When asked to participate in Sumo_Rhino's Father's Day Write Off, I didn't realize that it would take me so long
to decide on what to review. It was to be a product, destination or service that reminded me of my Dad.
That sounds simple enough, I thought. Sure, I'd love to participate! I love my Dad, loving your Dad is a
good thing, so I thought what the heck.

This prompted me to embark on an odyssey of discovery. I set out to discover the enigma that is my
father. Daddy was the popular high school jock. He played football, ran track and got into a little non
serious trouble on the side. He lived in a VERY small town in West Texas, so he didn't even have
television until he was almost an adult. He grew up, met my Mom and started his life. He became a
father, and basically worked and indulged in his hobbies on the side.


I feel, at this time, compelled to admit that I have NOT purchased this product, neither has my father. I would if I could, and if you are a stickler for the rules here at Epinions, feel free to NH this review. Okay, that said....

MEXICANS, WHISKEY AND RAY-BANS, OH MY!

His hobbies would make interesting review fodder. Alas, Epinions has no category for race cars or guns.
He got lost at sea once, but as you can well imagine, they had no products to utilize. They had a definite
destination, namely "civilization" , but couldn't get there. They did end up using a service. A Mexican
shrimp boat found them and radioed the Coast Guard who picked them up. They all scored high marks all
the way around, but I can't really review a Mexican Shrimp boat or the Coast Guard as a whole.
Suffice it to say they all scored HR and I think you should definitely use them when stranded in the
middle of the ocean.

Daddy likes whiskey. I don't know which kind. Just whiskey. I know next to nothing about the stuff,
myself. All I know is that in High School, I chugged some Jack Daniels and ended up throwing up on the
feet of a Border Patrol agent. (long story) I don't feel qualified to review any whiskey, therefore.
My Dad could no doubt fill a few pages on the stuff, but I cannot. As a related topic, I could write a
review on the accommodations of the Juarez, Mexico city jail, but again, Epinions is making this difficult
for me. (long story, suffice it to say if you're ever stuck there, ask for "Beto". He'll help you out.)

I have tried in the past to gift my father with the perfect present. One year, I caught him coveting a
Rolex GMT Master watch. Was it outrageously expensive? Oh yeah. You betcha. Did we get it for
him? Oh yeah. You betcha. We've never regretted it, either. He cried when he opened it on Christmas
morning. He was so surprised, and he had wanted that dumb watch so badly, that he was speechless when
he opened that box and saw it sitting there. My Dad doesn't normally care a bit about that sort of
thing, and he would never have purchased it for himself. We were at a mall one day, and he stopped at
the window of a jewelry store. He said, "Come here, Girl.(he calls me "girl" and my brother "boy", I
think he forgot our names years ago.) If I had a million dollars, I would buy one of these watches.
Aren't they pretty?" He acted almost shy about even thinking about having a watch like that. I thought
they were okay looking as far as watches went, but I didn't have any idea how expensive they were. I
said , "Well, Daddy, if you like it, why don't you just buy it?" (I was so blissfully, ignorantly young at
the time.) He told me how much the watch cost. I was flabbergasted! A few weeks later, my Mother
was asking me what we should get my Dad for Christmas. "Well, I know what he wants, but I doubt
you'll get it for him." I showed her the watch. She bought it right away. I told her how he gazed at it,
and how sweet he was when he told me how pretty he thought it was. He has always reminded me of the
cartoon character "Hagar the Horrible", and that day he reminded me of him more than ever. A big, usually gruff macho guy with an innate sweetness that he was usually loathe to show. Was that
a great thing to give him? It was one of the best, I have to say. I was the only person he had confided
in about the watch, and he was so happy to receive it. So, if you're considering buying that particular
Rolex, I give it highest marks.

Another year, I purchased him a pair of Ray Ban sunglasses with amber lenses for pilots and
professional marksman.(is there such a thing?) I thought they would be a great thing for Dad, since he
had to sit on a Railroad Engine all day in the heat of the West Texas sun, and stare at the tracks hour
after hour. These glasses were supposed to relax the eye and reduce eye fatigue. I bought them, he
loved them. He wore them to work, leaned out of the engine to look at something on the ground, and they
fell right off his face and shattered. That blew that gift. If you are in the market for these type of
sunglasses, don't lean out of a window and look down. They'll fall off your face and shatter. Other than
that, they are great.

