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Like the idea that Germans are used to tanks rolling around (Reply to this comment)
by frwhiskey
I lived in Germany a couple of years and have to confess, hitchhike where we'd like, still we never did see any tanks or military things coming down the road. Did see plenty of it, however, in Russia, where half the population seemed to be in some kind of darkgreen uniforms, even if it just was for traffic control. Maybe these guys had no other clothes at the moment?
As for crapping, my favorite was camping here in California in a folkdance camp up in the mountains. We were all supercareful to avoid poison oak. I get to the outhouse with my flashlight in the dark, nearly collapse from the stench, and head for the bushes. I wound up with a whopper swollen arsch as a result of that, yet it was from all that hitching and cheap travel that made me so cavalier about it all anyway. Picky? Don't leave home.
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Feb 12 '03
9:15 pm PST
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Re: ! (Reply to this comment)
by JAMES23
Ah you just have to try harder and you too can screw up as royally as I do. It's easy.
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Oct 30 '02
7:29 pm PST
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Re: Gosh Jim (Reply to this comment)
by JAMES23
Well what can I say Virginia. What else can you get the woman who has everything for her Birthday.
Many happy returns, and many many more.
James
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Oct 30 '02
7:28 pm PST
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Re: a load of entertainment (Reply to this comment)
by JAMES23
Ah the real reason the US are still forced to keep tens of thousands of troops in South Korea. The infamous "Sumo Poop International Incident."
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Oct 30 '02
7:27 pm PST
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Re: Regarding Fecal Fodder... (Reply to this comment)
by JAMES23
I really don't know where to begin with this one Jimbo. In fact I think that leaving any comment will just encourage you further and we don't want that now do we. So I guess I won't even leave one....oops never mind.
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Oct 30 '02
7:25 pm PST
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Re: Hi (Reply to this comment)
by JAMES23
And this from the country that all but invented toilet humour. Cheers.
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Oct 30 '02
7:23 pm PST
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Re: You Know (Reply to this comment)
by JAMES23
Actually Jennifer, my hands were up. It was my pants that were down. Were you not paying attention in the story? There will be a test after.
Glad your husband made it back safe and sound form that great big litter box.
James
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Oct 30 '02
7:22 pm PST
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! (Reply to this comment)
by dedemw
Makes me realize I should never ever complain about anything. Heh- I can't compare
-great read
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Oct 28 '02
7:14 pm PST
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Gosh Jim (Reply to this comment)
by Granniemose
It is so good to have you back. This is funny. I am on my son's computer - and I was laughing so hard he came down to see what I was crying about.
Great story - told as only you could tell it.
Virginia
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Oct 28 '02
1:40 pm PST
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a load of entertainment (Reply to this comment)
by sumo_rhino
James:
You do it to me every time.
I've got so much to say, I'll have to write my own review about office politics regarding United Way donations -- and, more importantly, (mis)adventures of outdoor potty episodes while in military uniform (on a snow-covered peak along the DMZ).
I'll let you know when it's posted...
-- Pauly
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Oct 28 '02
11:38 am PST
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Regarding Fecal Fodder... (Reply to this comment)
by 29th_Candidate
A solid waste matter, james; best tale written on toilet paper I've read for rears. The last tank battle I read that involved this much toilet paper, also involved a plunger and the tidy-bowl man. These things usually go down the same way, near the end, but this one keeps the reader on the edge of his/her seat.
--29th
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Oct 27 '02
6:23 am PST
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Hi (Reply to this comment)
by proxam
It just goes to show that toilet humour is always popular! Entertaining stuff and very definitely 'not bowff'!!
Drew
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Oct 27 '02
2:19 am PST
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I laughed..I cried... (Reply to this comment)
by NFP
..at your account...and how the recounting was launched by an office United Way donation recruitment.
One of the few first-person accounts in this category I read word-for-word from start-to-finish.
Excellent stuff, sir.
nick
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Oct 27 '02
12:40 am PDT
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You Know (Reply to this comment)
by nifer
My husband once relayed a story to me about having to "go" in the sand during the Gulf War, with a couple other guys squatting within hand-holding reach and having to bury their business afterward like a bunch of cats in a big litterbox. I thought that was the most embarrassing potty story, but yours tops that one, hands down.
Glad you lived to tell the tale!
xoxo ~ jennifer
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Oct 26 '02
8:53 pm PDT
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Re: Great story, James. (Reply to this comment)
by JAMES23
Yes I've tried leaves and trust me there are worse thing even then that.
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Oct 26 '02
9:44 am PDT
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Great story, James. (Reply to this comment)
by rich2003dm
I remember the not so good old days in Southeast Asia a very long time ago, when even toilet paper was a luxury at times.
Ever try leaves?
