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sahms I know have financial difficulties (Reply to this comment)
by cullie
The sahms I know seem to have financial difficulties. They will boast that they "don't have to work" but will later complain that they can't afford to do a certain activity, or even ask to borrow petty cash from their friends. Hey, if you can't afford it - THEN DON'T DO IT.
Its wrong for a woman to stay home for years and expect others to help her out financially in order to do so. Such as constantly asking in-laws and parents for help, borrowing money from friends, asking their church for financial help -all because the woman believes its her birthright to stay home. That is mooching, plain and simple. There is no entitlement to be a sahm or sah, and if you can't afford it - then don't do it.
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Feb 06 '08
12:03 pm PST
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Re: Re: I think you've constructed ... (Reply to this comment)
by Mr.Eyore
I'm sorry I've gotten your panties in a bunch, maggsmom. I know you've been reading my reviews for a long time -- or at least rating them -- and I will feel a little, well, lost knowing that you won't be coming around any more. That being said, I want to make something clear: I was not attacking SAHM's generally, and in particular, I was not attacking the writer of this epinion, who I happen to thing is a very fine writer. I was answering what I saw in this epinion as a bogus argument regarding why SAHM's are under attack. And anyone here that is the least bit honest will admit that SAHM's ON EPINIONS believe they are under attack. And that SAHM's here have gone on a few attacks of their own, individually and as a group. My point had nothing to do with saying that people who can and do stay at home to raise their children are bad people. They are not. Obviously. My point was that, as a group, they are more than a little annoying, high-handed, defensive and unskilled.
What was my point about SAHM's being on the writing level of a college freshman? That, like proud young college freshman, too many SAHM's believe that everything they throw down on the page is golden, and they are more than a little purturbed when adults tell them otherwise. You've probably noticed the same phenomenon when your kids were going through their potty training: "It came out of me and it sure is big, so it must be special." Well, you know what? Some of it is just cr*p. And more of that cr*p comes from SAHM's than from other "groups."
I think you need to evaluate your GRAMMATICAL errors and use of sentence structure before you "attack" someone who was chosen by EPINIONS as a CL.
Yes, sometimes I too fail to spell-check my comments. I guess that means nothing I have to say has merit. But, please, don't even start with the "Epinions chose her as CL, so she has automatic merit." It so happens she has independent merit, but being CL don't really mean dick. The same goofballs that gave her that distinction have given me two years worth of Advisorships and Top Reviewer things and expert titles and whatever else they've called it.
As far as SAHM's thinking we are GOD because a child looks to us for love and guidance, you are sadly mistaken. Mother's, working or not, do their best to raise their children with love, values, morals and respect.
This doesn't really address anything I said, now does it?
Obviously something you never learned at home or in college. I suggest you go to the library and do some research.
Hey, one of those two was a sentence fragment.
And as far as your comment stating "What do you know?" I can only say from reading your comment a big fat "NOTHING"!
C'mon, maggsmom, go easy on yourself. I don't think you're a big fat nothing, and I don't really know you that well either. HA! God, sometimes I kill myself.
Good day to you and I hope SOME God brings you enlightenment soon.
Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention that too many SAHM's talk about God too. But, you already knew that.
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Jul 05 '02
5:43 pm PDT
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Re: Re: I think you've constructed ... (Reply to this comment)
by Mr.Eyore
I'm sorry for whatever apparent ambiguity there was in my post, sweetsue, that led you to believe I think stay at home mother is not a worthwhile "job." I'm well aware that there are few if any ways that one could benefit their child more than staying at home and raising them, if that is an option. And I don't think anything in my post really said otherwise.
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Jul 05 '02
5:23 pm PDT
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Another Comment: (Reply to this comment)
by maggsmomm
This is about your well written editorial.
I left my career to do something that had never been done for me. Stay at home and raise my child. I was a "latch-key kid".
It was not an easy decision. Especially since I only planned on taking a few years off to be with my child during her "formative" years.
The stereo types you speak of, are very unjust but are obviously there.
After my divorce, I wanted to return to work only to be met with: "You have had no work experience in 3 years." To which I had to interject, "I have had more experience WORKING at home than I had while working a 60 hour week in this field."
How so?...Everything you described and more. It was the hardest career change I have ever made.
Rearing my child IS the most rewarding experience I will EVER have. Work can wait. Children grow up too fast to have the thought that you can catch up later. Time doesn't stand still.
There is no greater gift in the world than to watch your child take their first steps, say their first word, look at you as though you are the center of their universe. And then to take those feelings and realize you are making a difference in someone's life, a life you help shape, there isn't any JOB more important than that.
Maybe if more people felt that way, than there would be less problems with children in this day and age. Sadly, SAHMs are few and far between.
Hats off to you MT for making the financial sacrifices to do what is right for your children. I know how hard it is to budget, make ends meet, so you can do what is in the best interest for someone else. But what you get in return cannot be bought with money.
And that is worth more than the US mint.
Betcha bottom dollar I would trade in my heels and suit any day to spend it chasing my 2 year old around the house 24/7, 365 days a year, in a New York minute!
