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Great review.... (Reply to this comment)
by talyseon
...And how lucky your daughter is to have you for a mother. I too realized I took almost none of my mother's advice, which was wise and helpful and on target, but I did take my father's, who when I was 13 bought me a box of condoms and a banana. We sat in the car and practiced until he was sure I would get it on right. The text part of the advice was this; you know right from wrong. When you do wrong, make sure you do it the right way. That advice has saved my life.
Cheers!
Talyseon.
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Feb 27 '08
3:03 pm PST
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"Masturbate--it could save your life." (Reply to this comment)
by AinsleyJo
Check out my review called:
"Masturbate--it could save your life."
http://www.epinions.com/content_91977911940
If this option were more widely-and-openly-accepted, it would help out a lot with raging hormones and related matters.
I applaud your open relationship with your daughter.
Even now (when I'm 50 and my folks are 80 and 85), I never felt the least bit funny in telling them that I had just posted a review of a book about masturbation.
They told me about sexual intercourse when I was 11 or 12 years old and were open to my asking questions before and after this.
I think that kids these days tend to "grow up" too fast re: a lot of things, so it's even more important now to leave the lines of communication open just as you have.
Warmly,
AJ :o)
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Mar 06 '03
2:58 pm PST
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I think the best thing a parent can do for a teen (Reply to this comment)
by Horswispr
is to support their interests BEFORE they're teens. Sexuality is a part of being a teen, but the teens I've known who became victims of their own sexuality were those who hadn't developed a strong sense of what THEY like and who THEY are as they were growing up. An oversimplification, I know, but something I take seriously in my work with kids.
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Feb 22 '03
11:55 am PST
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Thoughtful, caring, realistic (Reply to this comment)
by sundogg99
I'm not there yet, but with kids at ages 14 and 11, it's only a matter of time (and not nearly enough of that!) before I confront these issues. I hope I'll manage it as gracefully and honestly as you did.
Excellent opinion.
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Feb 21 '03
1:58 pm PST
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We must combat... (Reply to this comment)
by chaospump
hormones with ignorance and fear, you libertine Jezebel.
Abstinence until the night of the arranged marriage has worked so well, for so long. Why would we want to change it now?
;]
You have a 17 year-old child? Is your profile pic about 10 years old?
I enjoy your work, and your viewpoint, a lot.
-Aaron
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Feb 20 '03
11:13 pm PST
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Applause! (Reply to this comment)
by ruby950
What a brave and beautiful write up. Thank you for sharing!
Best,
Deborah~
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Feb 18 '03
5:39 am PST
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Comment. (Reply to this comment)
by macresarf1
Dear Becky: Although there are no guarantees, you seem to be going about things the right way.
I wish you and yours continued luck and success.
Regards.
[Macresarf1]
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Feb 13 '03
5:55 pm PST
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I don't have children... (Reply to this comment)
by eskimo101
...but I can recognize the responsibility. Fortunately, many parents are caring and lead by example in many ways. Sex, however, throws yet another curve ball into the mix. Communication and ability to hear what one's children have to say are surely keys to helping kids make the right decisions.
One other thing did strike me - you asked "Is a mother ever ready for her teenage daughter to say she is sexually active?" I'd answer - More so than a father!
Very thought provoking and caring...
- Eskimo
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Feb 11 '03
10:51 pm PST
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Poignant and Loving (Reply to this comment)
by DAnneC
Becky, what a wonderful piece! I thank you for sharing these special and difficult challenges of parenthood. Your heart speaks as clearly as your words.
Regards,
Darla
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Feb 07 '03
6:19 am PST
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As a father with three...... (Reply to this comment)
by popsrocks
......girls 20, 15, and 13 I am always hoping they will do what is right. I know an iron fist and set rules will never help. Openness and trust is what can.
I have two other so children, boys. One is 28 and married and doing well with his life. The other is now twenty, got a girl pregnant, and her family wanted her to get an abortion. My wife and I strongly believe that it is a life within the womb. We took the girl into our home, she had the baby, and she is now two years old. We share our home and life with both of them. She is a wonderful mother. I still do not know what the future between my son and the girl will be. They live in separate rooms. That is under my insistence. I do have the other three girls and this is an issue that we have now all lived with and through. I am hoping my girls learn from it. The girl is now going to college to be an RN. She is doing well. Once she is set she will live her life on her own with our grand daughter or perhaps marriage will happen and my son will be involved.
I always pray for the best and help in any way I can.
Thanks again for your thoughts,
Phil
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Feb 06 '03
11:16 am PST
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Thanks for writing such an open review! (Reply to this comment)
by a_southern_mom
I think you handled the matter wisely, and must be a terrific Mom!