The indignities that a fighting man is subjected to!
Bad enough folks shoot at you. But leaves!
Rich
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Oct 26 '02
8:25 am PDT
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Re: Yhew! (Reply to this comment)
by JAMES23
It could be worse Tom. Remember I've since been to places where they have no toilet paper.
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Oct 25 '02
1:21 pm PDT
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Re: Ahhh, Crap! (Reply to this comment)
by JAMES23
Ada, actually I spent most of my career as a"light" infantry type equipped only with LPC's (Leather Personnel Carriers) so the chance to drive anywhere was a novelty. I only got to play with again M-113's later in life when the Platoon I had was equipped with them briefly to train a bunch of young officers from our military college on their Platoon Commander's Course.
Anyway you should have sen what the government bought to replace the "tracks."
We had two 577s in the mech battalion I was with on that Reforger. The CO had one, used to chew out junior officers who wandered off on FTX, and the mortar platoon had the other. I spent half of that ex with the mortar platoon, so I'm more than familiar with the "camper."
James
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Oct 25 '02
1:20 pm PDT
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Re: You ever heard the phrase (Reply to this comment)
by JAMES23
Woodstock eh. C'mon Jude tell all.
BTW what life changing experience......oh yeah that life changing experience. Thanks.
James
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Oct 25 '02
1:13 pm PDT
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Yhew! (Reply to this comment)
by 4-1-1
What a story.
As to German toilet paper: the Germans are masters of efficiency. German toilet paper is sandpaper rough... and, I believe, the design has a purpose. Users will want to perform wiping with only a sheet or two instead of a meter of the stuff, like Americans seem to use. By designing the toilet paper using recycled paper and pulp, Germans are saving natural resources and saving money on, er, disposables.
M'god... the ladies in my house (wife, two daughters) go through about four rolls of TP per day. If I were to substite German TP for that pillowy, quilted stuff... I'd probably get booted out of the house.
Thanks for the laugh.
Tom / 4-1-1
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Oct 25 '02
12:35 pm PDT
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Ahhh, Crap! (Reply to this comment)
by AdaDavis
Everything requires paperwork, doesn't it? {snicker} Loved this!
If it makes you feel any better about your crappy (no pun intended) experience with M113s... In 1980 I was at Fort Riley, KS. 1st Brigade, 1st Infantry Div, and my "transportation of choice" was a 577 command track (a 113 with a camper on top, so to speak.) All well and good, except that the previous year said 577 had spent 2 days upside down in the mud, under 10 feet of water. After hauling her out and hosing out the mud, they so kindly gave her to me. (Gee, thanks.) Not saying there was a problem with the electrical systems or anything, but anytime there was a power spike from the generator, Bessie tended to blow all her light bulbs in protest. If we were lucky, they just blew out and had to be replaced. In a couple of instances, they literally "blew" into a million shards of glass. It happened once when I was sleeping on top. Fortunately, my night crew was working on a map just outside the track. We actually looked forward to REFORGER, since we got a track out of stores in Germany, and it generally didn't try to slice and dice us while we used it.
And I'm not gonna get into the subject of field latrines. Most of the stories are not fit for polite company, in any case. Of course, there was the time that the Blue Army (us) had a "designated grove of trees", unaware that there was a Red Army unit on the opposite side, that had somehow decided to use the same grove of trees... (Remember the old song - Strangers in the night, exchanging glances.. ) But I must say that your little misadventure tops them all!
Ada
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Oct 25 '02
11:34 am PDT
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You ever heard the phrase (Reply to this comment)
by artbyjude
I was so glad to see you that I could just sh*t? Well I think it applies here!
What a fantastic contribution to this fun celebration, one that Mom will appreciate beyond measure. She is quite protective of her toilet tissue, though, so don't I don't expect she will be sending a roll your way.
James. I just loved this story and your very entertaining way of telling it. I doubt that I would have even survived in such a situation, never liking Euchre, or digging holes to unburden myself in a field...although I have a Woodstock story I could tell you that feels a bit like this one.
I am delighted that you found time to participate. And congratulations on your recent life-changing events!
Jude
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Oct 25 '02
10:46 am PDT
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Re: Dawg James! (Reply to this comment)
by JAMES23
But it was there Lynne. Actually it was on the rifle barrel. It just kind of fell off and I really didn't feel like going back for it. Yes I did have to do the necessary paperwork to report it lost before they'd give us another roll too.
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Oct 25 '02
10:06 am PDT
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Dawg James! (Reply to this comment)
by Hypotenuse
I'm dieing over here. Think I sprained something. That was wonderful.
Suggestion though.
Slide the toilet paper roll over the shovel handle next time you decide not to play cards. Easier to carry it that way.
Lynne
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Oct 25 '02
9:34 am PDT
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