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Better Than A Bullet In The HeadMay 31 '02 Write an essay on this topic.
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The Bottom Line Mix tapes are for spazzes, I'm a spazz alright.
Inspired by Christoff and his superlative and much better essay on break-up mix tapes, Ribspreaders (pts. 1 & 2), I decided to reevaluate the one I made after my ex doused a "festering wound" with enough sulfuric acid to dissolve the steeliest exterior I could muster. Things got thrown and sh*t got broke. I had made the tape as soon as I was able to concentrate on anything other then the blinding rage of which was like nothing I had known. Well, it has been well over a year and I thought a clear head was in order to even listen to the damn thing again. So, here I am under the guise of some self imposed therapeutic gesture to myself, the weep factor in check, and the first person who calls me emoexile or ericemo gets punched in the face, dig? Side 1: High Llamas-"Checking In/Checking Out" When making this tape I had burned upon my brain both the chilly exterior and tone of voice my ex used explaining her decision and as I remember I was attempting to plot my emotional course on a Maxell XL-II of the whole damn thing. This song has a Steely(Dan) precision, it is breezy and nearly mocking in tone as I listen back to it. I imagine it probably had something to do with my deep-seated desire to keep it together or keep a British stiff upper lip in spite of the murderous thoughts swirling in my brain. Ellie Greenwich-"Goodnight, Goodnight" At the time I was on a heavy Phil Spector kick and I was listening to all those Brill Building writers looking for some more of that Spector magic. This teenage lament is pretty obvious but it still kills me, "Goodnight Goodnight/What's so good about it?" The lyrics may be obvious but the pleading tone of her voice is all yearning heartbreak. You'd think after a breakup you'd want all shiny happy bullsh*t - nope, heap on the pathos heavier than baklava, please. Brenda Halloway-"Every Little Bit Hurts" I'm hereby announcing this "saddest song ever", like an e minor chord, it's been known to make grown men weep. Any sense of control I had been showing previously flies out the window as Brenda's obvious ache and subsequent begging punches through my emotions like a three ring binder's sense of finality and permanence. Big Star-"The Ballad Of El Goodo" Ready...PULL! Uff, the Wedding Song, a true test on the waterworks, failed as I remember. During my wedded bliss days whenever I heard this song, I had always changed the pronoun to plural, "And their ain't no one gonna turn us around." Well, it was back to the singular and she nearly ruined the whole damned record for me. The Flying Burrito Brothers-"Hot Burrito #2" Fuzzed out pedal steel while Gram Parson pleads, "She loved me but that's the way that it goes/And so it goes." I'd been a huge Gram fan for a long time and I had always admired him for his soulful vocals, bold arrangements and original style. I used to find his lyrics corny, not anymore. This just about sums it up with soul, class and style. The Rolling Stones-"Dear Doctor" Although I had always thought Mick sounded a little disingenuous here, I couldn't pass up the opportunity for a little more self-pity to pave the way for some honest-to-goodness self-loathing. "Dear Doctor/I?m Damaged/There?s a hole/Where there once/Was a heart." Usually I had hated it when Mick pretended to be all southern redneck hip, but then, the sentiment seemed to capture the split second moment it takes to go form one song to another when you?re on a serious mix tape roll. Looking back, it sounds pretty hackneyed. Richard Thompson-"Don't Renege On Our Love" I remember distinctly the two records I listened to the most after the fall-out, Shoot Out The Lights and Blood On The Tracks, and I know what you're thinking - God, ericexile is one predictable heartbroken little sorry sad sack. Let me tell ya, Richard and Linda Thompson were brave enough to make an aural document of specifically their marriage disintegrating and it helped. Misery loves company oh so much. Bob Dylan-"Tangled Up In Blue" I know that everyone, who've invested the time, thinks Bob speaks to them, but he does and the believers listen with awe. Perpetually amazed at how he sums up our pitiful little lives with a turn of phrase or an inflection in his voice. The story itself doesn't really matter, in two or three little lines he can hit you hard, "The only thing I knew how to do was keep on keeping on." I'll just stand here and shake my head. Belle and Sebastian-"The Wrong Girl" They embody the hopeless romantic in me like nothing since prime-era Smiths. I know it sounds juvenile but I need a true love. Nice string section in this one. Elliot Smith-"Angeles" Any self-respecting indie-rock kid should include a wimpy, woe-as-me Elliot Smith track on their break-up mix tape. He's a lot of things to a lot cardigan wearing college boys and girls, so I guess I am one, because here it is. I really wished it hadn't been used in that crappy Matt Damon movie. Jayhawks-"Blue" Before listening to this tape for this already long-winded essay, I heard this in the grocery store, Muzak style. That was about three months ago, whistling happy while perusing the vegetables, thoughts of my marriage came rushing back into my head - even though I'm happily involved at the moment. All because of this mix-tape, maybe it wasn't such a good idea to make this thing. Gram Parsons and Emmylou Harris-"Love Hurts" I've heard people describe this record as maudlin, to me it's like a zen Buddhist sitting atop mountain meditating and it totally put me at peace. It transcends my small world and I love it for that. Side 1 of this tape was meant to be bitter and wallowing, because on side 2 I planned to turn the corner. And to further rip off a much better writer, I'll be doing this in two installments. Stay tuned for some "pick me up off the mat" type tunes in the next few weeks.  |
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