Kill my son-in-law...Please!!! - stockholder's W/O

Feb 9, 2003 (Updated Feb 20, 2003)

The Bottom Line There is only one positive thing that could come out of having such a major idiot in your life - and that is sharing your stories. Thanks for reading.

My idiot son-in-law write-off goes much deeper than just ripping on someone for being an idiot. This worthless son-in-law of mine is unfortunately in my life forever. In order to keep the outstanding relationship that I have with my grandson and to see my daughter that I love very much, I am forced to spend time with this clumsy creature almost every day of my life.

My daughter knows how much I despise this idiot for his laziness, his obnoxious behavior, his 10,000-calorie a day diet, his loud cologne, his overflowing earwax, his white trash wardrobe and most of all for simply breathing the same air as my daughter and grandson. But my daughter always tries to be the peace maker between us; even though she knows better than anyone what kind of mess she is married to. After all, she has to come home every day after a hard days work to see her worthless husband lounging around doing nothing but stinking up the house with his farts and drinking cheap beer.

This moron has been unemployed for around seven out of the ten years since meeting my daughter. Most recently, my son, who is making an outstanding living for himself, made the mistake of giving him a job working with him. This son-in-law of mine could not meet the basic requirements to keep the job. He flunked the exam three times that is required by law to work in my son’s profession. Now he is back at home, on the couch feeling sorry for himself. This goof sincerely believes “times are tough right now” and work is hard to find. I told this genetic misfit that times are only tough for worthless idiots that are afraid to get their hands dirty. Even though this guy is the sloppiest creature on two feet, he feels he is too good to work a hard labor job. He is holding out for a desk job - even though he has absolutely no skills. This mope has never turned on a computer in his life, yet he feels he deserves to work in an office making “the big bucks”.

The last job he had was working as a bartender at his favorite corner bar. This big lush was in heaven for about six months sitting in the bar sucking down free beer and shooting pool all night. But the owner of the bar came to his senses and fired the beer bellied idiot when he realized he drank three beers for every one he sold, not to mention when closing time came he was often too drunk and lazy to cleanup. One night after getting completely inebriated he stopped charging the customers and gave away hundreds of dollars in liquor. My daughter also heard from her best friend’s husband that he frequented a prostitute that night. She said that he paid $20 and took some street hooker in the men’s room for oral sex. But somehow he found a way to lie his way out of a divorce and I was told not to confront him about it.

His job previous to that was also a nightmare and lasted less than a year. Even though he was worthless on the job, years later the oaf is still collecting workman’s compensation for hurting his back. He was driving a forklift for a major shipping company and somehow he slightly twisted his back as he attempted to lift something heaver than his five pound limit. The leach worked his way through the doctors and lawyers and he has been collecting a check ever since. This free money that he receives every month allows him to be the insufferable pathetic boozehound that he is, it makes him quite happy to see his wife and even his son accomplish more in a day than he accomplishes in a month. In my eyes, my seven year-old grandson is the man of the house.

Because of how stressful my daughter’s life is with this guy, I will not lay into him while she is around. We both try not to argue when she is there. Although this slobbering monkey brain often enjoys getting my temper out of control by attempting to play games with me. While my daughter is with us, he starts getting on my nerves by touching me a lot and calling me dad, then when my daughter walks away, not even a second later he starts calling me “old fuck” under his breath.

When I’m stuck spending the entire day with him, I usually take it upon myself to introduce him to everyone one that we meet. If we are sitting down in a restaurant, I will ask the waitress to speak slowly to him - that he is missing half of his brain and he has a hard time understanding spoken words. When we eat at fast food places like White Castle or Burger King , I always make sure to ask for a job application on his behalf. When meeting someone for the first time, I will introduce him as my daughter’s ex-husband. These kinds of statements make him slightly angry, but he has become so used to the way that I treat him, that he doesn’t even bother correcting me anymore. He always waits for the person to walk away and then he whispers something really nasty to me. That’s another reason why I hate this guy, he is very sneaky, he always wants me to look like the instigator.

If my son-in-law were simply a blundering idiot, someone who was not very bright but was a good person, I would not have a problem with him. But he has a horrible mean streak in him; this punk enjoys watching the pain and suffering of others. A good example of his rotten nature came last month during the Super Bowl. He came over to my son’s Super Bowl party with the sole intentions to get on my nerves. He knew I had a large sum of money wagered on the Oakland Raiders, so he decided to laugh and jump around as Tampa Bay scored early and often. Now this idiot could not name one player on either team, but he wanted to make his non-athletic, uncoordinated fat ass feel better by rooting and cheering against me. He never realized how close he was to being beaten to death that night, I had thoughts of grabbing a nearby golf club and cracking open his big fat lactating gelatin head. But the thought of my daughter and grandson saved him.

There have been many different occasions that being married to my daughter and being the father of the fartknuckle have saved him from severe amounts of pain. Years ago this fat slob decided to drive intoxicated – Normally that would be something that would make me smile and daydream of the glorious possibilities, but this night the idiot decided to get behind the wheel drunk out of his mind with my grandson in the backseat. As soon as this drunken’ baboobskin stumbled in the door, I decided to attempt several elbows across his head. As drunk as he was, the only thing he could do is crumble to the ground in tears as I pounded and kicked him into submission. But again, the thought of my daughter coming home and catching me in the backyard digging his shallow grave came to mind.

I have four kids and a sister and they are all married, and he is the only one that has married into the family that I have a problem with. I like to think that I did such a good job raising my kids and my younger sister that they were able to make great choices when it comes to spending their lives with someone. But for some reason my eldest daughter picked the lemon of all lemons. I feel that she is such a good person that she has a hard time seeing flaws in people, even though his flaws are extremely obvious to everyone.

Don’t get me wrong, I would love to wake up one morning to find that my idiot son-in-law has turned into a success. I hope and pray every day that this buffoon gets his act together. I would love to see him start bathing every day, stop drinking everyday, get a job, stop being a humongous poontang and start being a husband and a father. But it looks like he is happy with what he is and I guess an idiot can not change its spots. So I am now accepting applications - Will someone please kill my son-in-law!?!


Part II – Idiot vs. Beast

If you’re feeling a strong desire to read about more idiots, please check out the following participants in my idiot write-off.

Written by Guile176
Written by atchesonate
Written by age6racer
Written by small_batch
Written by misc_el
Written by Thorbjore
Written by Granniemose
Written by Lorace
Written by HawgWyld
Written by Imprimis2
Written by youngchinq
Written by Bounty628
Written by PacManY2J
Written by artbyjude
Written by Penguinlady
Written by jenb123
Written by dedemw
Written by ginzo
Written by ned1
Written by AdaDavis
Written by gaelkm
Written by fuche_bu
Written by italiandude707
Written by Beerbrain
Written by unhappycarrie
Written by tombarnes

tombarnes ~ ned1 ~ misc_el ~ Ghettofabchick ~ gaelkm ~ Bounty628 ~ fuche_bu ~ Penguinlady ~ fountain-head ~ PacManY2J ~ frostiepekkle ~ Thorbjore ~ dedemw ~ Guile176 ~ small_batch ~ Lorace ~ pambo ~ youngchinq ~ jenb123 ~ Ginzo ~ granniemose ~ atchesonate ~ Beerbrain ~ italiandude707 ~ age6racer ~ HawgWyld~ Imprimis2~ artbyjude ~ unhappycarrie ~ AdaDavis ~ stockholder

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