Forget the Pre-Teen Party Panic!

Sep 28 '02    Write an essay on this topic.


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The Bottom Line Don't go overboard with trying to control every minute of the party. Girls at this age make their own entertainment.

Last year I allowed my daughter to have her first sleep-over party with 13 girls ages 10-11. I believe that was my biggest mistake. Limit the number of girls invited (yes, I know there can be hurt feelings) if you want your home to stay in one piece with girls this age. I honestly think they are worse than boys at "rearranging" the house!!

When planning your party invitations, keep one thing in mind..HURT FEELINGS of the girls not invited. As parents we must set limits as to what we can afford as home parties can get costly. The more guests, the more expensive the party becomes. My #1 rule of thumb: under NO circumstances should invitations be handed out at school!! Each invitation should be sent in the mail to the guests. It makes the trauma of NOT getting invited a bit easier to take and helps the guest-of-honor not deal with hurt feelings or anger by those not invited. We have been on both ends of the fence on this issue. As a middle school teacher, I see the results of handing out invitations at school and it is not a pretty sight for gals that always seem to be left out.

I do not believe in boy-girl parties at this age...sorry!! Let girls be young girls because they don't stay young very much longer.

When the guests arrive sit them down and set the limits: where the CAN and CANNOT go within the home. My mistake was not doing this and girls ended up in the master bedroom closet burying themselves under dirty clothes while playing hide-and-seek!! This was entirely my fault as I did not set limits ahead of time. Save yourself and your daughter grief by knowing the rules at the start of the party.

I had a few parent-led activities that the girls seemed to enjoy. One involved the girls role-playing fashion models. The criteria was they were to work in pairs (the birthday girl sits out if there are an odd number of guests) and one is the model and other is the designer. The team must created a fashion make strictly out of one roll of toilet paper!! This was hysterical to watch and the girls had a ball!! Make sure each team is put in a separate room as they create their fashions to prevent the "hey, you're copying" syndrome. The girls then switch places as model and designer. The fashion show consisted of modeling the outfit while the designer described it for the audience. I then took Polaroid pictures of each model and each gal took the picture home with her.

As each girl arrived she picked a pair of ribbon tied toe-socks out of a basket in which to put on. As our house was only a year old I didn't want our carpet destroyed by muddy and dirty November shoes. The toe socks went on and the shoes came off as the girls came in. The was one of their "parting gifts".

Karaoke is also a hit with pre-teen girls. I myself remember many days playing the in the garage with my friends pretending to be a member of the Monkees as the record player belted out Daydream Believer as we used our air guitars (or brooms) and boxes from drums.

Kids at this age just want to have the chance to be together and create some fun . As the evening progresses the gals will start to lose some of their energy. PJ's, sleeping bags, blankets, and pillows all came out around 11:00 pm and the videos went in!! I was very careful to choose movies that were appropriate (G) as I did not want to offend any parents or make any of our guests uncomfortable.

I did have a special birthday cake made; however, that was a waste of money. I guess it was more for MOM that it was for the birthday girl. They barely touched the cake and it cost me dearly from the local bakery. If you WANT cake...make a boxed cake mix and put on sprinkles or make cupcakes and let the girls decorate them themselves with a variety of toppings.

Food wise.....Make a pan or spaghetti or lasagna for dinner, bread sticks, plenty of fruit, snack crackers with cheese balls, party mixes, popcorn, and flavors of pop (2-liter bottles are best as cans get mixed up and wasted) and you are all set.

Take plenty of pictures or give each gal an inexpensive disposable camera for entertainment during the party. It was a hit!!

As far a decorations go..........I did not do anything other than decorate a bit above the food area. A few balloons, streamers, and confetti and it was festive enough.

I did not stay up all night with the girls. They knew where my bedroom was and I was easily accessible to them. When the videos went in I retired to the peace and quiet of my own room to relax with some tv watching of my own.

My husband and son spent the evening at his mother and father's the evening of the party. The guys would have gone NUTS with the antics of 10-11 year old girls!!If possible have siblings and an adult be away for the evening and come home only for sleep-time. Actually, a sleep over at grandma's would be the best if it is a possibility!!

Remember , the party is a gathering for the girls. They will not know or care how much money you invested (even though your pocketbook will!!) Go with what you can afford and call it a party. As Cyndi Lauper sang in his song.... GIRLS JUST WANT TO HAVE FUN!!!

Happy planning!! :)

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teachermom78
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About Me: I am a special education teacher in a small rural school in Indiana.