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The Funniest, Silliest and Most Cleverly Titled B Horror FilmsMay 09 '02 Write an essay on this topic.The Bottom Line Funny titles. Stupid titles. Ridiculous titles. Silly titles. Horror movies have them all, and then some. Find out which titles actually fit the movies. The thing that I have always loved about horror movies, particularly B movies, is that they are usually unabashedly bad to the point where the producers do not care how cheesy, stupid, ridiculous, or pointless the title is. Indeed, some of the best titles ever to come out of Hollywood (or the backyard Hollywoods from which people distribute most of these movies) are the products of really bad horror movies. Often, the funny or strange title is about the only thing the movie has going for it; few B movies actually wind up being decent films, even by horror standards. The following is a list of the 30 best titles in B-rated horror. Some are groaners, some are bizarre, some are completely ridiculous, some seem to make no sense, but they will all catch your eye at the video store. The real question, therefore, is: are the movies anywhere near as good as the titles? After all, who wouldn’t be interested in seeing a movie called Barely Legal Lesbian Vampires? Ok, that was a question for the gentlemen. But read on, and I’ll go through some of these titles and tell you which ones live up to their names and which ones are just plain bad. Because I have listed no less than 30 titles, the reviews here are very brief. And, I have not seen all of these movies, so I’m only reviewing the ones with which I have personal experience (16 total out of 30). So, I will present the 16 movies I have seen in order, worst to best and list all of the others at the end for your personal amusement. Here are the 30 funniest, most clever, silliest, or most ridiculous titles in horror: 16) Orgy of the Dead A writer and his girlfriend drive to a cemetery to find inspiration for his latest novel. They get in a car accident and are captured by two men in very bad wolfman and mummy get-ups. Then, the lord of the night (something like that) comes out and forces them to watch topless dancers for about an hour. Sure, an hour of topless dancing sounds great. But trust me, it’s not. The back cover says they got all the dancers from a local stripjoint. I’m guessing they were all greatly hindered without having a pole to dance around, because they perform the silliest, most un-erotic dancing I have ever seen. That’s basically the whole movie. Several topless women dancing very badly. Avoid this at all costs. Really. Even for you 14 year-old males looking for some nudie movies, find something else. 15) The Killer Eye A scientist’s experiment to see into another dimension goes awry, and one of his test subjects is killed. His eye is then possessed by a creature, becomes significantly larger, and grows tentacles. It then searches for good-looking women to feed off of their sexual energy. There is quite a bit of nudity in this one, and some nasty scenes where a girl gets felt up by the tentacle of a giant, disembodied eye. Good god, this is a terrible movie. Save your money. 14) Bloodsucking Freaks This is a cult “classic” about a sadomasochist performer named Sardu who, along with his midget assistant, kidnap women and force them to perform in his twisted theater shows. The audience thinks it is all good fun, but it is all real. Some people claim this movie is great humor, but I’ll be damned if I can find any humor in it. Aside from all the naked women, there is not much to recommend here. Skip it. 13) I Dismembered Mama The title of this movie is that of a potentially hilarious comedy-slasher film. The movie itself can barely be classified as horror. A psycho kills a little girl’s mother because she is not a virgin, and then befriends the girl. Then, for about half the movie, we see the two of them bond at an amusement park until he ditches her for an older woman who, like the little girl’s mother (duh), is not a virgin. This sets off all kinds of… ahhh who cares. This movie is terribly dull and not worth seeing. Thankfully, it is almost impossible to find. But on the off-chance that your video store has it, don’t rent it. 12) The Killer Condom Yep, that’s right, there is a movie about a homicidal prophylactic. I saw this movie sitting by itself in the New Releases section for about 5 months before I actually got the courage to rent it. I just assumed it was some kind of soft-core porn. Boy was I wrong. An openly gay New York police detective goes to investigate a case about a girl who allegedly bit off the penis of a man. His investigation takes him to a brothel, where he decides to take a “break” with a male prostitute. The killer condom bites off one of his testicles, and he vows revenge. This is another cult movie that I couldn’t really get into. Though it is supposed to be a comedy (obviously), most of the humor is a little too sick and the satire too in-your-face to really work for me. I’ve never been a big fan of Troma, so that is probably why I didn’t like this one. However, if you like Troma-style humor, you’ll probably like this. Otherwise, leave it alone. 11) Chopper Chicks in Zombie Town I had such high hopes for Chopper Chicks. A group of female social outcasts, clad in leather, roams around the country and eventually end up in Zombietown (the town had a real name, but I forgot) where an evil mad scientist is turning the local population into his zombies. This film tries to be campy and funny, but the acting is so bad and the jokes and horror both so dull that I really wanted to shut this thing off halfway through. Too bad, because I love the title. 