"She said what?" (Stockholder's Son-In-Law Write-Off)Feb 8, 2003 (Updated Feb 9, 2003) Write an essay on this topic.
The Bottom Line A dumb, dumb, dumb statement that I'll remember until the day I die.
When I got an invitation from Stockholder to join this here write-off, the idea intrigued me. I spent a couple of weeks trying to think of some truly moronic people I've met in this life and had compiled a pretty good list. I've got this sister-in-law that's pretty damn stupid (or, maybe she's just too young to know any better). I've got a couple of cousins that could write for The Idiot's Guide to Stupidity. There's that idiot sociology teacher I annoyed back in college, the head football coach of the Arkansas Razorbacks and all sorts of morons roaming free on the planet.
But, then, I couldn't help but think about the most idiotic statement I've ever heard. While that might violate Stockholder's rules on this whole thing, I think I'll roll with that one. Truly, this particular statement was truly moronic and indicative of a society going straight to hell. Let me tell you fine folks a little story.
Back when I was in college, a fellow freshman brought his girlfriend up for a visit one weekend. The idiotic statement came from her (I'll get to that later). For the sake of anonymity, I'll refer to here as Trashy Trollop X. She isn't entirely stupid, but she said something several years later that certainly was idiotic (I'll get to that later -- laying in the background takes some time, you know).
Now, Trashy Trollop X was a senior in high school when she visited the aforementioned freshman. She arrived on campus as a student the following year and spent the first three years of her college experience hopping from bed to bed. Since the overrated private college I went to only has about 1,000 students at any given time, it was perhaps inevitable that the last bed she hopped into belonged to a friend of mine. I shall refer to that poor soul as Smitten Friend Y.
Yep, you guessed it. Smitten Friend Y wound up marrying said woman. While I shared an apartment with Smitten Friend Y during our senior year in college and the wedding was set for the day after graduation, I didn't bother to show up to watch my doomed friend get married. I figured it would all end badly as Trashy Trollop X wasn't exactly the faithful type. I figured it would all end quite badly and, indeed, I was right.
After two years of marriage, Trashy Trollop X ran out on Smitten Friend Y with some fellow she met in a bar at some point. Trashy Trollop X ran off to New York with her paramour and divorced poor ol' Smitten Friend Y.
Around the time of the divorce, I was being miserable in law school (a condition which lasted through graduation, by the way). Smitten Friend Y told me of his troubles, and I figured that was the last I'd hear of Trashy Trollop X.
But, no! It wasn't the end. A few months after the divorce, Smitten Friend Y (the poor bastard) called me. He said Trashy Trollop X had gotten pregnant and had married the aforementioned paramour. Smitten Friend Y seemed a bit confused about something during the conversation.
"Okay, so what's going on?" I inquired.
"You're not going to believe this," he replied. "She supposed to give birth in a few months. She asked me to be the Godfather of her baby."
That, my friends, is the most idiotic thing I've ever heard. What the hell was Trashy Trollop X thinking? Running off on Smitten Friend Y with a paramour, marrying the paramour and then asking Smitten Friend Y to be the father of her kid? Stupid, stupid, stupid all the way.
Stockholder organized this write-off in honor of his one-year anniversary at Epinions. So, congratulations to Stockholder and I sure as hell hope we're treated to at least another year of rants about his idiot-son-in law, reviews of the finest fast food joints on the planet and other such ramblings.
Now that you've been bored to death with my entry, please check out some better submissions by visiting Stockholder's profile page. If you don't want to click on the quick and easy links there, visit the profile pages of the following participants:
tombarnes ~ ned1 ~ misc_el ~ Ghettofabchick ~ gaelkm ~ Bounty628 ~ fuche_bu ~ Penguinlady ~ fountain-head ~ PacManY2J ~ frostiepekkle ~ Thorbjore ~ dedemw ~ Guile176 ~ small_batch ~ Lorace ~ pambo ~ youngchinq ~ jenb123 ~ Ginzo ~ granniemose ~ atchesonate ~ Beerbrain ~ italiandude707 ~ age6racer ~ Imprimis2 ~ artbyjude ~ stockholder
One final note. Stockholder has invited all interested folks to "crash the party" and submit something of their own. Certainly, I advise doing just that as this particular write-off has been an absolute hoot. Join up and join me, good ol' Hawg, in wishing Stockholder a happy first anniversary at Epinions!
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