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Debbie, oh Debbie..... (Reply to this comment)
by iwannagrowup2b
isn't it great that we can be loving parents ourselves when we were never loved as children?
I have a similar story.
My father recently passed; my sister and I had been victims of abuse by him for so long.....and my mother knew, and did nothing to stop it. We, too, were blamed for their unhappiness.
We were never loved or shown affection, or nurturing, and how we yearned for it!
My brothers were not physically, emotionally, or sexually abused....but I can see now, that they suffer from the way we were raised, even if one brother still doesn't see it.
My sister and I stepped forward with the truth about 18 years ago, to protect a niece just born into a family of all grandsons
Well, all boys...except my daughter, and I knew to keep her away from him. She cried because she felt like she had no grandparents when everyone else she knew did! My ex's parents were never there for her either.
And we were called liars when we called the sibling meeting....by our brothers. The brother who had the daughter we were trying to protect, continued to allow his daughter to be around our dad.
We were grown women, and no one believed us.....is it any wonder that a child has trouble believing that someone will believe them if they tell? My teachers were members of my church....and everyone respected my Dad! I felt I had no where to turn....and did not realize it was happening to my sister when it started. (She's 5 years younger.)
Had I told; maybe she would have been spared. We confided in each other when we were in our 20's, married with children.
My father finally admitted his actions about 5 years ago. Or at least some of them....surface ones. But no where near the whole horrible truth. And no where near the number of victims we knew, or the ones we suspected, who wouldn't admit he had molested them. A cousin 9 years older than me, had admitted it to me years ago, but when questioned by my mother simply said, "I don't want to talk about it."
Our whole lives, no one talked about it. The word "sex" was a no-no in our home; we were not even allowed to walk around in our pajamas! If a tornado warning was imminent( North Texas), we were made to wake in the middle of the night and dress completely! Heaven forbid we should be killed in a tornado wearing pajamas. Everything so hush-hush....so moral...so.....so SICK! At least the truth of what was really happening in our house was! We were being raised by very ill parents!
My sister and I are both such outgoing warm, loving people.....and would fight like a tigress if anyone tried to harm a single hair on our own children's head. I'm sure that you are the same way. I don't know how we are; I don't know how we know to be. I only know that the whole time it was happening to me, I longed for a daughter....a little girl...to hold, and love, and protect, and treat the way little girls should be. I knew it could be that way; I knew it wasn't a fairy tale that little girls got treated that way....I just wished I'd been born into a household where they were.
How this happens, I do not know. We did not learn by example. They set an excellent example of what parents SHOULD NOT be. And....in our case, hid behind religion to do so. For this reason, even today, I worship at home and in my heart....and have problems being in a church. I love the word of God, and gospel music; my Baptist hymnal is well worn, and I still sing praises and pray just as I did in church. But when the music starts in church, I sometimes have panic attacks and have to leave. So I don't put myself through that.
You still love them, because they are your parents; you grieve long before they pass from this life,...you grieve because they were not the parents you needed in life.
When they pass, it is a closed chapter....but you still search for answers of "why".
I am so glad that you are the person you are in spite of your parents. I am as proud of you, as I am of my sister....and myself.
Connie
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Jan 07 '03
6:07 pm PST
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re: I'm thankful...... (Reply to this comment)
by cntaur5
I'm thankful that you made it, and you are able to tell your story. As a former Child Abuse Investigator, I witnessed scene's from your life, only it's told on the face of countless other children. Fortunately, you had a Grandfather that was there for you.
cntaur5
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Nov 25 '02
3:27 pm PST
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