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Re: Re: Just finished part 4 (Reply to this comment)
by millinocket
Actually, that does make sense. The apartment being the link for all three stories, it only makes sense that you have to end the story with the only person left there. I get it!
Sue (good characters and good story, who says that isn't literary genius?)
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Dec 02 '02
9:39 am PST
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Re: Just finished part 4 (Reply to this comment)
by DavidMac
Nah, I don't think you missed anything with the end...... I just didn't know how to end it. Anna thought that she'd be happy now that she was alone, but clearly, she isn't... clearly there's something greater than that, but what it is, isn't quite clear. She is obviously stressed out, but she clearly has to do something else to make herself better. I know that it doesn't quite jibe with the rest since April's really the central character, but I was trying to experiment by having all the action take place in the apartment, and so I didn't want to leave the place with April. Anna was the only one left, so I knew all I could do was finish HER story! Maybe that's not a good answer, but I'm not a literary genius.
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Dec 02 '02
5:48 am PST
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Just finished part 4 (Reply to this comment)
by millinocket
Hey David! Just finished your story and figured I would just leave all my comments here and take up all your comment space!!
First off, I really liked the story. The sex scenes were appropriate, especially considering how that relationship played out. I really liked the twist of April's poor body image coming back to haunt her. A very original take on the subject of a thin obsessed culture. I also liked that she had the guts, despite her insecurities, to tell Fred to go to hell. Good for her! You expressed doubts about that emotional transition, but I thought it worked very well.
The only place you lost me was at the very end. I wasn't sure what the last bit with Anna freaking out was telling us. Is it a jumping off point for another story, or did I miss something? A good read!
Sue
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Dec 01 '02
9:24 pm PST
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Re: As your own characters (Reply to this comment)
by DavidMac
Well thank you. It's always good to receive these comments; at least I know that writing wasn't a total waste! I think I was more worried about whether the female characters were convincing... I gave April some doubts and issues about her looks and her body, and I was worried that I wasn't able to pull the whole thing off without making it look stupid or stereotypical. thanks
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Dec 01 '02
7:32 am PST
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As your own characters (Reply to this comment)
by jo.com
I don't blame you for your insecurities but they are unjustified. I'm certainly not in a position to be a critic here, but I think this 4 part story is excellent. It works well, has some really important themes, will hit home with most people on some level and is well written. Nice job..keep writing. jo
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Dec 01 '02
6:53 am PST
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Re: Nice slice of life (Reply to this comment)
by DavidMac
Hi. Why thank you! Obviously, you didn't find it too racy or raunchy, at all! haha It's always nice to get positive comments on my fiction.... it's definitlely more of a challenge than a mundane review of some obscure film.
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Nov 30 '02
12:20 pm PST
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Nice slice of life (Reply to this comment)
by AliventiAsylum
of three very different people, especially the ladies. I really enjoyed reading it.
Patti
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Nov 30 '02
11:49 am PST
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