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The Australian Method Of Breaking In GlovesJul 07 '02 Write an essay on this topic.
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The Bottom Line Follow these instructions and you will end up with a perfect pair of gloves, guaranteed
I wrote this in a fit of self-amusement one cold winter night, but never submitted it to the category of "glove breaking in" (or something similar) since I assumed it would be blasted for trivialising a great National icon. I know breaking in baseball gloves is a popular U.S pastime but in the interest of better international respect and understanding I thought it may be useful to share some Aussie glove tenderizing techniques , naturally we use cricket gloves but the basic methodology remains the same. The first thing I do with a fresh unworked pair of gloves is go for a hard ride on a kangaroo , there is nothing I enjoy more than bounding across the wide brown sun burnt landscape, down the local shop and post office, with a un yieldy pair of gloves on, as the hopping combined with the friction of hanging on to the roo’s neck tends to work the gloves into a somewhat more malleable state, leaving a softer more yielding fit. I then usually go 4 or 5 rounds with the big red ( everyone knows that big red kangaroos love to box with their owners) he doesn’t wear gloves and most often gets the drop on me, but the pummeling works wonders on my gloves. Don’t be mistaken there is no cruelty involved in the this and my Kangaroo enjoys the exercise. Then its off to my friend Marks house, I tie up the Kanga out front and have a couple of Fosters stubwarez (phonetic spelling)and we (naturally) throw a few shrimps on the B.B.Q and get ready for the : Cattle dog gauntlet This is my favorite, Mark and I do this as a manly ritual ,we strip naked (you can do this fully clothed but it is a more primal and inherently dangerous act, in the raw) one glove on each hand, we dip the gloved hand in a large can of pal (dog food) and run through the dog enclosure at high speed, this a very dangerous method of glove breaking (should not be tried without careful thought and training) but the snapping snarling and savage dogs ripping and tearing at our dog food encrusted gloves works wonders and tends to put them in a perfect state for the next stage of the process : Air Compression followed by jousting We pop the compressor hose into each glove on the end of a 2 by 1 piece of hard wood pole, inflating them to extreme pressure , we then tie them off with heavy duty elastic and give them to the young boys next door to joust with (just like the knights of old ) for a couple of hours , the kids love this and it creates a perfect surface for the final touch Microwave : pre soaked in butter and vegemite This is were the ladies touch is needed, my wife gave me these instructions * Kneed butter in surface of glove * Liberally apply vegemite across the whole surface * Cook on high for 2 minutes * Remove from microwave and allow to cool The gloves are then taken outside and the cooked on crust is broken open by giving them a good wack on the ground .This process acts like a mud bath and what is revealed inside is a perfectly weathered and malleable pair of gloves that any one would be happy with.  |
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