I can't really buy him anything for his work as a gift, since he drives trains for a living. Doesn't require
much in the way of optional equipment. A global positioning device, for instance, would be useless. The
tracks don't leave much room for mistakes as far as direction goes. He could look up his location , I
suppose. It would always say the same thing: "You are in the middle of nowhere, on a straight stretch of
track, going straight toward a small town in the middle of nowhere. Bon Voyage." There is no category
for Locomotive engines here at Epinions, so I can't very well review those, now can I?

He loves to shoot, and has an extensive gun collection. He purchased guns for both of my sons on the
days of their births, and I have a gun at his house still. My husband also is a gun freak, and gave me my
very own 9mm. pistol. How romantic, eh? I wouldn't know what to buy in the way of a gun for my Dad,
and he probably would already have it anyhow. (Before anyone freaks out about my kids and guns, rest
assured all firearms in our home are locked up, unloaded, with the ammunition separate from the guns
themselves. My husband is a cop, and he keeps his service weapon loaded, but put away where the
children couldn't get to it if they tried. Plus, they've all been educated about guns and gun safety, and
have no curiosity about them at all. So please, nobody lecture me on the dangers...Believe me, I've obsessed and worried about them all..many, many times.)


AND NOW, ON TO THE SH*T!

Finally, I hit on the perfect product to review. My Dad is obsessed with barbecuing. He is the king of
the grills. I think he buys a new one every year. He has grills and smokers out the wazoo. I think he
has started hiding them from me when I visit because I suggested a 12-step program for him and his
grilling obsession. I searched in the Epinions database and finally found it: The Brinkmann 30" Super
Roadmaster Smoker/Grill. To be honest, my father does not have this product. However, I know he
would love to have it. This is a huge smoker/grill that is mounted on a trailer that one would presumably
tow behind their vehicle.

Why would anyone want to do this? Well, my Dad and my uncle (his brother in law) have longed desired
to start their own business. What is that business? It is unique. (thankfully) They want to tow that
monster grill around and park on roadsides and sell their culinary wares. My Dad is a fabulous cook.
He is a wretched grill chef, though. My uncle is a great griller/bbq chef, and a wretched cook. Of
course, Daddy wants to grill, and Uncle Charlie wants to cook side dishes and the like.
Well, on this baby, they could do both. I did my homework so that I could sound like I knew what I was
talking about here. The Brinkmann 30" Super Roadmaster Smoker/Grill boasts fully welded 1/4" thick
steel and heavy duty hinged lids. I can only imagine that is a good thing in a tow able smoker/grill. In
addition, it has a 30" diameter cooking chamber that could hold a whole lot of brisket. There is a
firebox with a 108" long cooking chamber, as well. That would hold a whole lot of mesquite wood, now
wouldn't it? There is also a 24" long warming tray so that Uncle Charlie can keep his side dishes
warm. That sounds vaguely dirty, but I meant side dishes as in foodstuffs.

It sounds and looks like a marvelous contraption if you are into smoking large pieces of flesh. The
fledgling business has a name, too. My Daddy thought it up. It will be called: "Ken's BBQ and Sh*t my
brother in law makes" He wants to have that on a sign and have it attached to the trailer so that as they
drive the highways and byways of this great land of ours, people will drool in anticipation when they
read it. I can hear the conversations in the passing cars now: "Boy, I'm sure hungry. If only there was
a place we could get bbq and sh*t. Sigh. Well, wouldja lookie there, who woulda thought? We're in
luck! Pull over honey! Let's buy us some BBQ and sh*t!"

