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Short Story, Written by Dash....Jun 12 '02 Write an essay on this topic.The Bottom Line I have no idea what I'm supposed to be saying here. The short story has some good ideas, but really bad delivery. Writer's corner is nice. I wrote this story when I was 14, and there are many clues as to how anyone would know that. The dialog is horrible. There is barely any conflict. There is an interesting story, but not enough options were explored. In other words, it's very predictable. I wrote this for a creative writing class at my high school, and I just want to know what you all think. Don't laugh at me please, I know it's horrible, I just want to know your perspective. It's titled, "Change of Pace." Enjoy. And oh yea, sorry about the format, when you take something from Microsoft Word, none of the indents and paragraph breaks stay. Hopefully you can understand the story though. His hair was spiked, jet-black, with a diamond stud earring in his left ear. He was dangerously thin and didn’t look like he had any direction. As he jogged, he did it as if no one mattered, not paying attention to any single stranger. His pants were baggy, and his look was infamous, wearing a skate shirt with a spiked necklace hanging over the logo. This kid was mysterious, mid teens, gaining speed for as long as he needed. What was he escaping? Someone, or something? The answer to his question was soon to be revealed. A man, mid thirties, was quickly gaining on this teen. The man had shaggy blond hair, sunglasses, and an earring above his right eye. Both seemed to be dangerous, somewhat intimidating. The blond haired adult was about to snag the arm of the kid, when all of a sudden, the kid stopped. “What do you want from me?” the kid pleaded. “I want my money, you owe me 1,000 dollars!” the drug dealer, Jim Hindlion, screamed. “I don’t have it man, I swear! I will get it to you I promise, just give me some time,” he insisted. “Time is an element that I don’t have much of, but since you are a good customer, I give you 2 days!” “Okay, okay, I will get you your money man, I will have it in 2 days.” Joey was in trouble and he knew it. He was in debt to a drug dealer. There was no way out. He couldn’t gather that kind of money in 2 days. But, it was either that, or his life would be taken from him. Joey came home that night scared for his life and marched straight up to his room to think. He kept trying to design ways that he could make money. He knew that he could go to the police and rat out Jim. This way he would avoid his debt, but there would be a price on his head. Ratting our Jim was like committing suicide, so he knew he couldn’t. “Joey dear, time for din-din,” said Christine, his mom. “Okay mom, I’ll be down in a minute. I just have to finish this last math problem.” This was a total lie, considering Joey wasn’t doing homework, he was laying on his bed thinking and watching TV. After about 10 more minutes pondering his situation, Joey walked down the stairs, kissed his mom, and hugged his dad. “Good to see you Joe, how was school? Did you have a nice day? And were you okay walking home?” said Bill, his dad. “School was good, I got an A on my math test, and on the walk home I found a 20 dollar bill!” Again, none of that was true, he got an F on his math test, was confronted by his drug dealer, and was robbed of all his money, including a 20-dollar bill. For dinner that night, Christine prepared a nice New York style stake cooked medium rare, with a side of garlic-mashed potatoes. Before the main course a Caesar salad with grilled chicken was served. Joey devoured his food, and was very excited for the banana cream pie that was sure to follow. Joey did not eat the pie as fast as the rest of his food, but he finished it nonetheless. Joey’s parents clearly loved him, and they had no idea that Joey had drug problems. They thought that Joey was a good student, and the reason they never found out that he wasn’t was because he threw out his report cards as soon as they arrived every semester. “May I be excused, I want to get to sleep early tonight. I am kind of tired. Thanks for the dinner mom. It was great.” “Goodnight Joey,” his parents said in unison. After kissing both his parents, Joey returned to his gothic room. Black wallpaper all around, and a black carpet with clothes sprawled all over the place. Joey had lots of posters of music bands, mostly punk rock. He lived a dirty lifestyle, and his room was a perfect example of that. Joey went to bed that night scared, as most people do when they are in drug debt. His parents came up together, gave him an “Oh we are so proud of you” talk, and kissed him goodnight. After lots of tossing and turning, Joey got to sleep at around 1:00pm. “Joey honey, wakey