The Idiotic Lamb - ( Stockholder's S-I-L W/O) Feb 09 '03 (Updated Feb 20 '03)    Write an essay on this topic. Tweet Popular Products in Music Jersey Boys [Original Broadway Cast Recording] by Original Broadway Cast From $8 Mai by Eri Sugai From $4 The Bottom Line The worst part about idiotic behavior is that it is Catching! Read on..... I want to congratulate Stockholder for putting up with us for 1 whole year! How neat that Valentine’s Day is his anniversary for he has won many of our hearts with his great, sometimes outrageous, Epinions. He’s a person who is faithful to his friends, through thick and thin, and who loves to shock us with his Archie Bunker attitude. On to a real idiotic person. ================================= Notice I said idiotic. For some reason, I hate to call anyone an idiot, for each of us has some idiosyncrasy, to one degree or another, that could be pointed out. And I’d hate to be called an idiot. But a degree of idiocy is hugely apparent, at times, in others. Take artists, musicians, actors, etc. How often they are rude, thoughtless, and totally inconsiderate and it gets chalked up to their being “temperamental.” Oh, sure. Let’s just figure because they happen to have a wonderful talent, we can totally excuse these actions? I don’t think so. I play the piano. When people say I’m a pianist, I don’t recognize myself, because I, of all persons, know my weaknesses at the keyboard. With that behind us, I’ll begin the tale of the most horrendous night I ever had, which was brought about by the most idiotic person I’ve ever known. The Setting Are you familiar with Cantatas? Most Protestant churches hold these performances on special holidays like Easter and Christmas. They are almost like small operettas. They are stories told in song. Generally, a choir and its leader, instrumentalists and soloists take part in these celebratory songfests, performing them 2 or 3 times prior to the holiday. Cantatas are not performed overnight. It takes about six months of preparation and practice in order to put on a flawless performance. The last two weeks of practice are always frantic, culminating in a full-dress rehearsal, where the jitters set in, but we’re all in it and things are fine. Our Cantata The one I’ve never forgotten was a Christmas Cantata. It was written by John Peterson and was aptly named, “Carol of Christmas.” The dress rehearsal went perfectly, although one tenor whom I will call Ferdinand, because that was not his name, gave me his usual problems. He had a horrifying way of setting his own time for a number, while his beautiful voice soared to the rafters. Now I believe in free-expression, and poetic license, but his license expired a long time ago, and it always was difficult for me to keep my expression pleasant with him. He drove me up the wall, in other words. He liked to zig when I zagged and I swear my fingers became glue upon the keys when I had to accompany him. Anytime I’d have to do that, I’d ignore his little disdainful looks and his tsk tsk’s, and fill in for his many lapses or catch up to his many zooms. You get the picture, I’m sure. Except for the exercise in futility with Ferdinand, everything went fine in this final rehearsal. The Opening Night Arrives Wow! I had my hair done, put on my sparkly dress, shared the jitters with all the performers (about 50 of us) in the choir room and walked out onto the darkened stage and ----. Wait a minute? Darkened stage? No one had bothered to mention that little detail to me. I sat down at the Grand Piano. An itsy-bitsy light was hooked to it, shining on my 75-or-so-pages book of music. How thoughtful of someone! Oh, dear Lord, I cried. No! But it had to be. In the dark, I worked with the brass and string sections, tuning up their instruments, which is always pleasant for the audience to have to endure. I looked out at the congregation and the place was packed, SRO, even the balcony was full. It was to be quite a night. Picture It To picture it: You’re looking at your screen and you’re in the audience. The choir is looking directly back at you, altos & tenors, left, sopranos & basses, right. I’m seated at the Grand piano at the left of your screen, the organist is seated on the right of your screen. The orchestra is seated in front of you but it’s offstage, down on your desk. And, hopefully, the director will appear and he’ll be in the X center of your screen. X-marks the director. Okay? The Choir enters and we begin Oh, great. The house lights go down and the little lights attached to the music stands in the brass section are blinding me. It’s darker than pitch in here, the dim lights for the choir are faced away from me and make it even more eerie. Even the director’s podium has a tiny light attached. I’m wondering if I’ll be able to see him. Please understand that in these Cantatas the organist is for the audience’s benefit, but the pianist has the performers at heart. She must realize when someone is off key, stressing certain notes, and be alert to timing problems, while always following the director’s cues, even if she can hardly see him. The choir enters from both sides as the organist and I begin playing the Prelude. John, the director, pauses beside my piano and, as I play, I tell him about the lights on the brass section. He assures me he’ll get them fixed, and then gave me a message from the void below. “Be sure to play Ferdinand’s introduction slowly as he is bringing a live lamb with him.” Oh? A minor detail that was never mentioned. What else can go wrong? I thought. Little did I know. The Director is in his place, the lights on the brass section are now decorated with silver foil, the Prelude is finished, and a Hush falls over the place. Carol of Christmas This was big time in a small way! Everyone is keyed up, everyone is striving for perfection. And it went perfectly up to a point. The choir performed flawlessly and each soloist was marvelous. It was almost breathlessly beautiful. The introductions to each piece were actually short interludes, intricate for the pianist, to please the audience and to prepare the musicians for the next number. It came time for Ferdinand’s number, the crowning glory to this whole performance. I played the page and a half introduction very slowly to give him time to come out from the wings with the lamb in his arms. The intro ended. No tenor came out of the wings. It was in my hands. So I chose to replay the entire introduction, which was truly difficult, but beautiful. I paused. Still no tenor appeared. The director was mouthing some words in my direction. Now I may be many things, but I am NOT a lip-reader, especially when those lips are in the dark. As I played the intro for the third time, a whisper was coming in my direction from the alto section. “Play page 65,” finally got to me. Now page 65 was a good 7 pages back from where we were. “I’ve played page 65,” I hooted across the darkness, my fingers growing numb, and my mind screaming, “This CAN’T be happening!” “Play it, again!” was the answering plea. So, I played it again. And the choir sang that entire number once more, and we arrived at our tenor’s introduction. I dutifully played his intro for the fourth time, my eyes frantically searching the door in the wings for any sight of Ferdinand and his flowering lamb! Intro’s done! No Ferdinand. No lamb. I wondered if he was still at the farm searching for just the right beast. Director’s mouthing words to me. And at that moment, I calmly placed my hands in my lap and absolutely refused to play another note! Now, I guess that was idiotic, but I had absolutely had it and I needed to find a hole in which to descend! In what seemed like an eternity of total silence, a lamb and a man walked through that door. I played his introduction at a good clip and then he took over. He zigged and I zagged, but it mercifully came to an end! I can’t recall if the lamb bleated or not, but he should have! End of Story This cantata was meant to last only an hour, it lasted 30 minutes longer than that. But in those 30 minutes, I realized that I am as temperamental as any other musician, and as idiotic as any man who may be carrying a lamb in his arms. Please excuse me! ===================== Thanks for reading, Lorace Please read the fine contributions to Stockholder’s S-I-L Write-off, and I thank him for asking me. He has hyperlinks to each entry on his Profile Page. tombarnes ned1 misc_el Ghettofabchick gaelkm Bounty628 fuche_bu Penguinlady fountain-head PacManY2J frostiepekkle Thorbjore dedemw Guile176 small_batch Lorace pambo youngchinq jenb123 Ginzo granniemose atchesonate Beerbrain italiandude707 age6racer

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