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You Never Know When It's Going To Hit You Again

Jun 24 '02 (Updated Nov 18 '03)

The Bottom Line =====================================================

For the most part as you look around New York City lately, it seems that everything is back to normal. Maybe this is just the new normal everyone keeps talking about, I don't know.

But then every now and again it comes back to hit you in some way where you didn't expect it.

Last night as I was checking my email, it happened again. One of the fathers in our soccer league was emailing us about the league election and a I saw a familiar name with a dash and espeed next to it.

For anyone who doesn't know, eSpeed is the name of the Internet Trading division of the company Cantor Fitzgerald. They lost 1/3 of their workforce on 9/11.

I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep unless I talked to his wife. Our kids had been together since they were 3 in dance school. We'd been through births, deaths, a miscarriage, and a whole lot of dance recitals together.

Even later on into that night, I didn't sleep well. The thought of another funeral; of someone I'd known so well but never known where he worked haunted me. The thought of my oldest daughter having to process friends of hers losing their father brought all of the hauntings of that day back to me.

This friend of ours had been on his way in that morning. Running late, that was it. When I talked with his wife, she was surprised that I didn't know, that we hadn't talked about it already.

But I've found that I don't like to open those old wounds. Some people find it harder than others. In this case, though, I had to hear it and I had to know. Maybe that could be called selfish, but I think other New Yorkers understand. In any case, his wife was used to talking about it.

We talked about last year's dance recital. Last June, they left his company picnic early so the girls could be in the show. I can remember her telling us how wonderful it was and how much fun they had all had; all the activities and how great all the people were. Now so many of those people are gone.

These are the little moments when it comes back all over again. When you hear a story of survival about someone you didn't think would be there, or didn't know where he worked.

I don't ask "When will it all end?" as I've heard some other people asking. I know it will never end, unless it is a time after the children and grandchildren of those who left us that day are also gone from the planet. I just thank God for the little miracles that day.


© 2002 Patti Aliventi

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AliventiAsylum

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