wakey,” Christine said in a cheery tone. “Okay mom, I’m up, let me shower and I’ll be down for breakfast in few minutes.” Joey stumbled all the way to the shower, and then just relaxed. He let the water bounce off his body while he just dazed off into space. He shampooed his hair gracelessly and only washed his underarms with soap. After about 12 minutes of this dazing Joey opened his shower door, dried himself off, and got dressed. Joey tripped over himself all the way to the kitchen, and was astonished to see nothing on the table. “Where’s my breakfast mom?” “Well Joey-Hun, you took so long in the shower that we are going to be late for school. Just grab a muffin and let’s go.” “Okay, fine. You win.” Joey grabbed a blueberry muffin, ran past the open door, and dove into his mom’s Volvo® station wagon. “So, how’d you sleep?” “Not bad mom, hey, do you mind if I sleep on the ride to school?” “No I don’t mind. Is everything okay?” Christine said with alarm. “Yea mom everything’s fine, don’t worry about it.” Of course Joey slept all the way to school because of all the things Joey was thinking about in bed last night. When they arrived at school Joey was waken up by Christine. Joey grabbed his 1 thousand pound backpack and kissed his mom goodbye. Once on school grounds, Joey rushed for the library to complete an assignment for a class that started first period. Joey couldn’t concentrate because his life was in danger, and this caused a rushed and messy homework assignment. Joey put his math binder back into his backpack, and left for his math classroom. When Joey entered the room he didn’t say a word. Although there were 50 kids in his packed classroom, not one of them was friends with Joey, because he had no friends. Now normally, you’d think that with no social life, Joey would have an incredible academic life. But this was not the case, Joey never studied, and when he wasn’t at school he was locked in his room doing drugs. Joey went to drugs as a way to cope with having no friends, and not doing well in school. He never had the slightest idea that drugs would be so addictive and end up chewing away at his life. During math class, Joey didn’t say a word, because he was afraid of being wrong and then laughed at. The rest of the day went like that for Joey and he had no luck coming up with an idea for raising money. He walked home again and was confronted by the same drug dealer, Jim. “WHERE’S MY MONEY JOEY!?” Jim roared. “Man I don’t know I have been trying to think up a way to get it.” “Joey man, I can tell you are a nice kid, but I don’t have the patience for you to come around and wise up!” “I don’t know what to do, please don’t kill me,” Joey pleaded. “I don’t know either, but I am getting pretty furious with you! Take this as a precautionary measure!” Jim pulled out a switchblade and jabbed Joey straight in the guts. Jim cleanly got the knife inside of Joey’s body, he then pulled the blade out, and struck again. Only this time, he swung violently and got Joey in the upper leg. Jim then ran as fast as lightning while Joey grabbed his stomach and dropped to the ground. Joey fainted right there on the spot. It was hours before an ambulance swung by. Joey was put in the back of an ambulance on a stretcher. Christine and Bill were alerted right away, and they were there standing next to his hospital bed when Joey awoke. “Where am I?” “You are at the hospital son,” said Bill. Joey’s mom was towards the back of the room crying like hell because of what happened to Joey. “Oh man, I can’t believe that. I tripped and fell right on some jagged glass shards. It hurt so bad. I guess I just blacked out.” “We’re confused Joey. The police told us that they found footsteps at the seen of the crime and a switchblade with your blood all over it,” said Bill. “What? That never happened.” “Joey we don’t think you are being 100% honest with us right now. You have over 100 stitches in both your stomach and leg. When you are all healed and ready to go, we are going to have a nice long talk,” Bill said. “But why?” “Just rest Joey-honey.” It took a whole three days for Joey too heal, and he still had to keep all his stitches. When Joey arrived out his house, he got out of his dad’s BMW and kissed the doorsteps. “I have never been so happy to be home” “We can only imagine Joey-honey.” The second Joey got into the living room, his parent’s locked the doors to the den and the kitchen. Joey was going to have to talk to his parents about the terror he has been through and it wasn’t going to be easy. Christine and Bill sat down on the couch across from Joey’s Lay-Z-Boy recliner. “Tell us what happened Joey please. We need to know the truth” “It’s not that easy mom and dad, seriously, I can’t tell you, you wouldn’t understand.” “Try us.” “Well, it