I know that Sock has got a hole. But I like it.
Dec 10 '02
The Bottom Line One should not ask what you can do for your socks. You should ask what your socks can do for you.
So now Epinions in their infinite wisdom has decided to re-open the "How To Choose Socks" category. I don't know what motivated that decision be it member nostalgia or consumer demands for a re-opened socks category. Nevertheless I decided I might as well jump in and lay down my wisdom on the topic of socks before this category gets closed again.
Throughout history, Socks have always been the one part of footwear that has commonly been taken for granted. Perhaps I need to be specific here in that I am referring primarily to men's footwear. Most of the people who buy socks are generally men as well as some women, women who don't wear pantyhose. Many of us would probably prefer to slip on a pair of loafers, yet more often than not our work dictates a necessity for good shoes and thus socks are necessary unless you want to impress your co-workers with "Stinky Feet Perfume".
So yes, the sock is one part of daily apparel that is considered to be not quite essential. In order to change that perception we need to look at some famous sock wearers throughout history.
One of our most famous sock wearers is also the father of our country. George Washington knew that socks were an essential piece of our daily apparel, yet he always encountered a problem when trying to put them on. Before I continue let me do a brief survey. How many of you readers actually put the other sock on your lap when you go to put one on? Or do you hold it in your teeth? More often than not, Washington went for the latter and when it came time to put the other sock on, he would unpleasantly discover that the upper part of the sock had splinters in it on account of his teeth.
Now I know most of you don't have that problem. But if you keep grasping one sock between your teeth while putting the other one on here's a suggestion: Try putting the sock on your nose or on top of your head. That will save the top of the sock from winding up with teeth marks in it.
Other famous sock wearers include Napoleon Bonaparte and Louis XVI. Napoleon was a daily sock wearer until it came time to pack for his invasion of Russia and he only stuffed one pair in. That caused him to wind up with severe frostbite and made him especially cranky. That in turn led to his defeat.
Actually Louis XVI is more famous for his shoes and his wife is famous for the socks. In fact, she bought so many socks that the rest of the people of France had none for their own feet. When they came by the Palace to complain she retorted "Let Em Wear Sandals". That ultimately cost Ms. Antoinette her head.
So by now I'm sure most of you are asking, "What does all this history have to do with us? What should we know about Socks today?" Hold on to your socks because I'm coming to the answer.
Each year millions of Americans pay way too much of their hard-earned money to the IRS. However, the IRS often allows people to deduct charitable donations from their tax payments. So socks can be a charitable form of donation if donated to the right people. So in lieu of paying huge amounts of taxes, we should donate socks as a tax write-off.
To figure how many socks you should donate to the IRS take the total amount of taxes you paid this year. If President Bush leaves the rate as it currently is, your total payment for next year will most likely come out to be the same amount you paid this year plus the amount you got back as part of this year's tax cut. Then once you have deducted the breaks you got for any charitable contributions, take the final amount and multiply it by the amount of worn out socks in your possession. (In order to qualify as worn-out, a sock must have at least a tiny hole in it. If you feel you don't have enough, a knife will do nicely for making small holes in new pairs of socks and dumping them in dirt outside will help them wear down faster.) That final amount is the amount of worn-out socks you will need to send to the IRS in lieu of sending money. This should save you quite a bit of money per year.
So that sums up the most important part of this essay: the fact that one should not ask what you can do for your socks. You should ask what your socks can do for you.
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Epinions.com ID:
jeff_wilder78
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Member: Jeff Wilder
Location: Sunrise Florida USA
Reviews written: 853
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About Me:
The Sage Of Sunrise Florida.
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