How not to get around in the United Kingdom
Jul 16 '02
The Bottom Line Marvel at my famous "train rant". It's not my first and it probably won't be my last!
I am not a happy bunny.
I thought I would share my experiences with you because when I tried explaining it to my boyfriend he was very sympathetic but I could see in his eyes that he was thinking "uh-oh, she's on another train rant". But he knows the British Transport System of old, but perhaps you are unfamiliar with it. This way I get to kill two birds with one stone. I get it all off my chest, and you (hopefully!) learn about the rail system (and lack thereof) in Britain.
1. British Rail was a national rail service. They were responsible for all the trains, the tracks, the food (I believe that's what they called it). Everything. But under the Tories, rail travel was privatised. This means that there is one company in charge of tracks, one in charge of catering, and millions and millions in charge of the trains, all in different regions (imagine the size of Britain. It takes no more than 10 hours to get from one end to the other. So it makes no sense at all!)
2. Say you were going from Birmingham to London (it takes about 2 hours). You couldn't just buy a ticket anymore. You have a choice of trains and therefore a choice of tickets. Furthermore, the cost of the tickets would vary by a stupid amount depending on when you booked it and what time of day you are travelling. In fact, when you book over the phone, never accept the first ticket you are offered. Stay on the phone. Say "is that the cheapest ticket you have?" And "is it cheaper if I travel a little earlier/later?" Coz they won't volunteer the information. I've reduced a ticket to Manchester from £144 to £44 before now, just by asking the right questions.
3. You'll probably be delayed. Or the train will be cancelled. Some companies are better than others. And some will be on strike. You've been warned.
4. The icing on the cake is that they now refer to passengers as "customers" as if we really had a choice. And they laughingly refer to the trains as "services". How ironic. Or optimistic, anyway.
So why am I not a happy bunny? Well, here's my story:
I travelled back to Shropshire to see the rellies at the weekend. It was the return journey that caused my unhappiness. I caught the 4.40 train from Telford and changed to the 5.19 at Wolverhampton. It was supposed to arrive in London Euston at about 8. We were delayed for THREE HOURS! The air conditioning was broken. The windows didn't open. When I arrived in London at 11, tired and alone I still had to travel the 1.5 hours across London to my house, with all the drunks. I was most unhappy. Really. I had a wobbly-lip moment as I just wanted to be in bed and I had to work the next day.
But what bothered me more than that was the following: There were a number of foreigners on the train. Probably they were tourists visiting Britain. What the Hell must they think? Because I tell you one thing: they may have had the most wonderful time here (fingers crossed) but if there's one thing they will remember it would be the fact that Brits are so utterly incompetent that they can't even organise a train to go 150 miles or so. And they'll remember how uncomfortable they were in the stifling heat.
Do you ever use the word jobsworth? As in "Can't do that, it's more than my job's worth!" Well, the lady with the catering trolley was an absolute jobsworth of the highest order. Some poor man, who I took to be Scandinavian sat next to me and asked for two cups of tea. The jobsworth said "no. Because you're sitting further back and when you try to carry the tea back you might spill it and I'm not insured for that". The man said "but my friend is very upset and would like a cup of tea to calm his nerves. Please!" "No" she said simply. Sheesh! It's not as if the train was even going anywhere! Otherwise we wouldn't have arrived THREE HOURS LATE!
So, if you're travelling with Virgin Trains (there, I've said it) please be aware that they employ robots with no human characteristics to speak of and that they couldn't organise a p*** up in a brewery. And please, please don't assume that we're all like that.
Or better still, get the coach!
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Epinions.com ID:
mostlyserious
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Location: London, UK
Reviews written: 7
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About Me:
Sometimes I sit and think. And sometimes I just sit...
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