, and not some more metaphorical “touching.” I know that masturbation is what I do when I think about a guy for whom I am hot. Other songs that are about masturbation include “Turning Japanese,” “She Bop,” and Toni Braxton’s “I Get So High.” I tend to get crushes on guys. A lot. And when I do, well, I do touch myself. A lot.
I’ve gotten huge applause for this song at karaoke events. The key to this one is audience participation. It really helps if the crowd includes a lot of your friends, preferably of the opposite gender from yourself (or the same gender, in a homosexual crowd). I start with a rapid hip pump during the crescendo, and I add appropriate play-acting motions during the opening stanza, found above in its entirety, and other verses. I think that the lyrics really do lend themselves to being acted out. For example, when I sing “I’d get down on my knees / I’d do anything for you,” I actually do get down on my knees in front of a girl in the audience. Then we come to the chorus, which can make or break your performance. When the lyrics call for When I think about you I touch myself,” I like to insert the name of one of my friends who is there, and who everyone knows. For example, on one occasion when I sang this one, SDC Treasurer Theresa Mai-Ly Nguyen was in the audience. So I sang, “When I think about Theresa Nguyen I touch myself!” It comes as a surprise the first time you do it, and still brings laughs later when you call on unexpected people. Also, one must take pains to not appear vulgar. Naturally, you’ll want to do something when you sing that you “touch [your]self,” but it would be obscene to grope your genitals, despite the implications of the song. I have found that an effective tactic is to sensuously stroke your own cheek, neck, chest, and leg.
Dancing Queen - ABBA
I’ve never done this one at karaoke, but that’s nothing but a personal oversight. “Dancing Queen” was made famous by ABBA in the ‘70s, but it has since been re-recorded by Sixpense None the Richer (a favorite band of mine) for the Dick soundtrack and by the A*Teens for ABBA Generation, which is their homage to ABBA Gold, if by “homage” I mean “song-for-song reproduction.” I own all three of these, but the only version I have access to right now is Sixpense None the Richer, so it is to that rendition that my instrumental comments must pertain. I love how the opening vocal is accompanied at first only by a hesitant piano, then joined by the guitar, and then a full orchestra on the second repetition of the line. The melody is accented by something that sounds like a violin, and the piano continues prominently, which is different and refreshing in music today. There is also some sort of electric harpsichord or some such that throws in nice little touches. The many instruments are balanced incredibly well, each one finding something useful to do.
This song is about the kind of moment that might come only once in a young woman’s life, where the music and the mood is just perfect, and she becomes the center of attention on the dance floor. “And when you get that chance / You are the dancing queen / Young and sweet only seventeen / Dancing queen / Feel the beat from the tambourine / Oh yeah / You can dance; you can die / Having the time of your life / See that girl, watch that scene / Digging the dancing queen.” On the other hand “Anybody could be that guy,” which I find amusing. It stresses the importance of the woman herself, even if she has a dance partner. Now, why is this part of my life’s soundtrack? Well, as a homosexual, I may be called a “queen.” Taking into account the fact that I enjoy dancing, and am rather good at it, that makes me a sort of “dancing queen” myself.
Goody Two Shoes - Adam Ant
Bam! This song starts with really intense rhythmic drumming. Then a lone guitar comes in, strumming a complementary tune. And then the trumpets appear like a fanfare, marking that as a good moment to start dancing, not to mention helping you keep the beat. The trumpets go away during the verses and come back during the chorus. There’s a great trumpet solo about two minutes into the song, but basically not much other variety in the instrumentation.
This song reminds me of the way I was in high school. The chorus goes, “Goody two, goody two / Goody goody two shoes / ... / Don’t drink, don’t smoke / What do you do? / ... / Subtle innuendos follow / There must be something inside.” Back in high school, I didn’t do anything that could be construed as naughty. I was just your basic clean-cut kid. Well, except for the one time when I got a blow job in the boy’s bathroom, but that was the end of senior year. Anyway, I still don’t smoke, since that would just be stupid, and it’s totally icky. But I do drink now, in social situations. The point is, people treat you like there’s something wrong with you if you don’t do those kinds of things. But when I have to, I can still sell myself as a totally clean-cut American boy.
You Gotta Be - Desree
This songs starts with a simple piano (maybe synthesizer-created), and Desree’s voice comes in with a certain crooning quality that reminds me of Eartha Kitt. On the chorus, some light drums kick in, but Desree definitely remains the centerpiece of the music. This song acknowledges that the world may not be the easiest place to survive in, but that everyone has it within them to make the effort. She concedes that “Time asks no questions, it goes on without you / Leaving you behind if you cant stand the pace,” and she stresses that “You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold, you gotta be wiser / You gotta be hard you gotta be tough you gotta be stronger / You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm, you gotta stay together.” At first glance, this seems to support a very stiff, emotionless existence. Luckily, Desree clarifies her message. Firstly, her chorus actually concludes with the following statement: “All I know all I know love will save the day.” Secondly, a later portion of the song elaborates that you “Got to be hard (not too too hard).” So, her guidelines for living the world seemed to be geared specifically towards difficult situations that require a tough exterior, and not towards all life situations.
