Ho, ho, ho! No lube for you, Damien!


Dec 24, 2002 (Updated Dec 24, 2003)


The Bottom Line Shut up and do exactly as you are told.

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the site
Everyone was epining, which is goodly and right
NH ratings were hung on the newbies and dregs,
In hopes of bright, shiny Advisorship tags.

Helpful comments were left for the gals and the lads
Wanting more information, in fact, SCADS and SCADS!
“Add more data, then mail me,” the Advisors fussed,
“Ingredients lists, of course, are a must!”

“Please describe the bathrooms in your travel review.
How much toilet paper? The wall’s texture and hue?
Then when you are done, if I deign to return,
I shall grant you good rating, and in Hell you shan’t burn.”

The nifty blue buttons often failed to impress
The objects of the Advisors’ redress.
It seemed an empty thing to the unwashed masses
And inspired them to emit noxious gases.

When the air had cleared, the cliques still stood strong
And gathered to rate down those who were “wrong”
They clicked and they clicked, sinking those who were naughty
If accused of collusion, they’d get smarmy and haughty.

Get on Nate! And on Curtis!
Sink Imokliel and Brett!
Crush the newbies and veterans
Who dare to be different!
The pack-traveling herd
Grazed in meadows so lush
In secluded hideaways
They connived to crush.

As dry words flowed freely and comment wars flamed
The sites many probs on the rebels were blamed
And the fingers were pointed at those with strange lusts
Jo.com dreamed of lawsuits and continental breakfasts.

And then, in an instant, there arose pounds of bile
A ticket slapped down on Damien’s profile.
Lobstergirl, then me, now the anti-advisor?
Slapped down by abuse reports from those who are wiser?

In all fairness, he is a provocative prick
And he often eats yak balls skewered on a stick.
But his writing is better than most on this site
And the abuse report, certainly, was filed with much spite.

The “abuse” reporter – how his eyes they did twinkle!
Power grasped in his hands, along with his dinkle.
If you cross the mighty, if you inspire their ire
The consequences, for you, will be dire.
For the good of the site? What a farce! Please get real!
For the sake of vengeance, it was filed with much zeal!
He’s punished for his attitude, not for what he wrote
An arrogant punk makes a dandy scapegoat!

So put ice on your nipples, and tape it in place
Don’t write anything goofy, dirty, or base
For the eyes of the righteous stay focused on you
Judging each word you speak, every thing that you do.

‘Mokie can’t speak a word, he’s silenced as can be
As some gloating bastard watches on with much glee
The review was NH, deemed by many unclean
By the scads-cravin’ consumer, it can’t be seen.

For this invisible piece, his account Eps did shunt
Giving hope to the fools who delight in the hunt.
So be sure to conform, bend and sway for the brass

If you don’t, rest assured, they will spank your bad ass!
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Merry Christmas to everyone but Imokliel!

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