I CONFESS that I've been CHEATING on my HUSBAND since DAY ONE!Nov 17 '02 Write an essay on this topic.
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The Bottom Line I need helpful feedback that will enable me to stop my sordid resort to cheating on my husband.
I hate to air my dirty laundry in public, but… I confess I’ve been cheating on my husband…. since day ONE! I never intended this to happen. I am so consumed with guilt, and it is gnawing away at me, …and the worst part is, I’m pretty sure he has caught me in the act several times! He hasn't said as much; he doesn’t have to! The hurt look on his face and his silent disapproval speak volumes and leave me resolved to never let it happen again. And yet, whenever I find myself enveloped, and almost cheek to cheek, my resolve melts away,.... and I am driven once again to cheat on my husband. These urges that drive me are so strong ; I simply don’t have the willpower to resist. It’s an addiction; it's on a daily basis, sometimes more than once, and I’m tired of living in shame over it. I sneak around and hide evidence; hoping all along that he won’t notice. But I know he suspects; I know he looks the other way. Or is that my conscience berating me? I hate being such a disappointment to this man; I do love him in spite of my unfaithfulness! I’ve always heard that sometimes when one spouse knows the other is cheating, that they do look the other way; if they admit to themself that they know, they have to confront the issue. I hate conflict; I dread the confrontation that I know is coming. I wonder, are there those of you out in ePinionland who have ever dealt with this intimate and sordid little issue before? If so, did you manage to come clean? Is it possible to work things out? This is my second marriage, and I do so want this one to work. Maybe you'll think I have good reason...so, I guess if I’m to expect some compassion in understanding why I cheat, and hopefully, receive your input and advice…I need to confess all: We are newlyweds of slightly over one year. Not young newlyweds, mind you....we’re both in our early 50’s. So it’s not as though we’re naïve! We’ve both been around the track a time or two before. In fact, my first, and only other saunter around the track, lasted almost 29 years! I know that relationships such as ours that involve EX spouses, and children from the same... do often bring excess baggage to the marriage that can lead it to falter, and often fail. We expected that, and have dealt with it accordingly. No biggie! Of course, it helps that the children are all grown and gone, and so we don't have to deal with too many of the problems a younger couple might! I guess a greater adjustment has been the real life baggage we both brought to the marriage. You know, the MY junk vs HIS junk! And where are we going to put it all? We combined two households at a time in our lives when we each have a half-century of possessions, with which neither wanted to part. Nor does either of us understand WHY the other wants what junk they have! He thinks I have too many clothes, shoes, dolls, and other collectibles. I think he has too many guns, hunting clothes, sports equipment, etc. Closet space is grudgingly granted to each other. We've brought out tape measures before just to keep things fair! We’ve had to compromise on more than closet space though! Cause by the time you’re 50 years old, you are very set in your way of doing things, as well as the products and specific brands you use. You have both lived a different lifestyle....somewhat similar in most cases, but still... different! We found we were both very opinionated on some things that we did differently. We often find ourselves in debate over whose way is the correct way. And surprisingly, at one time or another, we’ve both found that the other did have a better way of doing something, so we’ve been, for the most part, adaptable, and appreciative of finding a better way. Sometimes, the standoff involved a particular brand name or unfamiliar product to one of us. Well…there's been give and take on both parts, and in those categories, we've agreed that it resulted in betterment on both sides. Sometimes, even old dogs can learn new tricks! Some switch-a-roos of "out with the old, and in with the new" worked out almost as well as getting rid of our EX’s and finding each other has! (chuckle)... We did bring some happy changes to each other’s lives. Some instances: HE hated my Springwall Chiropractic mattress in the beginning, but has since found that his back no longer hurts like it did when he slept on his old one. Now he touts this brand, and could make a good commission if he ever wanted to moonlight! HE had never used a WaterPik dental hygiene appliance before he tried mine, and now it’s a hygiene ritual he wouldn’t forego. And I….. Well, I.... Okay…..I’m trying real hard to think of an instance where HIS way was BETTER than MINE. I’m thinking….! Give me a minute….I know there has to be SOMETHING! Oh, yes! Right! I liked the brand of deodorant that he used better than the one I had used in the past, and I switched! See….I’m a big enough person to try new things and admit it when it’s better than my old way. Now that you know some of the little problems we’ve manage to iron out in our new relationship, I’m prepared to confess the one we haven’t made it past, and it’s the one that has lead to my unfaithfulness. I should mention that if sordid details bother you, perhaps you should not read on. Ok...I warned you! It’s an intimate bathroom issue… ...okay, here goes: I’ve ALWAYS used a fresh, clean towel for each bath. In the event I should bathe more than once that day, I use a fresh, clean towel and fresh, clean washcloth each time. And so I started out by providing the same for him. As soon as he finished in the bathroom, I tossed his used, damp, dirty towel and wet washcloth in the appropriate laundry basket for that type of dirty stuff. I'd then proceed to tidy up the bathroom after him. And this drives him crazy! He claims it is not necessary to use clean linens each time. He insists that it is a waste of laundry soap, water, electricity, wear and tear on appliances, and thinks I spend excessive time doing too much washing, drying, folding and putting away laundry. His way has always been to hang the towel to dry over the shower rod, and reuse it several times. He wants me to do the same. I just can’t bring myself to do it! And God knows I’ve tried. But every time I pick up the towel that I previously used, I hold it a moment,.... bring it almost to my naked wet body, and then stop and think to myself, “But(t)! Which END did I use on which END last time?” And maybe that should have been the title of this piece: “But(t)! Which END did I use on which END last time?” It just doesn’t seem sanitary to me that you may be drying the cheeks of your face with the same area of the towel with which you last dried your cheeks south of your waistline...or even lower! Get my drift? And doesn’t bacteria grow on wet things? That bothers ME! And the wet towel thrown over the shower curtain rod? That bothers me too! And besides, who wants a guest to see wet laundry draped over the shower rod? I just think it’s improper. I have a beautiful brocade shower curtain, and I like to have it completely drawn closed! It makes for a neat and tidy bathroom. So, he’s driven me to cheat. I have from day one. I throw his wet towel in the laundry as soon as he leaves for work, and pull the shower curtain closed. If it’s the weekend, I do the same as soon as he’s out of the bathroom. If he notices and questions, I say that I had a full load of towels and other things to do anyway, so I just tossed his in for good measure. He knows that’s not quite true. But he’s driven me to cheat. Am I wrong? Did my mother add to the obsessive compulsiveness I admit to having, by instilling this particular grooming trait at some point during my childhood years? Are we the only couple with this particular problem? So how about it? Do you use a fresh towel each time? Or do you not have a problem with reusing the towel for several bathes? Is this my character flaw alone? Anyone out there in ePinionland care to air their dirty laundry by commenting on how this sordid issue is dealt with in your home? If so,...Help! Please step forward and assure me. This burden of guilt and shame is too heavy to carry alone. I'm so weary.....but,....wait,...! He's gone right now! I have to hurry and do a load of laundry before he returns! Connie  |
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