Impertinent Thoughts on the BAD of 2002 (Steal This Music Review W/O Part 2)Dec 28 '02 Write an essay on this topic.The Bottom Line And that's the bottom line, if ya smell, what the King of Rock is cooking! While 2002 saw an abundance of good things, there was also quite a bit of bad. In fact, when one comes right down to it, 2002 will go down as possibly more disappointing than joyous. Between the deaths, wackos, awful lawsuits, and awful bands, I don't know if we'll ever see a worse year in terms of the bad. Worst Act/Live Act/Album/Most Overhyped Act that Didn't Deserve It And the winner is: The Vines! Between their pointless album, their inability to successfully finish even a 45 minute set without self destructing, and their horribly derivative music, there is no worse act in any way, shape or form in the rock music world today. I'd rather listen to Creed. The punishment for the Vines is that Craig Nicholls has to have his voice box ripped out by Dave Grohl so that he can never annoy any of us again. Some of the other bands that deserve to be reamed: The Hives: I'm sorry, but the whole "garage rock" thing was so overhyped, and these guys were just part of it. They may be great live, but their album sucked. In order to be "my new favourite band" you have to wow me. These guys just didn't do it. The punishment? Their lead singer gets kicked in the nuts by Mick Jagger for aping him so bad you'd think he was the lead singer for a Rolling Stones cover band. New Found Glory: After their awesome self titled effort, I had high hopes for this year's follow up, Sticks and Stones. Instead, they gave me an album that left me scratching my head and wondering why they upped the whining to a whole new level. I'll punish them by forcing them to listen to Metallica's Kill Em All album, so that maybe, just maybe, they'll grow some testicles. Good Charlotte: After hearing about how "good" this band was, I went out and bought their self titled release in the first quarter of this year. It sucked. They then went on to be on MTV every waking moment and made another horrible album. Their punishment? Banishment from MTV, MTV2, radio (both college and mainstream), and the Warped Tour for life. Linkin Park: When this band wasn't completely annoying the hell out of me with their Beavis imitations, they were putting out a remix album that brought new meaning to the word "pointless." What is the point of remixing songs that already suck in the first place anyway? Their punishment? Oh that's easy. Beavis gets to cut off Beavis boy's "tweeter." Huh huh huh, that's cool. :) Kate Hudson: Yeah, I know. Some of you are thinking that she's not a musical artist. And you're right. But she did for all intents and purposes break up one of the best pure rock acts of the last 15 years, The Black Crowes. There can only be one punishment. Death at the hands of Rich Robinson, Steve Gorman (come back Steve!), and crazy old Ed Harsch. Hmmmm, maybe Audley Freed can help out too. Coldplay: When you talk of overhyped bands, Coldplay has to be near the top of the list both this year AND last year. I find them to be boring, uninspiring, and just plain BAD. I mean, honestly, if I want to be bored into a deep sleep, I'll put on some Yanni or something. Their punishment is a lesson in "power chords 101" by Creed's Mark Tremonti. Most Annoying Song of the Year The winner is: Dirty Vegas' Days Go By. When something like this becomes a hit, it makes me yearn for the days of The Spice Girls, where I could at least sing along in an annoying voice in full parody. But this? I can't do anything with this song. I hear it and my annoyance level goes up even further than it does when I hear ANY Vines song. Runners up: Any B2K song, Gimme the Light by Sean Paul (I mean honestly, did we REALLY need another Shaggy?), No Such Thing by John Mayer (wow does this song GRATE on me), Hot in Herre by Nelly (odd since I usually love his singles), anything by or "featuring" Ja Rule, and I'm sure there's more but I'm drawing a complete blank right now. Overplayed Songs/Artists of the Year Let's see. There's both Nickelback songs, although How You Remind Me was by far the worst offender. There's Nelly with Hot in Herre and John Mayer with both of his singles. Let's not forget The Hives and their one hit. And of course, for the 8th straight year running, the most overplayed artist remains Nirvana and their entire catalog of radio hits, which was only made somewhat bearable this year because we got a "new" song from them. Album That Bombed That Helped Reaffirm My Faith in The Record Buying Public Moby's disc bombing was just awesome. No really it was. Jackass of the Year Award Michael Jackson. What a doofus. I mean honestly, his nose looks like it could sprout legs and run away on it's own anytime soon now. Then there was danglebabygate. And his ridiculous protests against his record company (how DARE you only spend $30 million to market my awful record!). No, there is no bigger jackass than Jacko. Song I Know I Shouldn't Like But Can't Help Liking Beautiful by Christina Aguilera. Worst Trends of the Year 1. Garage Rock: You know, if I want to listen to songs that sound like The Velvet Underground or any of those other great late 60s, early 70s bands, maybe I'll just listen to The Velvet Underground. What a bunch of cockamamie, overrated bands this whole movement has produced. 2. Hot Topic Clothing: There is seriously NOTHING more retarded than seeing some dude at a punk show with those fake spikes on his back, arms and boots. Hot Topic has helped make "punk" chic, and for that, they should be forced to stop selling the retarded punk clothes and stick to their cool nostalgic 80s T shirts and Spongebob Squarepants paraphernalia. 3. The Return of the Groupie: Thanks to bands such as Disturbed, the groupie lives again. Of course, that moron Dave Draiman (and others) say they want to sing about more serious things than say, Poison did, but they still treat women with utter disrespect. The interviews I've heard with these guys makes you wonder what ANY woman (or man for that matter) could like about them. 4. Musicians Who Shouldn't Take Their Shirts Off Do: I didn't need to see a shirtless Keith Richards on the cover of Rolling Stone thank you very much. And that bassist from New Found Glory should be beaten severely everytime he appears without a shirt. It was funny the first time, but now it's just nauseating. Put your shirt on ya fat goof. Worst Video of the Year This was easy. Christina Aguilera featuring Redman, and her song Dirrty. What the hell WAS that all about anyways? Everyone calls her a skank, so she dresses even MORE like a skank, and for what? To show those people up? Give me a break. Artist Who Most Needs To Get His A*s Kicked and Get Laid: Chris Carraba, AKA, Dashboard Confessional. What a whiny b*tch. He REALLY needs to get laid. And then, he REALLY needs to not whine about how it wasn't about love. And then, AC/DC needs to f*ck him up in a lesson about mocking that band's great logo on Dashboard's bass drum. Dashboard Confessional mocking AC/DC, that would be like The Vines ripping off Nirvana... 7 People We'll Really Miss 1. John Entwistle 2. Joe Strummer 3. Layne Staley 4. Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes 5. Timothy White 6. Dee Dee Ramone 7. Jam Master Jay To those, and everyone else who died in 2002 and left a void which will never be replaced, R.I.P. The other participants: Lambchops KCFoxy Boffie Brotherman Cartman2k Cletta1201 Deaser26 Dedemw Dr.Faustus Ekidd911 Guildenstern Hierograffiti Jeff_Wilder78 Kristinafh Madtheory MattA75 PacmanY2J Paulyoungotti Speeddemon531 Stairway2Drew TheUnknown285* and our host, thevoid99  |
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