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So many idiots, so hard to pick one! - Stockholder Son-In-Law Write-OffFeb 11 '03 Write an essay on this topic.
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The Bottom Line I've been an idiot myself and and met a lot of them - in person and online - here is a list of my favorite all time idiots.
When the fabulous Stockholder asked me to join in his one year anniversary write-off inspired by his idiotic son-in-law - I couldn't contain my excitement and signed right up. For a year I've been reading his tales about this idiot, and thought there was no better way to say thanks for all those stories and laughs than to write a piece about an idiot in my life. I thought what perfect timing - it's been a while since I ranted about anything - so now might be a good time to get out that pent up frustration. Plus, how cool is it to slam an idiot so close to greeting card coalition's national day of love. However, as I sat down to put finger to keyboard I began to panic - after all, Stockholder's son-in-law is a first class idiot - how could I ever find anyone in my life that came close to him. So I thought, let me a list out a few of my all time favorite idiots and see who jumps off the page, and I'll talk more about him or her. OK, since it has to be about someone I met, I guess I can't rant about the genius who put the Braille keypad on the drive-up ATM or the ad agency who put out the advertisement for the re-connect phone service you can call if your phone has been disconnected (huh, your phone has been disconnected, how are you going to call them?) I assume it has to be a real person - so that excludes my number one choice - Barbie, and the idiots at Mattel who think kids actually believe she's smart enough to be an Astronaut, School Teacher, Pediatrician and any career that requires thinking. Please back in the early 90s they were even smart enough to program Barbie to say, "math class is tough." When did she stop finding it tough and go on to earn that advanced degree? So now let's move on to real idiots I have met - ~~ My first boss ever at Baskin Robbins who despite seeing I was well endowed gave me a button up shirt three sizes to small because he was too cheap to buy me a new one in my size. Let's just say he finally had a moment of clarity when one evening my shirt came unbuttoned as I scooped up a gallon of ice cream and my boob came flying out (and since I was a teen, I wasn't wearing a bra). Of course, I could have won the award that evening. Being a naive 15 year old, I actually asked the lecherous old guy I was scooping the ice cream for why he didn't tell me my boob was hanging out. DUH!!! ~~ My roommate from my sophomore year of college, who would "study" for exams with the radio blaring. Any smart person could observe that she spent more time changing the channels than studying, yet she could never understand why her test grades were so low. ~~ My friend in college who kept writing checks despite knowing she had no cash in the account - her defense, "since I had more checks than cash, I should be able to use them all up." Let's hope she got her Mrs. degree. ~~ My biology professor in college who thought it would be "fun" for students to test our blood to find the type and see how you ended up with your blood type - based on what your parent's blood types were. Of course that little experiment didn't turn out so fun for one girl in the class, and her mom. Seems that fun blood test proved her dad couldn't be her dad and mom had some explaining to do. ~~ My Poly Sci professor who would call my home to leave messages about my senior paper and would always spell his last name - dude, I had about 20 classes with you, I think I know who you are and how to spell your name. ~~ This is a classic - my Sociology professor who was way into the Amish, thought it would be "fun" (yes, again with the fun - when will they learn) to take our class on field trip to eat dinner and hang out with an Amish family he was friendly with. He failed to factor in that the campus slut was in the class - let's just say the fur (or sensible polyester) flew when she was discovered making out with one of the sons in the barn. That was the last time for that field trip and friendship. ~~ An old boyfriend who never once said he liked or loved me, but every time he looked at my boobs would utter phrases like, "I like them” or " I love them." Please, are you dating part or all of me - I actually appreciate his idiocy - he saved me a lot of time and effort - I quickly found I needed to kick him to the curb. ~~ My boyfriend senior year - of course there is a fine line between idiot and @ss, so I think he disqualifies himself. Let's just say he showed his true colors after I found out I was pregnant. After having been given a walk by me - the choice I gave him, stick it out or hit the bricks - he chose stick it out, stuck around the whole time and then dumped me after I delivered - leaving me with no ride home from the hospital. I could go on and on about what an idiot he has been over the past 14 years - only 20 bucks in child support (his argument - he doesn’t want to pay to support me), his lack of caring and sending cards to recognize his child on her birthday - like he could forget that date - she was born on his brother's birthday, or his rotten attitude about having a relationship with his daughter - he loves to toy with her emotions - he'll e-mail he once or twice, but then bore of her or whatever his pathetic excuse is and never answers her months on end - let's just say I have finally put an end to them communicating until he can be an adult and treat her with respect. Like I said he's more @ss than idiot so I'll move on. ~~ The OB who almost killed me and my baby when I went into “premature” labor with my first son. Being that the office was split about my due date, there was some worry when I went into labor and dilated 3 cms approx 2 to 4 weeks before my due date. I was being monitored in the hospital and of course the idiot OB from the group, that I hated, was on rounds that day. As the contractions progressed, he decided to stop labor with some drug. After scaring my husband and I to death about tiny our baby might be and how sick he might be, he gave me a shot of something. Immediately I said I can’t breathe. He was like “whatever” and continued to ignore me saying my heart was pounding. When the contractions continued, he gave me another shot and I thought I would die. My normally low blood pressure soared off the charts and the nurse was very worried. Dr. Idiot was screaming emergency c-section. Lucky for me the contractions slowed down and after my heart rate evened out I was released. 