I put this song in my soundtrack because I really think it is inspirational. Desree names nine behavioral traits in her chorus, all of which I consider to be highly virtuous. Her song expresses the idea of unlimited possibilities if you just apply yourself. And she doesn’t sugarcoat; the world is tough, so you need to be tough, too. I’d like to think I manage this pretty well. In hard situations, I rise to the occasion by modifying the outward expression of my personality while maintaining my own identity perfectly intact.
Let’s Hear it for the Boy - Deniece Williams
This song comes from the movie soundtrack to Footloose. It starts with drums, and a synthesizer sound like a percolator. Then comes another synthesizer product, with a bit of a twang that makes me think of a rubber band. It is that portion that maintains the melody, and its introduction is the point at which most people would recognize the song. Soon after, one last synth-sound comes in, sounding something like a harpsichord. Deniece Williams has a lovely voice that remains smooth when it deepens at a few points. She also does a sweet, higher-pitched crooning sound. She has backup singers that are there during the chorus and the fade-out. During the chorus, they sing along with her, while during the end of the song they alternate singing things similar to her, but not exactly repeating (e.g., “Let’s hear it for the boy” after Deniece sings, “Let’s hear it for my baby.”)
Deniece is singing about the man she loves. Interestingly, we learn at various points the following facts about him: “My baby, he don't talk sweet, he ain't got much to say,” “And maybe he don't dress fine,” “My baby may not be rich, he's watching every dime,” “And maybe he sings off-key.” However, she also points out that “He loves me, loves me, loves me,” which makes him the right guy for her. The bottom line is that “ Maybe he's no Romeo but he's my loving one-man show.” I’ve sometimes been amused by the fact that this guy seems to have no redeeming qualities, but that’s not really the case; his many positive qualities are so overwhelming that she overlooks his negative ones. However, they make for better lyrics. Anyway, I picked this song because I am a boy, and I would like to hear it for me.
I Want Your Sex - George Michael
This song starts with a vampy sort of guitar, which is then joined by drums. The music very intentionally has a quality that I can only describe as seductive. The rest of the instrumentation is not especially noticeable until the end, because the song is strongly lyrics-driven. Although, the vampy guitar comes back during the chorus. After the first two verses, the music does do some interesting things with synthesizer sounds
Basically, George Michael wants to have sex with the girl that he’s been in a relationship with for what he considers to be an appropriate length of time. The introduction to his plea changes; one time, it is “A man’s got his patience / And here’s where mine ends,” while another time he says, “I can’t take much more girl / I’m losing control.” The upshot is always the same, though, namely “I want your sex / I want your love / I want your sex / I want your...sex.” His argument is rather persuasive: “It’s natural / It’s chemical / It’s logical / Habitual / It’s sensual / But most of all / Sex is something that we should do / Sex is something for me and you / Sex is natural; sex is good / Not everybody does it but everybody should / Sex is natural; sex is fun / Sex is best when it’s one on one.” You may notice that there is a strong sentiment of monogamy here, which is an especially important message in this day and age of HIV. He wants her to listen up, as he sings, “I’m not your father / I’m not your brother / Talk to your sister / I am a lover,” and later, “What’s your definition of dirty, baby? / What do you consider pornography? / Don’t want to love me ‘til it hurts me, baby? / Don’t you think it’s time you had sex with me?” Finally, he just implores her, “C-c-c-c-c-c-come on!”
I think a lot like George Michael does in this song. I think that it is normal and healthy to advance to physical intimacy fairly early in a relationship, and if done responsibly it leads only to pleasure and enjoyment. The line between fooling around and sex is a bit vague for homosexuals, but I am not all about those actions generally considered to be sex (oral and anal). I just like being naked in bed with a partner and making out. The point is, Georgie boy is right on the money. Also, he’s gay and incredibly hot, and I want his sex.
You Get What You Give - The New Radicals
Musically, this is probably the most interesting song on my list. Initially there is just a barely audible, tinny guitar, then a sort of jet-plane sound comes across, and the guitar gets louder. What sounds like a tambourine comes across as well, and then the singer accents some of the beats with vocalizations. The verses have mostly just drums with the guitars, as does the chorus, but it really jams. The piano can also be detected throughout the song. I can’t help but notice that Gregg Alexander, the lead singer, has a rather impressive vocal range, as he goes quite high at several points.