started in the beginning of the school year when I was lonely. I had no friends, and I was doing in terrible in all my classes-” “Now we know you are lying because you get straight A’s” “That’s not true, I lied to you guys, and I don’t get straight A’s.” “Well then, how come we haven’t seen one F the whole year?” “Because I don’t show my bad grades to you, only the good grades that seldom come up.” “How come we haven’t seen that on any report cards?” “Because I throw away the real ones, the one’s you’ve seen are just cheap phonies that I typed out on my computer.” “We are very disappointed in you Joey, but glad that you came clean. But that doesn’t solve anything. How did you get cut up so badly?” “Oh man, here comes the really bad news…” “What?” “Well mom and dad, I do drugs.” “Oh my god Joey, what would cause you to use such bad judgment?” “Ever since I was at school, I hated my life outside this household, so in order to deal with all my unhappiness I resorted to drugs. I can’t stop though. I did it once, and now I am hooked, and now I owe this drug dealer 1 thousand bucks!” “Why didn’t you say anything earlier Joey, you were always such a good boy. What happened? Why didn’t you ask us to help you?” “You guys can’t help me, I have no friends and I have no desire to learn anything!” “Sure we can help you Joey, you just need to ask. But how long have you been in debt?” “For about a week I haven’t paid this drug dealer. On the way home the other day, he found me walking home from school. I told him I would get him the money by the next day. Luckily he let me go, but then the next day, he found me again. He pulled out a knife and sliced me pretty bad. I am pretty sure on Monday he will KILL ME!” “No one is going to kill my son! Tell us his name, and we will have the police track him down. I swear it!” “You can’t dad, then he’ll just kill me after he finds out I ratted on him. Just give me the money and I will pay up, then he will leave me alone.” “A thousand dollars is a lot of money Joey. But when it comes to your life, no price is too high. Tonight we will go to the bank and get $1,000 cash. So, when you are walking home tomorrow, give him the money, and save your life. There is one condition though, you will attend rehab every day after school and on the weekends, till you are safe from drugs. Deal?” “Of course, I am sorry for what I have put you through, it will never happen again. I will also try to bring up all my grades to passing.” Joey went to bed that night so happy. He was glad this was all over with, and he just prayed to god he would be able to kick his addiction to drugs. By the time his parents were back he was sound asleep. Joey slept very well that night for once without a care in the world. Christine woke Joey up this morning, but different then usual. She didn’t say Joey-Hun or Joey-honey, just Joe. It was peculiar in a way, but Joey didn’t seem to notice. He just showered with a hearty whistling tune, and ate his breakfast with a big smile across his face. He was right on schedule, and his mom was quite proud. They left for school, and on the whole ride to school, Christine discussed the plan for the drug money. Joey arrived at school, and started on his way to the locker area, the most social place in school before class started. He struck up a conversation with a kid named Johnny who was quiet and shy, and the perfect friend for Joey to have for the remainder of the school year. They had so much in common that their conversation cut in to class time. Joey rushed to his first period math class, and sat down in his seat. Every question that Mr. Davis asked was answered by none other than Joey. He was talkative, and doing well. All of sudden he seemed to have a good grip on mathematics which was very surprising to Mr. Davis. The rest of the day went on as Joey taking charge and pulling it together. Sure enough, while walking home from school, Jim walked out of the shadows, and pulled Joey’s arm. “You better have my money!” Jim yelled. “I do, I do, here, take this and leave me alone!” Joey gave Jim a duffel bag that he was carrying. Jim took the bag and ran once again. Joey was so incredibly happy. Nothing had gone wrong in the trade, and everything was back to normal. He had his life back, and he had a better view on schoolwork. Joey had really gotten it together, and the second he walked inside his house, his dad and mom rushed over to him, and gave him lots of love. The ending is way too funny for me to reread. Everything goes as planned. You can tell it's written by someone at a young age because the ending is happy and nothing goes wrong. Thanks for taking the time to read it, and I hope it's something that was allowed to be posted here.  |
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