Who's its baby... errr, whose it's baby... The Grammar Curmudgeon Speaks Apostrophically Jan 16 '03 (Updated Feb 06 '03)    Write an essay on this topic. Tweet Popular Products in Baby Care Calendula Cream 2oz From $12 Dex Products Universal Safe Sleeper Bed Rail From $40 The Bottom Line Learn what an apostrophe's for, when to use it, and when not to use it. Please? The apostrophe is used mainly in hand-lettered small business signs to alert the reader than an "S" is coming up at the end of a word... (Dave Barry) What the British call the greengrocer’s apostrophe long ago crossed the pond, and now flourishes here on the lefthand side of the Atlantic. Though greengrocers* are rare on these shores, their apostrophes are not. "What," you might ask, "is a greengrocer’s apostrophe?" It’s easier to show you than to explain. Imagine these signs in your neighborhood grocery: orange’s: $1.39/lb radishe’s: $0.59 each onion’s: $1.99/bag See the pattern? A greengrocer’s apostrophe is a superfluous punctuation mark inserted before an "s" that makes a word plural. Sorry, fans of the usage: every one of those signs is wrong. In fact, with a few very specific exceptions, an apostrophe is never used to form the plural of a word. It's occurred to me on more than one occasion that, were I to collect a mere penny for every misused apostrophe on Epinions, I could raise my income share by a factor of about 6,000,000% -- though perhaps I'm pessimistic. Would I get any pennies from you? Here, take a look: What Apostrophes Actually Do Apostrophes are used in written English for two reasons: They mark the position of omitted letters, either in contractions ("I have" shortened to I’ve; "does not" shortened to doesn’t) or in colloquial speech (gone fishin’ or goin’ to town). They are used to form possessives (the dog’s collar; Mike’s friends; the horses’ manes). Note, however, that possessive pronouns do not contain apostrophes (my, your, his, her, its, theirs). That's about it. Common Goofs When Using Apostrophes Using an apostrophe to form plurals of ordinary words: wrong: We have three dog’s. right: You have two dogs? wrong: Look at the crow’s on the roof! right: The crows have all flown away. Confusing the contraction it’s (the shortened form of "it is") with the possessive pronoun its: wrong: Its almost time for dinner. right: It’s too early to eat. wrong: The dog bared it’s teeth. right: The dog wagged its tail. Using an apostrophe to pluralize a proper noun, such as a name (believe it or not, their plurals are formed just as if they were ordinary words): wrong: There are six Heather’s in my daughter’s preschool. right: There are five Caitlins in my son’s kindergarten class. wrong: The Smith’s live here. right: The Smiths live over there, in the yellow house. (This error is so common that some linguists call it the "mailbox painter’s apostrophe"; the US equivalent of the UK’s greengrocer’s apostrophe.) Using an apostrophe to pluralize a set of initials (or abbreviation) or numbers used as a noun: wrong: There are three new DVD’s and two CD’s I want to buy. right: I already bought two new DVDs and three CDs. wrong: If you remember the 60’s you weren’t there. right: Weren’t the 80s the "me" decade? There are Always Exceptions: In this case, however, they are few (per the Chicago Manual of Style, 12th edition, 1982): Use an apostrophe to pluralize lower-case letters used as words: Mind your p’s and q’s. Tic-tac-toe is played with x’s and o’s. Use an apostrophe to form the plurals of words used as nouns; however this rule holds only when the use of an unadorned "s" might be confusing: Here is a list of do’s and don’ts. Santa’s laugh is three rapid ho’s. Why Bother? Sure, it take’s a little extra work to put apostrophe’s in the right place’s and leave them out when theyre not needed. And youre probably right when you say that almost everybody get’s it wrong from time to time. But a’s your mommie’s all 'said, "Ju’st becas’se everybody el’se jump’s off a cliff doe’snt mean you 'should!" In the real world, you’ll be judged by your work. Whether you're writing for a teacher, a boss, or a client, you should always put the best possible face on your work. Using apostrophes inappropriately suggests to your reader that your work habits are sloppy. No matter whether you’re writing a quick note to a loved one, a letter of application for a job, or a formal report for your business, practice proofreading. And nail down every last one of those apostrophes! This is the second of a series of notes from the Grammar Curmudgeon, an irregular series of… what, "diatribes"? "rants"? "suggestions"? on improving the quality of your writing – not just here on Epinions, but every time you create a sentence, a paragraph, or even a book. Feel free to suggest further topics (I already have a generation’s worth up my sleeve) by emailing me or leaving a comment. See the next Grammar Curmudgeon Rant at Hobgoblins See the previous Grammar Curmudgeon rant at Homonyms * greengrocer: a vendor of fresh fruits and vegetables

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