Worst Of 2002: The Cream Of The Crap! [Steal This Music Review! W/O]Jan 01 '03 Write an essay on this topic.The Bottom Line The things I've listed below suck, and so does the bottom line on General Music Reviews. In 2002 there were a lot of great artists released stellar albums and there were a lot of joyous moments in that year as well. But there were also some artists who tried to destroy music with vile albums, songs and by simply looking repulsive. Here’s the second part of the Steal This Music Review! W/O, hosted by our beloved TheVoid99; the worst music of 2002: I would rather eat dung than listen to these repulsive albums again : 1. Ja Rule – The Last Temptation 2. O-Town – O2 3. Jennifer Lopez – This is me... then 4. Nelly – Nellyville 5. Las Ketchup – Las Hijas Del Tomate The worst album this year is hands down Jennifer Lopez with This is me... Then, an album filled with cacophonous macabre rubbish. Her voice is as thin as extremely little butter spread over the largest bread roll in the world. Her songs ooze with a stench you will soon forget, and.. well.. almost everything is awful about it. O-Town needs to understand that they can’t sing, and their attempt at trying to sound grown up make them sound like a couple of immature snotty brats. Ja Rule is awful whatever he tries to do, and he should understand that he is seriously traumatizing people all over the world with that awful material he has. Las Ketchup can go back home to Spain, and understand that although they had one hit ( The Ketchup Song, a horrible Macarena-ish song), they do not need to make a whole lot of new songs which are even worse than that one. Nelly is not really that bad, and I must admit that I do like Dilemma, but is it just me or does the entire Nellyville album sound like one very, very long song? Uterus or no uterus; I would rather have a hysterectomy than having to listen to these songs again: 1. Las Ketchup – Asereje (The Ketchup Song) 2. Cher – Love So High 3. Atomic Kitten – Tide Is High 4. Britney Spears feat. Pharell Williams - Boys 5. Avril Lavigne – Nobody’s Fool One of the most popular songs in Europe this year, Asereje from Las Ketchup is also the worst song I’ve heard this year. The three Spanish girls from Cordoba do not know how to sing, the lyrics are the worst gibberish I’ve ever heard, production is horrid and the dance is even worse than the Macarena. Britney Spears and her remix of the song Boys totally doesn’t work. The original is bad enough, but it just sounds even sleazier here. Pharell Williams (a.k.a. N.E.R.D) is okay, but isn’t enough to save the song from being one of the big bloopers this year. Atomic Kitten released a cover of Tide Is High. The production is the cheesiest I’ve heard this year, and the girls don’t even try to do anything original with the song; the result is the worst pop song this year. Cher came back with the follow-up to the success album Believe, and it ended up being a total flop. The album sounds like a huge nasty howler. The lowest point is Love So High, not a lot more gruesome than the other songs, but still the worst song there. And what on earth am I doing placing Avril Lavigne on my list? I love Avril, and I think she’s a great artist, but she made a huge mistake putting Nobody’s Fool on her album. She tries to rap and it ends up sounding just as cacophonous as most of the stuff Jennifer Lopez has. Those People Who Can’t Dress (Or Don’t Dress) 1. Christina Aguilera 2. Britney Spears 3. Michael Jackson 4. Elton John 5. Vanessa Carlton I’ve never seen anything more awful than most of the outfits Christina Aguilera are wearing. Get a grip woman, and understand that if you cut down on your sluttish make up and put on some decent clothes (eh.. just seeing you wear clothes at all will be good enough for me) people would take you more seriously. The definite low was when she posed almost nude in Rolling Stone. The woman sure can sing, but she’s got a long way to go before she looks decent. Britney Spears keeps up the trend of looking strange and following trends that are extremely freaky. No Britney, you do not look hot in leather and lace, go put some clothes on. Vanessa Carlton is on the list because of the way she looked in parts of her video Pretty Baby. She’s 22 years old, but in the video she looks like she’s hit the midlife crisis. Go back to the way you looked in Ordinary Day and A Thousand Miles, Vanessa babe. And please, sweetie, do something about your bangs, they’re like so yesterday if you didn’t know that. Elton John always looks awful. Yes, he is one of the most original and colorful men out there, but it totally doesn’t work. Use one-colored, plain outfits Elton, and please do not use pink and purple. They don’t look good on you. Last one is Michael Jackson, need I explain why he’s on the list? Not only does he look awful all of the time, but using the umbrella in sunshine is a total fashion no-no. People/Bands Who Need To Go Back To the Block to Retire Or Take a Very Long Break 1. Jennifer Lopez 2. Celine Dion 3. Cher 4. Michael Bolton 5. Def Leppard Jennifer Lopez has bothered us long enough; it’s time that she went back to the pretty little block she came from and stay there for good. Celine Dion is still enjoying her own music immensely, which is obvious in all of her videos; she can go home to Canada until she realizes that she would sound a whole lot better if she only stopped being so damn narcissistic. Cher needs to take off her awful wigs and stop thinking she’s better than Madonna and Kylie at making dance music. Cher honey, you look like a pig and you’re grunting just like one as well. Go home and stop bothering us for ever and ever. Michael Bolton is even worse than Jennifer Lopez; his songs are oozing with so much love that the odor is unbearable. My olfactory nerve and tympanic membrane will be severely damaged if you don’t remove yourself from the spotlight forever. If you don’t remove yourself, I’ll do it for you. Def Leppard, you are just like annoying barking poodles, you sing without having any meaning, and even though people want you to stop it, you don’t get it. Retire now, before you embarrass yourselves even more. If you’re not willing to do that, I’ll send my men on you and put lye in your drinks. The Loser Of The Year is definitely Michael Jackson. The man just keeps on getting sicker and sicker, this year he topped it all by thinking he had won an award for “Artist Of The Millennium” and that whole baby-dangling episode. He was also bitten by a radioactive spider which paralyzed him, and now he looks like Spiderman 50 years after his death. Oh, and then there’s the fact that he no longer has a nose and that plastic nose thingy has three nostrils and his body is rotting. Have I forgotten anything? Deaths Of Many Famous Musicians Jam Master Jay Lisa ”Left-Eye” Lopes Joe Strummer John Entwistle Mary Hansen Well, that’s the worst of 2002. I absolutely hope that you stay away from the albums I mentioned and the songs as well. If you want to know which other songs and artists you need to keep a distance from, check out the other people that have participated in this write off. This was the second part in the trilogy. In the first one we took a look at the best music of 2002, and stay tuned for the third one where we will take a look at the best Epinions writers and reviews of 2002. kcfoxy lambchops boffie brotherman cartman_2k (C’est moi) cletta1201 deaser26 dedemw drfaustus ekidd911 guildenstern hierograffiti jeff_wilder78 kristinafh madtheory matta75 pacmany2j paulyoungotti stairway2drew speeddemon531 theunknown285 thevoid99 Thanks for reading! ~Kent  |
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