|
|
|
Comment |
Sorted by
Date Written |
I am ... (Reply to this comment)
by mridula
not great at writing very insightful comments, I just want to say I enjoyed this story a lot.
mridula
|
Jul 05 '04
9:10 pm PDT
|
|
I'm A Cultural Pluralist (Reply to this comment)
by 29th_Candidate
First, one constructive suggestion to take or leave as you see fit:
I think the inclusion of the incidents of retribution to Anastasia's messed-up P & M, work against the diaphenous, delicately-woven silk threads of your story, which, up until those two anti-climactic moments, maintains a misty, melancholy beauty and an ethereal glow that shouldn't be compromised or diluted.
It's "above" that; leaves it behind (or it should.) It unravels the strength and texture you've succinctly provided the story by directly interlinking it with the "original" Romeo & Juliet, the power of which lies in its allowing the reader/viewer to experience for him/herself the bottomless pathos; the inexcusable, unnecessary waste, the tragic senselessness of "right/wrong" killing and the foolish winlessness of revenge.
Your thoughtful juxtaposition of Shakespeare's R & J, (yes, I understand R&J is an inseparable element of the original story, but this doesn't mean you can't augment or downplay its significance to support the theme, tone and message you seek to advance!) is a strength only to the extent that it underscores/parallels your story's theme. I see your tale as a tragic love story; not a revenge story. The reason the revenge element worked in R & J, is because it created a stirring contrast; a conflictive element that gave the stolen, precious, unlikely love between the star-crossed teenagers a sense of urgency and iminent doom, thus immediate life. Your use of the revenge element here is "after-the-fact;" regressively counteracts and desecrates the holiness of the "Don Maclean's 'Vincent'" ("...this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you...") steeple you've raised here, in your grandfather's brother's honor. It callously, brutishly throws mud onto the delicate, lofty beauty which attends the ineffable sense of pathos and profound tragedy of hatred-murdered love. If you read my trashing of Spielberg for the gratuitous manner in which he ruined "Schindler's List" by unwittingly becoming Hitler and making Commandante Goethe an inadvertent martyr with his (Spielberg's) brutal, pinata-like hanging of Goethe, thereby trashing the "nobody wins" message in favor of Hitler's "might makes violence right" message, you may see what I'm driving at.
There are so many excellent aspects of this narrative masterpiece that time restraints restrict me to leaving you only cursorial highlight mentions:
--The provoking and development of the reader's sense of curiosity about the R & J obsession, rather than beginning the tale from a point that assumes the reader will be interested in your story subject.
--The subtle development of the story's characters through their realistic dialogue, rather than diluting the story by attempting to use the narrator to do all your creative work for you.
--The previously-noted clever and effective use of R&J to underscore the tragic element of your story.
--The skillful telling of the story.
Classy stuff. Magnificent job.
----29th
|
Oct 29 '02
1:21 am PST
|
|
|
|