As for the message of the song, it is one of positivity No matter how the world may get you down, you should get up and show the world that “You’ve got the music in you.” There’s another line that I really like, about “Frienemies / Who when you’re down ain’t your friend.” It’s just a neat word construction, but also describes a certain kind of person very well. There’s another line where he makes reference to “The bad rich / God’s flying in for your trial.” I would like to hope that this is a reference to dishonest businessmen like the board of directors of Enron, and not a generalized anti-capitalist sentiment. I like this song because I’ve had dark times (Who hasn’t?), but I’ve always fought back. Plus, I can really identify with the closing sentiment. In other words, if you don’t like my review, “Come around / I’ll kick your ass in!”
Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover - Sophie B. Hawkins
Okay, I take it back. This is the most interest song from a musical standpoint. This song starts with a combination of synthesized sounds that resemble a harpsichord and a vibraphone, respectively. Rather than drums, the main percussion is a sound that could be compared most accurately to the clapping of hands. On the first chorus, a more guitar-like sound enters the picture, as does a tambourine of some sort. At the end of that chorus, what appears to be an actual drum is added as well. The next chorus marks the debut of some kind of bell or chime that only remains for the duration of the chorus. It is soon replaced by a brassy trumpet-ish sound that punctuates the bridge. The chimes come back for the next chorus. The orchestration is so complex that I can feel my IQ inching upwards. Plus, the instruments come together quite beautifully. Sophie B. Hawkins’ voice has a certain quality that I can really only describe as vital; I absolutely believe everything that she is singing. It also acquires various tones that can respectively be described as whispering, throbbing, and ethereal. She provides her own backup (I think) during the chorus, and she holds one fiercely long note at the end of the bridge.
Okay, I don’t know if Sophie B. Hawkins wrote this song herself, but if she did then she’s a lyrical genius. This song is one the best examples I have ever seen of the definition of a song as poetry set to music. The first verse, “That old dog has chained you up alright / Give you everything you need to live inside a twisted cage / Sleep beside an empty rage / I had a dream I was your hero,” is absolutely gripping, and the effect is maintained throughout the song. And look at the chorus: “Damn I wish I was your lover / I'll rock you till the daylight comes / Make sure you are smiling and warm
I am everything / Tonight I'll be your mother / I will do such things to ease your pain / Free your mind and you won't feel ashamed.” Sophie B. Hawkins is all woman if you ask me. Plus, I absolutely adore her for managing to use the word “Shucks.” When I got the lyrics to the song on the Internet (I had to cut and paste all the lyrics into a Word file and then save it to disk so I could view it in my apartment without DSL.), I was surprised to find a suggestion of lesbianism. Here, tell me what you think of this: “I lay by the ocean making love to her with visions clear.” I mean, the song clearly establishes that the singer is a woman (“If I was your girl...), but apparently she also makes love to women. Is the object of her adoration also a woman? Well, anyway, the implication of homosexuality is not the reason I picked this song; I wasn’t even aware of it until today. I picked this song simply because I have felt this way; I have intensely desired to be the lover of various men that I have encountered.
I Want You to Want Me - Cheap Trick
This was the only song on the “soundtrack” to which I could not gain aural access during the time of writing. Thus, I cannot comment on the musical qualities of this piece. What I can tell you is that the live version of this song put the group Cheap Trick on the map in the late ‘70s, and it was rerecorded by Letters to Cleo for the 10 Things I Hate About You soundtrack, as well as by Hanson even more recently (I think). Last month, an episode of Dawson’s Creek featured Katie Holmes as Joey singing this song to an adoring crowd. The bottom line is that this song rocks. The basic thing that gets repeated over and over again is “I want you to want me. / I need you to need me. / I'd love you to love me. / I'm beggin' you to beg me.” And, just so you know, the singer isn’t just waiting around for all this to happen. He vows that “I'll shine my old brown shoes, I’ll put on a brand-new shirt. / I'll get home early from work if you say that you love me.” Naturally, this song again hearkens back to my insatiable desires, and the fact that I am almost desperate for the approval of others, and their sexual attraction to me.
You’re So Vain - Carly Simon
This is one of those songs that everyone knows, to the extent that most people know Carly Simon only as “The You’re So Vain Chick.” I understand that she has actually sung other songs. Unfortunately, I am not familiar with any of them. This song dates back to the seventies, but can be found more recently on the Dick soundtrack (It’s a damn good soundtrack; buy it!). It starts with a very cool drum thingie (rapid beats that you barely hear at first), accompanied by the first strummings of the guitar. The verse features more of the same, along with the piano. The choruses, especially the later ones, see the addition of a violin, and the musical bridge features a very nice electric guitar solo. Carly Simon’s voice is pleasant, and she puts a lot of emotion into the lyrics. Her voice twangs appealingly when she sings the title words, and it would be hard to imagine anyone else singing this song.
