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10 Choice Words From My Mother - A Word to Your Mother Write OffMay 05 '02 Write an essay on this topic.
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The Bottom Line One of the ways we pass on our morals is by the things we say. Here's some of what my mother had to say to me.
The conventional wisdom says that children learn from what we do rather than what we say. However, we introduce morals not only by action, but also by word. My mother has always had something to say about every situation in life. She's full of good advice for her daughters. Mom is the queen of pithy little sayings. I didn't appreciate that this was in any way, shape or form unusual until I moved out and would sometimes quote my mother to friends. The general response was, "You know, I'd really like to meet your mother." So here, for your review, are some of my mom's sayings about the way I am supposed to live my life. 1) My favorite mommy saying: Do what you think is right and don't be afraid to offend people. If you always do what you think is right, you're bound to offend someone along the way. Mom was sure right on that count. I have never in my life had reason to regret doing what I believed was right. I've often had reason to regret going along with the crowd. Have I sometimes offended people along the way. You bet. The Jewish Student Union was not very happy with my encouraging my university to allow the neo-Nazis to have access to the free speech area on campus. Clearly, they were not a group I agreed with, but people must be able to speak. When they did speak, by the way, I was out there in the crowd - not picketing and not heckling. I was out there having done my research answering their accusations as intelligently as I could. I offended a lot of people that couple of weeks. I actually made some new friends along the way, however. Among them were people who disagreed with what I did, but admired my stand. 2) Any occasion for a celebration. Mom took this seriously. Every birthday was an occasion for a party. Sometimes, it was a real party with balloons and streamers. Sometimes it was just coffee and cake with the neighbors. Actually, every birthday warranted two cakes in our house. The first cake was a simple, usually undecorated or minimally decorated affair. Sometimes it was a loaf of banana bread; sometimes it was a bundt cake. It was basically something to stick a few candles in in the morning. If no "real party" was planned for later, you might get gifts then. Otherwise, you'd get them at the real party. This cake was sliced in the morning. When the "real party" came up, or when the neighbors came over is when the "real cake" came out. The "real cake" was decorated when we were children, but as we got to be adults it was simply whatever our favorite cake was. My favorite cake was my mother's mocha mousse - which isn't a cake at all. Other occasions that warranted a cake, gift, card, or other celebration include(d) anniversaries, Wednesday, Jewish religious holidays, Thursday, national holidays, Valentine's day, Friday, St. Patrick's day, National Pickle week, blue moons, harvest moons, weekends, Cinco de Mayo, Monday, Bastille Day, Tuesday, Sunday, Saturday, a clean bill of health from a doctor, no cavities, the first fruits on the trees in the backyard...and the list goes on. Because there was always a cause for celebration, we were always on the look out for good things in life. Mom's celebrations didn't always involve cake (though often they did.) For national pickle week, I remember mom had found toy purses shaped like pickles. Sometimes mom just put up little handmade signs on the fridge announcing what special day it was. I learned from my mom that if I look for the good stuff, I can almost always find it. 3) Don't interrupt me when I'm talking on the phone, unless you're bleeding on the carpet. This sounds like a terrible saying, but as an adult I appreciate it. I could always get my mother's attention when she was talking, but I was not to interrupt. Now that I'm an adult, when I'm talking on the phone, it's my time with that person. The other people around me don't know what is happening on the other end. Sometimes it's really necessary to be able to give full attention to that person on the other end of the line. Of course, if there is an emergency I can interrupt. Once I'm off the phone, the other people around me at home will have my full attention. I may not even pick up the phone if we're having an important conversation. Mom didn't let the phone interrupt our important conversations either. 4) It's easier to do it right than to do it over. Whatever job we took on, we were expected to complete to the best of our ability. If we didn't do it right, we'd just have to do it again anyway. Much easier to not cut corners and to get it right. 5) Let people tell the punchline to their own jokes, even if you know it. We were a joke-telling family and all of us have large repetoires of jokes. Often, people would start to tell a joke that we knew. Mom never let us interrupt someone once we knew what the joke was. We were to listen and to laugh politely without ever saying "oh, Dad tells it like this." As mom pointed out, it feels good to get the laugh. Also, sometimes people tell the joke differently or have a different punchline. You have to share the spotlight. 