How does a toothache feel?
Jan 11 '03
The Bottom Line Caution: May be unbearable to readers with previous or present tooth pain.
How does a toothache feel?
I had a toothache last week and I was so worried I would die. After that worry went away, I became very worried that I wouldn't die.
I went to the dentist. I hate the dentist. Any dentist, no one specifically. I think that dentists have psychological problems and they like to inflict intense pain on people for reasons of their own. I find them demented, so I visit them as little as possible. Given this is probably the reason for the toothache in the first place, I shouldn't rant and rave.
He decided I that the tooth, which was raging and screaming in my mouth like a teenaged hormone on ritalin, had to be removed. So..out comes the freezing gadget that looks like a medieval torture device with the butt end of scissors and a needle the size of the top of the Eiffel Tower.
Yeah. Oh boy.
"What about gas?" I pleaded. Mr. Hate-Filled-Evil-Hurt-Man put his head back and laughed. "I don't fart around with gas, it takes too long to get my patients out of here that way!" But..I like the gas...
I couldn't tell him this because he had his entire arm in my mouth sticking the 8 foot needle in the sides of my cheeks and the roof of my mouth and my gums and I was squirming all over the place like a worm in convulsions...and then...the pain stopped.
He started to pull. Dr. Edward Grabbytooth had his foot on the bottom of the stool I was sitting on and he pulled and he pulled and he grunted and groaned while I squirmed...and my fiancee kept asking me "OH MY GOD ARE YOU ALRIGHT???"...like I could answer him. (Men are so ridiculous..wait til he sees me give birth..anyway...)
POP!!!!! The tooth was out. The torture specialist gave me some Tylenol 3s and told me to go home and put ice on my face.
I thought the ordeal was over. But, turns out the monsterous, hateful $$#&*&!!! dentist forgot one thing. He pulled an infected tooth and didn't give me antibiotics.. and hence, the infection has now spread to the rest of my puffed up, cabbage-patched looking face. I know he did that on purpose so he could sleep at night feeling completely satisfied that someone in the world he's come in contact with is in misery.
I have an abscess now. Let me tell you what an abscess feels like. Imagine someone taking a giant needle filled with cement and inserting it into the side of your face. Imagine that person slowly squeezing the needle..over like a 48 hour period, only to fill your face full of cement and make your right eye obviously close tightly because there is too much cement in your face. That cement goes in pretty rough, but then hardens over the two-day time period and breaks every blood vessel and nerve in your face. The nerves rip apart like ripping veins out of your arms and legs...while you're awake..
Now, imagine a marching band at their loudest while you are desperately trying to sleep...except...that marching band is marching and pounding (especially the drums) over one spot in your mouth.
Your mouth suddenly grows a mouth of it's own and opens it up and iodine and rubbing alcohol pours into that gaping hole until the end of time...for the rest of your life you'll know that you'll be in so much pain that you'll never be able to work, sit, stand, lay down, talk or eat.
This is how a toothache feels.
:(
Summer
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