Excellent Editorial.
(((Luvs)))
Jana
MM
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Jul 05 '02
9:00 am PDT
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Re: I think you've constructed ... (Reply to this comment)
by maggsmomm
What was your point about SAHM's being on the writing level of a college freshman?
I think you need to evaluate your GRAMMATICAL errors and use of sentence structure before you "attack" someone who was chosen by EPINIONS as a CL.
As far as SAHM's thinking we are GOD because a child looks to us for love and guidance, you are sadly mistaken. Mother's, working or not, do their best to raise their children with love, values, morals and respect.
Obviously something you never learned at home or in college. I suggest you go to the library and do some research.
And as far as your comment stating "What do you know?" I can only say from reading your comment a big fat "NOTHING"!
Good day to you and I hope SOME God brings you enlightenment soon.
Jana
Mother to Maggie
WAHM & SAHM.
:0(
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Jul 05 '02
7:55 am PDT
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Excellent job MT! (Reply to this comment)
by Suzer
Trends change. When I was brought up in the 50's most women stayed home with the children, and the fathers worked. At that time I recall women were sometimes criticised for not getting an education and working, so more women pursued their education and careers. They were criticized for that.
It is challenging working and coming home to children exhausted, and continuing mothering and caring for the household.
Women who elect to stay home with their children frequently are well educated, and put aside lucrative, flourishing careers to be home with their kids, yet they are accused of being dull, stupid and tunnel visioned.
Can't people just be respected and accepted for what they do? Who is anyone else to judge? Rhetorical question.
Suz
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Jul 04 '02
8:48 pm PDT
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Re: I think you've constructed ... (Reply to this comment)
by sweetsue_98
Let me say from personal experience, I was a stay at home mom and raised four great children. I cannot say that there is a more important job than staying at home and running a family.
I am hardly dull, have traveled the world, and am happy that I could afford to stay with my children and raise them myself, and not leave them at the day care center. Too many people think they have to have everything now, and will sacrifice their children for the newest car or a bigger home!
Sorry you feel that this is not a worthwhile job. The pay is great and the satisfaction is even more so. Merriem
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Jul 04 '02
6:51 am PDT
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I think you've constructed ... (Reply to this comment)
by Mr.Eyore
a bunch of straw men here, and it's not hard to see why you so easily tore them down. But you miss a whole mess of reasons why SAHMs are attacked, particularly here at epinions. Let me say, first, congratulations on your ability to make the choice to stay at home with your child, and I have no doubt that you are a wonderful mother and your kid will benefit greatly from these years that you can give your undivided attention.
That said, there are some general rules that, sorry, seem to apply to SAHM's here more than any other discernible group:
They are -- oh, my, god -- boring beyond comprehension. They tend to have the overblown, verbose, writing style of college freshmen, and will ramble ad nauseum about the lamest things. And this isn't really surprising. You spend your day with a 3 year old who hangs on your every word, you're bound to start thinking your every word is golden. Playing god all day with the little'uns leads too many SAHMs to believe that god is their natural role, so they come here to epinions and start telling everyone else how things should be done. More they most people, they are often wrong, but they are much more shocked than most to here they are wrong, because, well, the little'un never says such things.
Personally, the most bothersome thing about SAHMs on epinions is the unbelieveable frequency with which they resort to the most banal cliches and saccharine sentiments every time they "open their mouths" in a new epinion.
So, I don't really think anyone with half a brain really thinks that SAHMs are stupid, uneducated, rich, on welfare or anti-feminist. I think most people around these parts merely think that SAHMs are boring, self-important morality police who need to get a thicker skin, a copy of The Elements of Style, and a little more real life interaction with adults.
But then, what do I know.
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Jul 03 '02
12:57 pm PDT
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I really have never (Reply to this comment)
by jo.com
understood the issue. Some moms work outside the house (and have help-cleaning, child care,) and can come home and relax; others don't have that luxury and are running from work to the grocery store to cooking and various activities. I've done both - both as a married, then single, then married again mom. Most of the time I worked, though, but not always. I don't know why women have to feel that there is some competition or they need to be jealous of any choice a mom makes. I do know, though, that my kids like to tell their friends what my occupation is (or was) outside the home. But maybe if I were a bank teller, or cashier, it wouldn't have held the same kind of interest to them. In any case - whatever works! jo
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Mar 08 '02
8:59 am PST
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Hats off and proud of you (Reply to this comment)
by susidee34
Being both a SAHM and NONSAHM in my days, I am more than aware of the daily toll taken on the mind and body of stay-at-homes and I respect and admire anyone that does it.
Being a sterotype is a thankless job, but there is something about that sticky fingered, sleepy eyed soul that says they love you that can make all those narrow minded and thoughtless people seem like so much dirt under the rug.
Too much time is taken from our children rather than given to them and anyone that mends that time gap is by far the professional in my book.
You are to be championed, not belittled. It is a tiresome, thankless, never ending job and I salute you heartily!