4 weeks later I gave birth to a 9 lb 23” baby – so had I delivered early he would have weighed about 7 lbs. Dr. Idiot never tried to look at or weigh him with a sonogram – if he had, he would have seen how big he was and might have just let me deliver him early. I am glad to report that after that incident, he was fired from the group. ~~ The California DMV and the ultimate idiot customer service rep. This is great - after moving from California and alerting the DMV of the move, we continued to get a bill for renewing our automobile registrations. They were actually mailing the bill to our Maryland address and asking us why we didn't believe we needed to pay to register our cars. A total idiot rep kept calling and threatening to report us and cut off our insurance if we didn't pay the registration fee - at that point we were in Maryland for about 6 months and had traded in the CA plates and registrations for Maryland ones. I asked the rep, "What area code are you calling? What address are you mailing the bill to? Are either in the state of California?" "What date did I change my plates from CA to MD? Wasn't it before the registration fee came due?" "If you're calling me in MD, why should I pay money to California?" Her reply - "Pay the registration fee or else." It took many more months to get the higher ups at the DMV to comprehend that we had moved and shouldn't have to pay the fee - since our cars were registered in another state. ~~ The idiot at work who was too cheap to buy their own milk and took almost all of mine - problem was that was no ordinary milk in that orange Tupperware container, it was my breastmilk that I left in the company fridge by mistake. I'm sure they felt so much better about their idiocy after I sent out a company wide e-mail thanking them for drinking my breastmilk. Moving on, I have met many great/nice folks at Epinions, but I have also met a lot of idiots – since I can’t name user names, I’ll just lump them into groups. The idiot who joins just to leave a comment and never does anything else on the site. I have met many of them – each one dumber than the next. My recent pregnant Barbie reviews got a lot of idiots to join and leave comments. My favorite sub-grouping of these idiots are the ones that join only to leave a comment about a comment someone else left on your review – somehow incorrectly attributing that comment to you. They seem to think that because it was left on your review, you feel the same way. DUH!! Idiots who join who don’t get the idea that this is a site about individual opinions and can’t seem to be open minded and accept that others who don’t think the narrow minded way they do can have valid thoughts and ideas. Uber Idiots who don’t get you. Like the ones who didn’t get that preggo Barbie review was a goof and I didn’t hate her – heck I LOVE Barbie and Mattel, without them I’d lose half my material. Like the ones who think you agree with them even when you’ve clearly stated you don’t. Early on I wrote a bunch of reviews about TV shows I deemed to be cr@p - or at least shows I wouldn’t let me my kids watch. While I might not like the shows, it certainly isn’t for me to decide what stations pick to air – I know my TV has an off button and I’m willing to use it – I’ve always said that – how could any moron think I’d join a class action lawsuit because they don’t like shows that certain channels air – DUH, you big fat losers turn off the d@mn idiot box and let your kids get some fresh air, or in the least actually care enough about them to know what they are watching before you let the TV baby sit them. Idiots who aren’t mature enough to take corrective criticism and use comments to improve ratings, but choose to revenge rate you and other to “get even.” Like their one low rating on your review doesn’t make them look stupid. And last but not least, I think the biggest idiot I ever met in my life was the jerk from the Maryland Department of Daycare licensing, who after hearing that my 4 month old son had been smothered by his daycare provider and almost died (he stopped breathing for an undetermined amount of time and was very ill when he got to the Emergency Room) said to me, “Why are you complaining about the provider, you should feel lucky, your son lived.” Yes folks, he found no need to go after the daycare provider, who was still watching infants and toddlers, because she didn’t hurt my son enough to kill him, just seriously injure and possibly cause brain damage. Funny thing was, I didn’t feel so “lucky.” Of course I can’t blame the idiotic comment on him, seems that was thinking of the whole department – that unless a baby dies in a daycare center, why rock the boat and investigate. So as you can see, I’ve met a lot of idiots in my life, and boy do I feel good after ranting about them all. I say thanks to Stockholder for inviting me to this little party, I had a blast. Below are a list of all the other participants, and just to add myself to my own list of idiots, I have included my name, because in life I have had some moments myself – I just don’t feel like sharing them right now. tombarnes ~ ned1 ~ misc_el ~ Ghettofabchick ~ gaelkm ~ Bounty628 ~ fuche_bu ~ Penguinlady ~ fountain-head ~ PacManY2J ~ frostiepekkle ~ Thorbjore ~ dedemw ~ Guile176 ~ small_batch ~ Lorace ~ pambo ~ youngchinq ~ jenb123 ~ Ginzo ~ granniemose ~ atchesonate ~ Beerbrain ~ italiandude707 ~ age6racer ~ stockholder  |
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