Kiwi speak ~" how to talk like a local " write off
May 20 '02 (Updated Jan 22 '03)
The Bottom Line Shock, horror ... there was no Travellers Glossary category for New Zealand. Call me a rebel if you will but I am publishing my contribution in General Itineraries.
Kiwi's
New Zealanders are known world wide as kiwi's.
I must stress that the name comes from our native bird ... not the kiwifruit.
The kiwi is a flightless bird with a huge beak; it is nocturnal and secretive, feeds on grubs and insects and is not a very common sight. In fact, I have never actually seen a kiwi in the wild.
Some people take offence at being called after such a creature. Some say the bird is timid, can't fly, is doomed to extinction and has bad eyesight but hey, I prefer to think of the kiwi as unique, rare and special.
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When visiting New Zealand the one thing that I think you might have trouble with is the accent. We tend to speak very fast and run all our words together. If I were to ask you if you needed help, it might sound something like this -Doyaneeahand? (do you need a hand)
That’s simple isn’t folks !
Once you get your ear-in you should b'rite unless we get excitable, then you wont have a hope'n hell of understanding us.
A typical encounter would go something like this.....
Q. wear' you frum?
A. Pardon?
Q. weeaar yoouu fruuuum ( said slightly louder this time around)
A. Oh, chuckle,chuckle. I come from ----- ( fill in the blanks)
Q. R ya aven a gud time ?
A. Pardon?
Q. R ya injoyen yoursilf in New Zilon?
A. Yeah, I’m having a great time.
Q. Glad t’hear it. Guluck with the res of y’trup.
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I have seen the following gem on various websites over the years and I hate to admit it but yes, we do sound like this.
KIWI TRANSLATION
Have you spent years trying and failing to understand what New Zealanders are saying? Just by following these easy steps you too can hold a conversation with a New Zealander. What you hear and what it really means:
BETTING: "Betting Gloves" are worn by betsmen in crucket.
BRIST: Part of the human anatomy between the "nick" and the "billy".
BUGGER: As in "mine is bugger than yours".
CHULLY BUN: Chilly Bin, also known as an Esky.
DIMMER KRETZ: Those who believe in democracy.
ERROR BUCK: Language spoken in countries like "Surria", "E-Jupp" and "Libernon".
EKKA DYMOCKS: University staff.
GUESS: Flammable vapour used in stoves.
SENDLES: Thongs, open shoes.
COLOUR: Terminator, murderer
CUSS: Kiss.
DUNNESTY: US soap opera starred Joan Collins as Elixirs Kerrungton.
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Is this really how the rest of the world hears us?
I know that New Zealanders have a distinctive accent, our Aussie cousins like to poke fun at us about the way we speak ~ of course it’s never occurred to them that they are the ones with the accent!
Q: Why don’t New Zealanders use vowels?
A: They haven’t got any, the Aussies stole them.
This makes sense to me, have you ever heard a Kiwi and an Aussie speak?
Take a few examples…
SYDNEY - An aussie says Seednee - a kiwi says Sudnuy.
FISH & CHIPS -An aussie says feesh & cheeps, a kiwi says fush & chups
SIX - An aussie says seeks, a kiwi says sucks.
Hells bells, even Neil Finn, the New Zealand member of Crowded House has called his latest album nil fun in honour of kiwi-speak.
A few more kiwi-isms ~ due to censorship I cannot write certain words so a star represents the letter i.
Peck ~ pack
P*ssed aside ~ pesticide
Mckennok ~ mechanic
Ear ~ air
Ear rowbucks ~ aerobics.
Here is a glossary of words that you might find helpful when visiting us.
CAR:
Rental ~ hire car
Boot ~ trunk
Bonnet ~ hood
Petrol ~ gasoline
Caravan ~ trailer home.
Camper van ~ mobile home, RV.
Spare ~ spare tyre
Bumper ~ fender
Ute ~ pick-up
Prang ~ crash, car accident
Motorcamp ~ campground
SHOPPING:
Chemist ~ drug store, pharmacy
Capsicum ~ green pepper
Courgette ~ zucchini
Lollies ~ candy
Dairy ~ corner store, convenience store.
Shop ~ corner store, convenience store.
Kai cart ~ mobile food stall
Chips ~ fries, potato chips
Take aways ~ take out, food to go.
Greasies ~ fish & chips
Dear ~ expensive
Gumboots, gummies ~ rubber boots, Wellingtons, wellies
Flannel ~ wash cloth
Shout ~ pay for someone else.
Lift ~ elevator
Ground Floor ~ first floor
OUT & ABOUT:
Big Smoke ~ city
Townie ~ someone who lives in the big smoke
Cockie ~ farmer
Footpath ~ pavement, sidewalk
Flat ~ apartment
Loo, dunny, bog ~ toilet
Pub ~ bar, hotel
P*ssed ~ drunk
P*ss off ~ leave
P*ssed off ~ angry
P*ss around ~ waste time
P*ss up ~ party with lots of drinking
P*sshead ~ someone who drinks too much, often seen at p*ss-ups.
Take the p*ss ~ make fun of.
Bugger ~ damn
Buggered ~ exhausted, tired
Bugger all ~ not much
Bugger off ~ leave , go away , p*ss off.
Buggered if I know ~ dont know, wouldn't have a clue.
Bugger it ~ damn
Puckeroo ~ broken, buggered
Rooted ~ broken ,buggered.
Now that you can speak like a local you’ll have no wurries, she’ll be right and Bobs your uncle.
Enjoy your visit to the greatest little country in the world.
Cheers, G'bye, see ya, hooray , Good on ya.
Be sure to check out these reviews on how to speak like a local.
Alena, copernicus, Darkmistress, fyvel, joecooper, megugrrrl, nscanuck, eskimo101, paulyoungotti
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