Now, this griller/smoker doesn't come cheap. It is $7,999 bucks. That is one expensive grill, folks. I
asked my Dad if he anticipated actually turning a profit with this venture. He responded, "Oh hell
yeah! We 'll cook beef, chicken, deer, pork ...hell, we'll even smoke fish!"
To which I responded, "Is there a large demand for smoked fish, Dad? I mean outside of the Inuit
people, that is." He was not happy with my obvious lack of enthusiasm. I don't know, I wouldn't
personally stop and purchase food from two old guys on the side of the road no matter how fancy
schmancy their grill/smoker was. I would be especially leery of two old guys downing the whiskey and
laughing their butts off while playing with fire and congratulating themselves on the clever name of their
business.

Of course, they plan on schlepping my poor mother and aunt along with them. They told my Mom and
Aunt "Hey, ya'll can make some of that 'crafty' stuff you like to make! Ya'll can sell it, and we'll sell
the food!" Somehow, judging by the slightly malevolent stares my Mom and Aunt directed their way, I
don't see this happening. My aunt uttered her usual response to them, "Quit being stupid." My mother
uttered something a bit more colorful, but it wasn't suitable for print.

I would love to be able to purchase this for my Dad. I am sure my Mom would quit speaking to me for a
while, though. The look on his face would be great. I could give it to him the way I had always hoped he
would give me a Corvette on my 16th birthday. I would wrap it up in a huge red bow and park it in the
driveway for him to find in the morning. Of course, he didn't give me the Corvette on my 16th birthday.
He never gave me the Corvette. I doubt he ever intends to, now that I think about it. But, that doesn't
mean I have to be as stingy, right? Okay, let's face it, I'll probably never buy this grill. My husband
would just about die if I were to spend that much money on a grill. But, oh how I would love to be able
to give my Dad this.

I can only guess as to how sturdy this grill/smoker would be. It looks terribly sturdy and substantial.
I would probably recommend taking a spare tire for the trailer, just to be safe.

My Dad would most likely welcome you if you stopped at his little roadside BBQ joint. He'd give you a
cold beer, some great BBQ, some horrible side dishes that have been kept warm, and talk your ear off.
He's lived a fascinating life, and he doesn't know a stranger. He could tell you the correct time with no
problem, and when you were full of BBQ, he could send you on your way knowing you had just met one of
the most content men on the planet.

Yes, I'd love to give this to my Dad. He wouldn't be able to make much use of it anymore. He has been
fighting heart problems for the past couple of years, and it has been an exhausting, terrifying fight. It
is hard to see my once vital father sick most of the time, and uninterested in things such as guns, whiskey
or BBQ.


Instead of getting him this most excellent grill, I am giving him a copy of an old movie that is his favorite, and one of those hot lather thingies for shaving. I know, it sounds pathetic compared to the grill. I am going to go out and find a few more things for him, but unfortunately, it won't be this grill.


There is one place I can recommend to you all: if you are lucky enough to still have your father with
you, go see him if you can. Try and see him as the child he once was, and the young man he once was.
Remember that above all, he probably loves you and would do anything for you.
Try and let him know how much he means to you, and how much you enjoy being with him. That is what
I'm going to do, and I have purchased a gift for him. I'm not sure he'll care much about the present, but
I know he'll love seeing my kids and myself. In the end, that is the greatest present we can give our
fathers. I'll let my Daddy know that I hope my sons grow up to be a man like him. I can think of no
greater compliment and I know he'll consider that the perfect gift.

This Epinion is part of the 2001 Father's Day Write-Off hosted by
sumo_rhino. Contributing authors include: AdaDavis, AggieBrett, AngelaBar,
Arazim, dougsanders, GinaHill, Howard_Creech, JAMES23, JediKermit, jkkelley,
JNGowan, kevlog, LDiablo, MadTheory, mike.holmes, mattjoe, Nathanael73,
PSobel, scoobysnack00, Shalott, Sloucho, and sumo_rhino.

The write-off celebrates our dads. Participants have chosen topics for
review that offer remembrance of their paternal relationships or bind them
to their fathers in some way. For an uplifting experience, please visit the
other contributions.

A complete list of participants/reviews and links will be available at our
web page:

http://www.gpaulray.com/writeoff





Recommended: Yes

Amount Paid (US$): 7,999