|
|
Turn Around Bi*ch I Got A Use For You....Jul 03 '02 Write an essay on this topic.
Popular Products in Lighting
The Bottom Line As I said "The Bottom Line is Good Too!!
For the record, this is my review for the Britney Spear's album "Baby one more time...". It holds the dubious distinction of earning me my first Off Topic rating. I guess dem Women Activist Type people saw it, afterall. Anyways, dedemw suggested that I post this article under the writer's column. I found it a pretty sensible suggestion considering that had I known about this place earlier, I would have posted it here in the first place. (I'm still kinda new in this place). I still haven't deleted my article under the Britney Spears album review because I've kind of fallen in love with the looks of those menacing Off Topic ratings. I'm not sure whether I'm violating any norms by doing that but if I am, then "Bite me!!", I've had my rabies shots. :) For the people who have already read this one before, I'm sorry to offend your senses once more but this time you have dedemw to blame for it. :) (If I know dedemw well enough, she ain't gonna take this lying down!!) :) Anyway, this here then is the review, uncensored & unabridged :- Turn Around Bi*ch I Got A Use For You.... by beerbrain | Jun 27 '02 Pros: The 2 orbs just above her belly.... Cons: Her vocal chords.... The Bottom Line: Oh Yeah!! The bottom line is fine too!! Recommended: No [PA] Warning :- Some sh*it up ahead may not be suitable for children below the age of 10. (There!! I just lost most of my audience.) To All the Women Activist type people who may consider putting together a lynch mob after they are through with this :- The author claims temporary insanity. Forecast for Beerbrain :- You are in danger of receiving your first Extremely filthy/Offtopic rating. Stay clear of touchy topics. To misquote MAD :- "Some wisdom is given to all yet they go & buy this CD." I really don't own this CD nor do I intend to own it in the near future either. In fact I wouldn't be caught dead within a few hundred miles of this CD. Then what am I doing reviewing this album?!! Well, most of the songs from this album have been shoved down my throat thanks to the venerable MTV & those teeny-bopper, Bingo Handjob type disk jockeys on FM radio. I've earned my right to shoot my mouth off!! Well; Britney is easy on the eyes; wish she was the same on the ears. She can certainly hold a tune; I'll give her that; but so can my neighbor's dog on a full moon night & all I want to do is grab hold of a revolver & pump some bullets into him. That's not exactly what I have in mind for Ms. Spears but there is definitely some pumping involved. Ahem!! Getting back to the album, "Baby one more time..." was the first single as well as video off this album. The first time I saw the video for this song, the song seemed an average teeny-bopper song. As for the video, well there was this pink tank-top, white pants, short skirt, nice smile, good tan, excellent buns, firm jugs.....Cough!! Cough!! Sorry, got carried away but wasn't that the intention behind this video in the first place? This one must have been a huge hit amongst those S&M guys on the basis of it's lyrics. Even now, I can see the dominatrix in some of you flashbacking to that Christmas morning, to the scenes of metal leashes & leather whips, with Britney's soothing voice in the background going "Hit me baby, one more time...". The next video I remember seeing was for this song called "Sometimes". I don't much remember the song but the video was dreamy. If I'm not wrong it was shot on a beach. There was a dog in it. Cool breeze, white sand, Britney wearing hot pants, more legs... long legs WOO HOO!! Sorry!! My brain seems to have shifted it's residence from my cranium to between my legs. I guess millions of other male viewers were experiencing the same problem around the world coz this video went into heavy rotation, what with men calling in requesting the video just to get their hourly fix of those thunder thighs. Kudos to Britney's marketing team. The strategy paid off!! After "Sometimes" the next video release was "Genie in a bottle" or something. She seemed a bit slender, a bit thinner, the jugs were smaller, the tan was gone, the voice sounded a tad bit better. Ooops!! Sorry!! Wrong girl! Damn!! They all look alike, even their songs sound the same; how the hell am I suppose to tell the difference? By the way; speaking of confusion; I just remembered this great joke along the same lines... What's the height of confusion? Blindfolded lesbians running around in a fish market. Hee!! Hee!! This is going nowhere. I'm not sure this is the right approach to reviewing a Britney Spears album. Let's try another approach. Let's review her songwriting abilities. Hmmm...Unhhh...Ahem!! She doesn't write her own songs you say?!! Nevermind, let's reflect on her composing then. What?!! She doesn't even compose her own music. Oh well, then her prowess with some instrument perhaps? Bingo!! She plays a wicked tape recorder you say!! Just like I told ya, everybody's got some hidden talent or another. In case of Ms. Spears it's well concealed. Watch out Aretha, here comes the next Diva weilding a nifty boombox. There are some other songs on this album as well which I don't have the pleasure of knowing first hand. (Somebody up there must really like me!!) One is called "From the heart of my bottom's crack" or something very much similar to that. Then there is one technology savvy song called "E-mail my heart", which I'm guessing is Britny's pean to Hotmail. And then there's "Crazy", which again I'm guessing, is about the mental facility where Ms. Spears spent most of childhood growing up. This mental facility, I'm told by very reliable sources, was charged with gross negligence & shut down when Ms. Spears managed to escape in broad daylight. Well, what can I say, against all odds Ms. Spears has managed to claw her way up to the top, loosing most of her clothing on her way. How long is she gonna stay up? I'm guessing as long as those perfect orbs on her pectoral region do & with the advances made in the field of cosmetic surgery thanks to Cher; that could mean forever. Oh well; why fight a loosing battle?!! Britney Forever!! "I'm a slaaave!!...for you......!!" Great Music to Play While: Going to Sleep  |
| Read all comments (4)|Write your own comment |
