Page Nine and 3/4 - Vol. 2 - Music News, Notes, Noodlings, and Nonsense Jul 26 '02    Write an essay on this topic. Tweet The Bottom Line The column that exists only if you run at full speed at a brick column in a train station. - Both George Michael and Whitney Houston made futile attempts to resurrect their washed-up careers lately by releasing controversial singles and/or making characteristically asinine statements about the world and what they think about it. Thanks, guys, you may now return to your respective spaceship and hole in the ground. - Daily media pot-of-gold Noel Gallagher opened his big yapper again, this time to opine on the status (or the fact that they actually have a status) of rock stone-agers The Rolling Stones: "The Stones have looked ridiculous for 10 f--king years, apart from Ronnie Wood. He's a f--ing geezer, but Mick Jagger in tights at 60? Are you sure? Come on! We won't be f--king going onstage when we're 60, like half of these other f--king people who should know better at their age." Blame me for thinking, Noel, that you sound like the eternal optimist. Or eternally oblivious one. Looks at this rate as if you won't have to worry about being on stage at age 60. - I knew Rivers Cuomo could smile. Weezer's latest video, for their single "Keep Fishin," features Rivers and Co. making a guest spot on the Muppet Show, with Animal on drums after Miss Piggy kidnaps Weezer drummer Pat Wilson. Rivers manages to squeeze out a few grins, the last of which comes after said Miss Piggy throws a body block to get all of her wide frame on camera. He only wishes those half-Japanese girls could've been that feisty. - Will somebody call me when Steven Tyler actually decides to write another actual song? Talk about riding on your laurels, because their latest song is absolutely brutal. And hopefully he doesn't misinterpret what riding on your laurels means. That's BAD, Steve. - Both Bruce Springsteen and James Taylor have new albums slated for release in the near future. And besides the fact that they both remind us of a time when music was pure, we knew nothing of Britney Spears the last time one of them released an album. (Taylor's Hourglass, 1997) May irony swing its mighty stick once again this time around. - We're at the point in time where we're starting to see the effect that September 11th had on bands and songwriters. Besides Springsteen's new release, which is supposedly based wholly on the events of 9/11, a crop of new songs, like Dave Matthews' "Where Are You Going" and Coldplay's "In My Place," seem to portray a feeling of inner reflection and a renewal of personal perspective. They're both songs that sound comfortable with being just the way they are, songs that sound like they were intended to sooth and reassure rather than try to be more than they really are. - I'm sure this ought to dismay Matt (aka the King of Rock @ Epinions) that much more if he hasn't spotted it already. Purveyor of Pungency Andrew W.K. had another of his songs pop up in a commercial, this time it being "She Is Beautiful" in a spot for Nintendo's Gamecube. Eh, I just say let him do what he wants, the fact that he probably doesn't know any better is a good thing. - Buckcherry recently called it quits after they discovered that no one was really paying attention to them. Thus ends the Bad Black Crowes Imitators trend, with a grand total of one victim. - In a development that probably should have kicked every record exec in the teeth, the new album from the Dave Matthews Band, Busted Stuff, debuted at #1 on the Billboard Album Charts, selling over 620,000 copies in its first week (including one from me) despite the fact that any half-witted Dave Matthews fan already had most of the album sitting on their computer at home or in their dorm (also including one from me). Yup, the Internet is a terrible scourge. Be gone, you. - Also in chart news, The Vines took a lot of so-called "experts" by surprise by opening at #11 on the Billboard charts, by selling over 40,000 of their debut album, Highly Evolved. Boy, I guess a whole lot of people couldn't resist the freaking $5.99(!) price tag that retailers like Best Buy we're selling it for. I must have seen about three or four other people with it in their hand, despite the fact that they still had it buried in their catalog section and not with the new releases. Hey, no message there. You just can't argue with cheap. - Continuing one of the oddest and most unneccessary trends in the industry, Linkin Park released a remix album, mostly (or all?) of old material redone (and needless to say, it wasn't that great to begin with) that defies any logical reasoning besides a flashing dollar sign. It's too bad that Puffy beat them to inventing the remix. - One of the last links to pure, old school country (and blues, and rockabilly, and on and on and on) music, Charlie Daniels ditched PBS Independence Day special "A Capitol Fourth," after they requested that he not play his song "A Last Fallen Hero" at the July 4th Washington celebration. Looks like it didn't take very long for Mr. P.C. to make his return, even if it was at the expense of hundreds and thousands who deserve such a loving and honorable tribute. - A trio of 90's rock staples announced dates for their new albums this week. Dave Grohl, taking time from his side jaunt as drummer for the Queens of the Stone Age, announced that the Foo Fighters new album, One by One, will come out just in time for Halloween on October 22. Everclear frontman Art Alexakis set the date for his band's new album, Slowmotion Daydream, as October 8. And Jakob Dylan and Co., preferring not to wait four-plus years this time to release a new album, set the date for the Wallflowers new album, Red Letter Days, as September 24th. Pearl Jam guitarist Mike McCready is said to have a part in the Wallflowers new material, temporarily taking the place of Michael Ward, who left the band recently. Sounds to me like we can expect a trio of pretty good rock albums there. Hopefully. - Speaking of the Wallflowers, their keyboardist Rami Jaffee and Pete Yorn hooked up to put together their own new record label, Trampoline Records. They mentioned that their purpose "is to expose the world to good music." Hey, they've got me sold. - The Strokes recently had to cancel a dollop of opening slots that they had with Weezer due to an undisclosed injury to lead singer Julian Casablancas. Their reason for the cancellations? They said that it was "Hard To Explain." - As if nothing else could happen to Silverchair's Daniel Johns, the band recently delayed the release of their new album for a month because of Johns' recent bout with reactive arthritis, which causes random swelling and pain in the joints. Poor kid; you would have thought with all his conditions that he was Keith Richards. - ZZ Top's Billy Gibbons became an ordained minister in the past few weeks, performing his first ceremony over the weekend in Hawaii. Hey, throw in a rendition of "Sharp Dressed Man" along with the beard and you've got a deal. - The nepotism monster is back. The brothers of Incubus members Brandon Boyd and Mike Einziger have apparently formed their own little rock band, something called Audiovent. They've been getting some recent play on MuchMusic, but don't blink, because you'll miss them. - And in the least surprising development in this roundup, Jennifer Lopez filed for divorce from some mope named Cris Judd after nine hardly blissful months. It's too bad he blinked, he missed both Audiovent AND his wife's backside. Good thing for Cris though, he got to file for assets from both Jennifer and her butt, seeing as they both have their own legally binding contracts. Negotiations are currently underway. Thanks for coming. Hopefully the White Sox don't trade me for a bag of airline peanuts.

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