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Re: Cal, (Reply to this comment)
by iamnucleus
What healing process worked for you, was it secular or christian based or did things just sort themselves out. I need know because i am in almost the exact situation as the original article writer. Thanks
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Dec 09 '08
9:20 am PST
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I'm sure things will get better over time (Reply to this comment)
by pipet
but it often gets worse, first. You definitely sound like a caring Dad, so at least your daughters will have someone to turn to when they are able to. The father-daughter relationship can be hurt for a while when even when it's the stepfather who's the sicko; it's because of all the trust issues that your girls have to deal with. Hang in there; your daughters will appreciate your love, even if they can't show it now. While they are teenagers it's probably the hardest time for them to even admit how much the abuse affects their lives; there are so many other issues that dealing with the abuse often is too much. It sounds like you already know this, but I'll say it anyway because I know this actually does help. Give them time & support, and don't ask them to rehash what happened unless they bring it up. Focus on helping them feel more in control and help them with their self-esteem. Help them start to like themselves - right now they probably hate who they are.
I hate hearing about the abuse of children and unfortunately it is much too common. Thanks for sharing what you're going through. I hope it will help others and also remind others to be on alert.
pipet
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Aug 13 '02
3:04 pm PDT
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Cal.... (Reply to this comment)
by Lisa_J
(((hugs)))
My blessings are extended to you and I will keep your girls and you in prayer. I am sorry they -- and you -- have had to deal with all of this. It isn't fair.... you all have been robbed.
You are a remarkable man and they are blessed to have a father that cares. I sincerely hope things improve.
Blessings~
Lisa_J
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Jul 16 '02
12:34 am PDT
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! (Reply to this comment)
by dedemw
I was on a "girl's night out" a few weeks back. During our random girl talk- we all discovered that out of 6 of us, only 1 had been 'free' of abuse. The other 5 of us had rape as our first sexual experience. Whether it was a friend, family member, or just a boy one had a crush on. This is America peeps- and it happens way more than you think in your own back yard!
Thanks for the powerful read !
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Jul 14 '02
9:47 am PDT
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Really sorry ... (Reply to this comment)
by mridula
that this has happened to you and your precious daughters. They are lucky to have a father like you. I hope things will work out fine and may peace be there for you and your daughters. Take care,
mridula
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Jul 12 '02
7:06 am PDT
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Um... (Reply to this comment)
by chrisceb
I hope the SOB stepfather rots in hell...and God Bless you Cal, stay stong.
Chris B
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Jul 11 '02
2:01 pm PDT
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Cal,... (Reply to this comment)
by Caprig
....you have no idea how timely this editorial is.
All I can say is that what I have witnessed in the last few years has made me shocked and discouraged at how few people relish children and are willing to protect them from sexual predators.
Children have a reason to believe they are at fault for the abuse. Many adults blame them over and over for it, and if they turn in the predator, they are blamed and degraded by family, friends, and those whom are supposed to protect them.
It makes me sick.
Thank you, Cal, for taking a risk and writing such an up front editorial on a slice of the reality of sexual rape (all forms of sexual molestation are rape).
Imagine the situation if you were an outisider and instead of their stepfather, it was their father while the mother watched.
I am so tired of people shrugging off the impact of sexual transgression on others.
Hang in there!
Capri
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Jul 11 '02
6:28 am PDT
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It may take (Reply to this comment)
by thed_man
time to completely heal but I have a feeling that with an "old man" like you, your daughters will get through it just fine.
take care
thed_man (Dave)
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Jul 10 '02
9:12 pm PDT
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Very sobering words. (Reply to this comment)
by telynor
Thank goodness your daughters had you to fight for them. I know all too well the sort of hell that children can face in this kind of a situation, and that the ramifications of the damage are very far reaching. Excellent essay. -- telynor
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Jul 10 '02
8:24 pm PDT
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Thank you (Reply to this comment)
by Suzer
Cal for being the wonderful person you are, and I am so sorry for all you and the girls have had to experience. It is so unfair.
I had to place one of my sons in residential treatment when he was a teenager, and as difficult as it was, he is doing great now as an adult.
((Hugs)),
Suz
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Jul 10 '02
7:13 pm PDT
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What a situation this is for you and the girls (Reply to this comment)
by bonniesayers
I hope it all works out and know from reading of other experiences that this takes a long time to get through.
Continued good luck to you your daughters.
Thanks for sharing.
Bonnie
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Jul 10 '02
5:55 pm PDT
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I can't help crying... (Reply to this comment)
by lorace
Words won't do it.
Perhaps prayers will. But thank you for sharing and for being a steady rock amidst all those storms surrounding you.
I echo the others' sentiments - It breaks my heart for all of you.
With kind thoughts,
Lorace
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Jul 10 '02
1:44 pm PDT
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God Bless you... (Reply to this comment)
by gaelkm
...It is not easy to be strong (and not have a lot of anger towards the "step-father"). Someone close to me was also abused and is now over age 50, and is STILL working on issues surrounding their own abuse. (I wrote a review on this subject awhile back [Sept. 2000] if you'd care to read it...
http://www.epinions.com/kifm-review-6F70-287594B-39CD609A-prod1
My heart goes out to you and your daughters.
~gael
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Jul 10 '02
10:29 am PDT
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Cal, (Reply to this comment)
by makelli3
Your girls are lucky to have a father who cares enough to rescue them and stand up for them. Keep your chin up and know that they will get through this...somehow. They are Survivors!
My thoughts and prayers are with you and yours.
Kelli
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Jul 10 '02
8:25 am PDT
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re: thanks from Cal (Reply to this comment)
by cntaur5
Thanks for your inspirational comments, I really appreciate all of you, its as if you guy’s and gal’s are my cyber-shoulders to cry on.
Thanks so much!
Barbara, Kelly, Patti, jo, and Melissa
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Jul 10 '02
8:08 am PDT
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Re: Breaks my heart (Reply to this comment)
by ifif1938
but how fortunate your daughters are to have you there for them now...
My best thoughts go out to you and to them
Barbara
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Jul 10 '02
7:22 am PDT
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Cal... (Reply to this comment)
by willeftk
I hope and pray your daughters will find a way to overcome the effects of this horrible abuse. They are truly blessed to have a wonderful father who fought for their safety and I know that one day they will come to see you as the hero you are.
Kelly
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Jul 10 '02
6:17 am PDT
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Breaks my heart (Reply to this comment)
by AliventiAsylum
because you are right - you were "robbed". You were all robbed of the opportunity to have a relationship with each other without all of this baggage. It's hard enough to have a relationship with teenagers.
My thoughts are with you. Those two girls are lucky to have a father who cares for them so much. Keep plugging away and letting them know how much you will always love them.
Patti
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Jul 10 '02
4:39 am PDT
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Thanks for sharing, Cal (Reply to this comment)
by jo.com
jo
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Jul 10 '02
4:24 am PDT
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Cal, (Reply to this comment)
by bops_mom
it rips me apart to read this. I was there and unlike your daughters had no one to confide in (well, I'm sure there must have been someone, but no parental figure). Bless you for being there for them! It is an extremely difficult road they have ahead of them, the scars last a life time, but healing can/does occur. I have no doubt that the very fact that they have their father in their lives and how willing and open you are to doing anything you can for them will help them better than anything else possibly could.
Melissa
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Jul 09 '02
11:45 pm PDT
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