6) Stop worrying about the glass being half empty or half full. Start worrying about what's in the glass. That one, to me, is pretty self explanatory. Better a job that pays $30,000 a year that I love than a job that pays $80,000 a year that I hate. 7)Treat everyone respectfully. Mom never said I had to respect everyone, but I had to treat everyone respectfully. Especially important in her estimation was to treat children and the elderly respectfully. These two groups often get treated as if their opinions, wants and desires are worth less. It's amazing, however, what a child can tell you if treated respectfully. It's amazing if you listen to children's views what good things they have to say. The elderly, even more so, are worthy of being treated respectfully. Some are no longer able to look after themselves, it is true. However, the one thing they are entitled to is their dignity. Treating someone respectfully allows them to keep their dignity. 8) Talk to strangers. It goes against the common wisdom, but mom encouraged us to talk to strangers. When we were six or seven years old, she used to send us up to people while she watched and have us get instructions to a particular store. She would give us money and have us pay the cashier at the store and get change back. After we had contact, she would debrief us. Strangers did not necessarily mean danger and mom knew that. Mom also pointed out that the "never talk to strangers" advice that people give is one that people undermine constantly. Parents say, "never talk to strangers" then tell their toddlers to "say 'hi'" to the lady who waves at them on the bus. Children see us constantly interacting with strangers. The ideal is not to "never talk to strangers" but to learn who to talk to. We were told never to go anywhere with strangers. That was another issue. We were promised that in an emergency where our parents couldn't pick us up, they would send someone we knew to pick us up. They would never send a stranger to get us. Asking mom about it later, she explained that she didn't want us to be fearful if we needed to get help to seek it out. She knew that the best person to get help from - a police officer - was not always around. Sometimes, like Blanche Dubois, we all must rely on the kindness of strangers. She didn't want to add to our stress if we had an emergency. By the way, we were also told that if we couldn't find a police officer, we should find another mommy if we could. This turns out to be good advice according to some social workers. A woman is less likely to be a sexual predator. Also, a woman is more likely to stay involved until things are resolved according to the professionals in childcare. 9) Copy all the lines from the pattern to the fabric before you start to sew. My mom is an incredible seamstress. She was often offered a job by the local tailoring shop when she brought in the suits she made for my dad to have them do the buttonholes by hand (a task she hated.) What's her secret? She would copy all the lines from every pattern piece to every piece of fabric with chalk or tracing paper. Someone else had already invented the right way to do things. Following the instructions gave the best results. Mom also read all the instructions before she started a recipe to make sure she had all the ingredients on hand. Mom always contended that 90% of her success was that she followed instructions. The other 10% came from knowing when she could deviate from the instructions. 10) Finally If you're being pressured to do something you don't think is right and that you don't want to do, use me as an excuse. Tell them "My mommy wouldn't like it if I did that." At the age of eight, this was often a legitimate excuse. It was not one that often got challenged. As I've gotten older, the truth of the statement "My mommy wouldn't like it if I did that" has never changed, but the result when I use it has. At 38, there is no better response to any high pressure salesman or encouragement of questionable activity than to say "My mommy wouldn't like it if I did that." This is an arguement that brooks no objection. No one can question the truth of the statement. It has been known to leave telemarketers speechless. That is the one response that they are not scripted to respond to. My mother, happily, is still part of my life. She still dispenses her advice with her pithy sayings. All my friends who have met her agree that she's an original. In mom's tradition, I'm using this epinion to celebrate my mom - and the wisdom of mom's all over. A Happy Mother's Day to all those who pass their wisdom on to the next generation. talia This epinion is part of the Word to Your Mother Write off sponsored by LatteChick and Divad23. It is part of a drive to raise money and awareness of The June Foundation for Prenatal Maternal Health. You can find more information about the June Foundation at: http://www.junefoundation.org. The following writers will be participating in the write off which continues from May 5th through May 12th: Participant List: Divad23 (co-host) centavo EZ013182 artbyjude Naphtalia LatteChick (co-host) Shadow_Dream BadKittyM Officer Pogomom cletta1201 aerocat FlamePillar LamboLucifer If you are reading this before May 12, there is still time to join in the Write Off. The main write off page is: http://www.geocities.com/willwork4latte/writeoff  |
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