I also think this could have been a difficult review to write, and that the subject matter from a parent's perspective is written about rarely.
You wrote about reality.
Your daughter is very lucky!
Becky
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Feb 04 '03
6:28 am PST
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I don't think I agree about sexuality being at the... (Reply to this comment)
by amysmum
...mercy of hormones for teenagers. Yes, the urges are there, but so is the ability to say no.
While I wouldn't go along with all that you've
written, I admire your honesty with your daughter
and your love for her shines out.
Catriona
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Jan 28 '03
9:06 am PST
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Great Advice (Reply to this comment)
by tbthorn
I bet you're a great mom. You've chosen to recognize that your daughter can think and come to an educated decision, rather than just lecturing her. Teens will have sex, with or without birth control. Very nicely written.
take care,
tom
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Jan 26 '03
9:24 pm PST
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I hear ya... (Reply to this comment)
by char.mike
loud & clear! Your daughter is very lucky to have a mom like you. It's nice to hear of a teen who is willing to talk with a parent about such a sensitive subject AND have a parent willing to listen. Smiles, Char
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Jan 26 '03
8:52 pm PST
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Yikes! (Reply to this comment)
by sblaydes,  in Kids & Family
All I have to say is ... when I read the title of your review ... it sent shivers through my body! :) Boy, apparently I am just not ready for this to happen yet.
Suzanne
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Jan 26 '03
12:51 pm PST
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Great Review... (Reply to this comment)
by vemartin
Becky,
I applaud your stance with you daughter. I applaud it because I support 1000%. I have told my own 14 year old daughter (who looks like she’s 21) that while I would rather she wait to have sex until she is in committed loving, mutually respectful relationship, I am not so blind, not arrogant to believe that she will let logic ruler heart. If ever it comes to pass that she decides to have sex, I want her to be first and foremost informed, about he birth control choices. Like you, I would rather she come to me for her birth control needs, then Planned Parenthood, or worst, her friends.
When the time comes, and I know it will, I only hope that we have a strong enough relationship that she can come to me like your daughter did without fear of recrimination, of judgment. Kudos’ to you fellow Parent in Arms!
~The Bard~
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Jan 26 '03
8:14 am PST
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This talk is never easy (Reply to this comment)
by glomarrone
Hi,
You are fortunately that your daughter discussed this with you first. Most teens don't discuss this with their parents. Obviously you raised her right. She felt safe bringing up the issue with you.
Thanks for bringing it up here on the site. Perhaps some other parent will read this and be helped by it.
gloria
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Jan 26 '03
8:11 am PST
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You handled it (Reply to this comment)
by msmorvay
exactly the way I would have as well. I think the fact that you have such great open communication with your daughter is fantastic. On another note, I had thought that you were on my web of trust for the longest time. I just noticed that you were not and added you immediately. I am very sorry, I honestly thought I had added you a long time ago. Take care and thanks for sharing your experience on a very important subject.
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Jan 26 '03
7:53 am PST
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A good opinion. (Reply to this comment)
by lowdog420
I believe that birth control is a great contraceptive, but... You said yourself disease is one of your top fears. the one disadvantage i see to birth control is that because you know you can;t get pregnant, you don;t use other forms of contraceptive either. So your chance of pregnancy is nearly 0 yet your chance of disease is still very much a concern. Just another one of the million things to keep inmind about the subject.
Dan
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Jan 25 '03
11:45 pm PST
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good job on raising her (Reply to this comment)
by jankp
Sounds like what I would do too. :-)
Jan
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Jan 25 '03
11:09 pm PST
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My little guy (Reply to this comment)
by bops_mom
will be 5 tomorrow and I can tell you I know I'll not be ready for these talks ever. But you better believe I'll have them with him, ready or not. No matter what anyone else may think or feel, it certainly sounds like you're doing what is best for your daughter by being there for her and making sure she knows the facts.
Happy Birthday to your daughter on Tue.!
Melissa
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Jan 25 '03
8:05 pm PST
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Good Advice (Reply to this comment)
by SurgRN911
And you are wise to keep the lines of communication open between you and your daughter. I had an open relationship like that with my son, and now that he is 29 and a caring, responsible adult and father, I like to think part of it was his foundation.
Good for you and keep it up, especially during the hard subjects. You won't regret it.
Di
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Jan 25 '03
10:27 am PST
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No easy answers... (Reply to this comment)
by jcrismon
but how great that your daughter feels safe to talk honestly with you. Not many children today have someone to talk to - she is blessed and so are you.
Jennifer
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Jan 25 '03
9:37 am PST
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