Susi
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Mar 08 '02
6:49 am PST
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VERY WELL SAID MT! (Reply to this comment)
by shantel575
I agree with you, I am so tired of being called "uneducated" and stereotyped because I am a full time mother!
I think we have one of the hardest yet most rewarding jobs in the world! :)
Enjoyed your perspective on this issue,
Shantel :)
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Mar 07 '02
9:38 pm PST
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Oooh! (Reply to this comment)
by Chalathra
Girl,
You don't know what you are missing on Days!!! LoL! (=
Excellent review! SAHMs ROCK!
(=
*chalathra*
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Mar 07 '02
8:28 pm PST
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Nicely put! (Reply to this comment)
by pipet
I think that raising a child is hard work & should be respected. One of my friends is a SAHM & she certainly doesn't fit into a SAHM stereotype - she's educated, liberal, & moderately well-off.
I think some of the SAHM backlash is b/c a few SAHMs out there criticize the working moms of the world. Of course, that's only the actions of a few, not the majority. It seems the nature of humankind is to judge others based upon inaccurate stereotypes.
pipet
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Mar 07 '02
12:20 pm PST
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Sing it, Sister! (Reply to this comment)
by mind-full
I've been a "SAHM" for 3 1/2 years and counting . . .
I'd never wanted anything else -- I'm a teacher (in mind and spirit, but not in occupation!), and really wanted that part of my life, but it always took a back seat to my real calling: motherhood.
How many of you SAHMs have heard this one:
Have you gone back to work? OR, it's equally obnoxious cousin, "When are you going back to work?"
In case those people haven't noticed, we ARE at work, and we're at it 365 days a year, 7 days a week, 24 hours a day, 60 minutes per hour, 60 seconds per minute. Our "boss(es)" never go on vacation and never take a coffee break. We can't leave our work at the office because we have home offices and there is no call waiting, forwarding or voice mail.
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Mar 07 '02
5:43 am PST
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Thank you very much (Reply to this comment)
by Lark729_89
for sharing your feelings on motherhood with us. If I had to do it all over again, the scrimping and saving, I would be home for my children to watch them grow. My friend says she would do it all over again too, pursuing her career so her family wouldn't have to do without. Either way, both sets of children grew up well.
Carol
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Mar 06 '02
8:27 pm PST
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This was a .... (Reply to this comment)
by kamel622
...wonderful review...and right on the money!! I've been on both sides of the fence. I stayed home for fourteen years...they were wonderful years, and I am truly grateful that I got to spend that time with my kids. Finances forced me back into the workforce...but I was still first and formost a Mom. I think that was my 'calling' and my most valuable work.
To me the saddest thing, is when one woman says something against another woman's choices. No matter which way we do it, we are all women who need to support one another! You did a great job of stating your choices, and not putting down someone else for their choice. Hopefully someday all women will remember to raise each other up, rather than tearing down someone elses life.
I feel blessed now that mine are all grown, to be a day care provider for women who chose/must work. I try to provide a warm loving environment to others children, and get to enjoy the little one's all over again.
I want to Thank You for adding me to your WOT...I feel honored.
Keep up the great writing...kath
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Mar 06 '02
4:42 pm PST
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I can relate... (Reply to this comment)
by tritter72
I never planned on being a SAHM either...and just like you, I would have been shocked just a few years ago if you had told me that I would be one. Something happened" for me too, and it's the right decision for me, right now. I echo your statement, though, that being at home isn't right for everyone. I respect every woman's right to make that choice for herself. I hope to be given that respect in return.
Tammi
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Mar 06 '02
1:19 pm PST
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My only problem with your essay ... (Reply to this comment)
by theeye
is that it was necessary to write it at all.
There are lots of different ways to be wonderful parents, interesting people, happy and fulfilled. When we all learn to judge people by their own individual qualities and not by some absurd stereotype, the world will be a much more congenial place.
I'm not a SAHM, but I've never been under the misapprehension that SAHM's as a class are any more or less interesting or educated or dedicated to their families than mothers who work outside the home. Alas, there are many people who do judge both SAHM's and non-SAHM's unfairly; they're missing the boat, as far as I'm concerned.
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Mar 06 '02
12:47 pm PST
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You go Girl! (Reply to this comment)
by ariel10575
Thank you for speaking your mind, and trying to help get over the myths of SAHMs. I especially applaud you, as a well respected member of the community, to voice your opinion, and hopefully reach people that have bashed us in the past. We are not uneducated. SAHM's are anything from astronauts to doctors to artists to students. We've made a choice to spend the most important days of our children's life with them, and giving them love. It is hard, it is tough on the family finances, but the rewards we reap are priceless. Thank you, MaryTara!
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Mar 06 '02
12:15 pm PST
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Re: ... (Reply to this comment)
by marytara,  in Kids & Family
Lacy,
Thank you for your comment and rating.
I am sure there are some SAHM's who fit the stereotype/misconceptions in some way. I was writing from my experience.
As far as submitting it, I saw that too but I clicked the link and it worked. Guess its one of the many bugs on the site.
MaryTara
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Mar 06 '02
12:12 pm PST
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