This song has very clever lyrics. Carly sings, “You’re so vain / You probably think this song is about you / You’re so vain / I’ll bet you think this song is about you / Don’t you? Don’t you?” The lyrics are the perfect trap, and they’re sort of meta-lyrics, which is wonderful. I mean, if the song is about him, the he might very well know it, but if he says that it’s about him, he’ll just be proving it right. You can tell a woman wrote that. Carly is singing about a guy who is charismatic and full of himself, and expects every situation to work to his advantage. He once dated her, so she’s a little bitter, but basically she’s glad that he’s out of her life. I’m still not sure what-all she means about the “clouds in [her] coffee,” though. I picked this song because, well, I am so vain. No, really, I expect guys to be hot for me if they’re gay, and I get miffed if they’re not (attracted to me, that is. Oh, all right, I also get miffed if they’re not gay.). I always assume that I’ll be able to find the right answer for anyone having trouble in any of my classes. And so forth; I’m so full of myself that it’s sickening.
Hey Mickey - Toni Basil
Everyone knows this song. It’s an old standard of the ‘80s, and Toni Basil is the consummate example of a one hit wonder. Actually, Toni was given the chance to sing “Walk Like an Egyptian,” but she turned it down and it was eventually performed by The Bangles. Too bad for Toni, but pretty good for us, I think. The song opens with just drums and the sound of clapping, while Toni sings the portion of the song that sounds like a cheer. Then a, um, a, oh, geez, I’m at a total loss to describe this. A synthesized sound that somehow sounds like it is twirling around in circles. No, I’m not on LSD. What made you ask? The first time, there are no vocals, but this interesting instrument later provides the background for a refrain. The verse has drums and a guitar, and the three “phases” of the song basically just cycle a whole bunch of times.
Every other time that I have listened to this song, I have focused on two lines. First: “Oh Mickey, you're so fine / You're so fine, you blow my mind, hey Mickey, hey Mickey,” and second: “Oh Mickey, what a pity, you don't understand / You take me by the heart when you take me by the hand / Oh Mickey, you're so pretty, can't you understand / It's guys like you, Mickey.” Consequently, I interpreted this song as an homage to an incredibly hot guy, and I selected this song for inclusion because I happen to be such a guy. But when I sat down and read the lyrics in preparation for writing this, I discovered something unexpected: This is a Song of Unbridled Horniness. The first line that caught my attention was “Cause when you say you will, it always means you won't / You're givin' me the chills, baby, please baby don't / Every night you still leave me all alone, Mickey .” You see, she wants him to go farther with her, which is still considered an unusual position for a woman to take, as men are usually regarded as the appropriate initiators and escalators of sexual intimacy. However, I applaud it. Then came this eye-popper: “Every time you move I let a little more show / There's something you can use, so don't say no, Mickey / So come on and give it to me anyway you can / Anyway you want to do it, I'll take it like a man.” Toni Basil wants sex! She wants it now! She wants it rough! I think she even wants it up the ass! This song really is about me (Except that, despite being a gay man, I’m really not all about the butt.).
Edge of Seventeen - Stevie Nicks
This song opens with the rapid strumming of a guitar, and then Stevie sings the main line from the chorus, which we’ll be hearing a lot of: “Just like the white winged dove / Sings a song sounds like she’s singing / Ooo...baby...ooo...said...ooo”. They are occasional hints of cymbals and a piano during the verse, as well as copious backup vocals. Both of the other instruments assert themselves during the chorus and later during the bridge. This song is about Stevie Nicks’ “character” being in love (or at least lust) with a much younger boy. She sees him at some sort of dance hall, and “Everything stopped / Nothin' else mattered / He was no more than a baby then / Well he seemed broken hearted / Something within him / But the moment that I first laid / Eyes on him / All alone on the edge of seventeen.” Some of the lyrics are very poetic, such as “And the days go by / Like a strand in the wind / In the web that is my own / I begin again.” Ultimately, though, such verbal complexities detract from the understandability of the song. However, the line “I’m a few years older than you / My love” leaves little room for doubt about the song’s theme. I included this song because, dirty filthy pervert that I am, I have a certain attraction to men of the younger persuasion (Hey, come on! A seventeen-year-old boy is a fully developed sexual creature, no matter what the law says!).
Now, I am shocked. Shocked! Epinions actually seems to have a maximum length thing going on here. But this is only about 75% of my review. Can I post another review in this topic? Stay tuned and find out! Actually, you don’t have to stay tuned, I’ll just tell you the answer now: Yes. Here it is: http://www.epinions.com/content_2536743044
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Epinions.com ID:
DavidK93
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Member: David Kaplan
Location: Baltimore, MD
Reviews written: 119
Trusted by: 179 members
About Me:
Passions has been canceled, again. But I think I'll get over it; I've gained perspective.
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