10) Redneck Zombies Troma shot-on-video release has a town full of mullet-headed rednecks turned into zombies after drinking alcohol made from toxic waste. A group of city-slicker hikers comes to town and all kinds of mayhem ensues. Full of sight gags and toilet humor, most of which falls flat. There are a few funny moments, but ultimately this movie is a drag. 9) The Killer Shrews LOOK OUT! LOOK OUT! IT’S A… IT’S A… shrew? Oh no. Please, save me from the horrible shrew. We’re all gonna die. Okay, in all fairness the shrews are giant (well, the size of dogs… but hey, that’s big for a shrew!) and poisonous. This silly concept sounds like a lot of fun, and it is at times. However, the movie spends a little too much time trying to explain why the shrews are giant and poisonous. Still, it is generally fun to MST3K, and at 69 minutes, is short enough that it does not get stale. Just wait till you see the dogs in throw rugs. Watch it with a group of friends who have a good sense of humor and a lot of beer. 8) The Killer Tongue A woman is hiding out in the desert with her four poodles when a meteorite crashes nearby. Her soup is infected by whatever the meteorite is carrying, and she turns into an alien with a giant, talking tongue that likes to eat people. Her dogs get into the soup and turn into four transvestites (I just write the reviews baby, I don’t make the movies). Robert Englund of Nightmare on Elm St. fame also makes an appearance as a sadistic jail warden who is in charge of tongue-woman’s boyfriend. A very screwy movie with enough laughs and odd-goings-ons to be an intriguing watch. Doesn’t take itself very seriously, which is always a good sign. 7) Frankenhooker An amateur scientist’s fiancée is killed in a freak lawnmower accident. Overcome by grief, he invites hookers to his house and feeds them “super crack,” his own invention, which makes them explode. He then collects the body parts and rebuilds his fiancée. However, because of her new components, his fiancée is unable to resist the urge to roam the streets like a hooker, much to his dismay. This movie has enough nudity, blood, exploding hookers and funny lines to be entertaining, despite a couple of slow spots. I would not recommend it for the faint-of-heart, as the humor is pretty twisted. It worked pretty well for me though. 6) Cannibal! The Musical The title says it all. This low-budgeter was made by Trey Parker and Matt Stone, creators of South Park, while in college. Based on the real story of Alfred Packer, Cannibal! The Musical tells the tale of a group of miners who go to Colorado and come upon unfortunate circumstances: namely, at the very beginning of the movie, they are murdered, in a very gory scene, by Packer, who proceeds to eat their bodies. The film is told through the perspective of Packer, who claims he had no other choice. Obviously, the plot is mostly done as a joke, so the history behind it really doesn’t matter that much. This movie is obviously extremely low budget, but is still pretty funny. The songs are especially catchy, though not all of them work. Gets a little old after a while, but still worth watching. Kind of a prelude to what Parker and Stone would do in the South Park movie. 5) Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers A Private eye is on the case of a runaway girl when he runs into a cult of prostitutes who cut up men with chainsaws as a sacrifice to Anubis. At only 75 minutes, this movie is short enough that it really does not get old. It is packed full of blood, dancing women, cheesy one-liners and, of course, chainsaws! Though this is another “cult” movie, I personally found it to be a pretty hilarious spoof of both horror and detective movies. Might be a little heavy for the average viewer, but if you can put up with the gore, this is a lot of fun to watch. 4) Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama Another late 80’s horror spoof has a group of sorority pledges, along with a couple of men they found spying on them, breaking into a bowling alley to steal a trophy. However, one of them accidentally breaks the trophy which releases an imp (ummm… do imps generally live in bowling trophies? Nevermind, I shouldn’t have asked anyway). The imp offers to grant each person a wish, but turns them into zombies after doing so. The remaining people have to fight for their survival as their former friends hunt them down. Good acting? No. Good script? No. Good effects? Of course not. Naked sorority girls? Yep. Hilariously bad effects? Yep. Ridiculous plot? Uh huh. If you can’t tell by the title, this is not exactly a high-class movie, but it is pretty damn funny in a cheesy sort of way. Definitely a guy movie though. 3) Children Shouldn’t Play with Dead Things An egotistic theater director takes his group of bellbottom-clad actors to a spooky island with an old graveyard. There, he proceeds to carry out a ceremony, involving an actual corpse, which is designed to raise the dead. Though he does this as a prank, the dead really do rise, and the group is quickly besieged in a small cottage by bloodthirsty zombies. If you want to see a group of annoying hippies in hilariously bad 70’s clothing getting chewed on by the living dead, this is your movie! Very entertaining and campy B horror. 2) Girlfriend From Hell Maggie, a shy teenager, is possessed by the devil at a birthday party. Suddenly, she transforms into a sex machine and begins taking boys up to her room for a little fun. Unfortunately, the boys can’t quite keep up with her new libido and quickly die. God’s chaser, who is the devil’s boyfriend, shows up and the two begin a lover’s squabble. Throw into the mix a group of commando nuns, killer food, a smite of nudity, a bottomless trench coat and plenty of one-liners, and you’ve got a pretty hilarious movie, especially once it picks up in the second third or so. 1) Killer Klowns from Outer Space If you haven’t figured it out from the title, a bunch of aliens dressed up like clowns arrive on earth and begin killing people in clown-like ways. They put people in cotton candy cocoons, shoot popcorn ray guns, throw acid pies – and yes, they have big floppy shoes and red noses. Indeed, their only weak spot is to shoot them in the nose, which kills them instantly. A couple of teens are the only people who realize something is amiss, and have to convince the typically dimwitted local authorities that alien clowns are running around eating people. Not an envious position at all. Very funny movie, but also manages to be somewhat disturbing. Hey, clowns are scary! The only thing I was really hoping for that this movie didn’t have was a little tiny spaceship for all the clowns to get out of. But, I guess we can’t have everything. This one is actually fairly popular, but if you haven’t seen it, check it out. Plenty of fun for all. Here are the other 14 finely titled B movies that I have not had the pleasure of seeing. Let’s just call them honorable mentions: Porno Holocaust, Barely Legal Lesbian Vampires (No really, I haven’t seen this one. Seriously! Why don’t you believe me?), Nude for Satan, A Night to Dismember, Mulva: Zombie @ss Kicker!, Guts of a Virgin, Killer Tomatoes Eat France (yeah I could have put any of the killer tomato movies on here. But eats France? Come on. That’s just too good to pass up), Linnea Quigley’s Horror Workout, Revenge of the Radioactive Reporter, Sandy Hook Lingerie Party Massacre, Attack of the Puppet People, The Horrible Sexy Vampire, Nudist Colony of the Dead, Nymphoid Barbarian in Dinosaur Hell  |
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by jeff_wilder78
by cripper
by carstairs38
