How to Get Yourself Married With No Other Real Marketable Relationship Skills
Feb 11 '03
The Bottom Line stop asking me for a bottom line!
Seeing as how a couple of other people are doing it - and knowing how much I just absolutely love to follow the crowd - I've decided to break down and break out a list of the ultimate romantic mix tape. And how would I know that secret, you might ask. Well, I'm married. And I owe it all to mix tapes.
When I met my wife I had long hair, thought I was some incarnation or other of Kurt Cobain, did way too many drugs, smoked way too many cigarettes, and was prone to wear the same outfit two days in a row (three if necessary). I skimped on studying (we met our first year in college) in order to play guitar all the time (another reason I got her to like me, but be warned fellas, the wonder wears off. Now, she all but begs me to stop playing when I pick the ol' acoustic up. And to think I once serenaded her...). Yeah, so, basically I was not what would be considered a 'catch' to my wife or her friends. Or for that matter, to a good deal of people. That's where the mix tape comes in. Now keep in mind, this is pre-High Fidelity (book or movie) and it was still cool in a nerdy sort of way to make mix tapes in order to declare your feelings, or at least pass on a part of your soul. And if they didn't like the tape, they weren't worth the time. By the time we got engaged, I think I had given her six or seven mix tapes - which indeed might have been overkill - but I stand by the notion that mix tapes can do wonderous things for a relationship. If nothing else, they can show someone you care, and that you have more than one side to yourself. Unless, of course, you don't. In that case just give her a mix tape full of Metallica songs and she'll get the point.
So, onto the tape then, huh? Keep in mind though, that mix tapes are quite often just as much a tape you wish someone was giving you, rather than a tape you were giving away. And this tape would be no different. Alright, let's get to it then:
God Only Knows - The Beach Boys
The most romantic and wonderful love song perhaps ever written. I still get goosebumps when hearing this song, and I've probably heard it seven thousand times. Perfect in its simplicity and honest in its innocence. God only knows what I'd be without you. If a woman doesn't like you more when you declare this is how you feel about her, then you're probably with the wrong girl.
These Arms of Mine - Otis Redding
Oh yeah, I come complete with soul. Truth be told, it's not hard with a song like this. As I said about the previous song, this is a song that works so well because of its simple beauty and pure emotion. Redding's young death is one of the greatest tragedies in the history of music. As a writer and a singer, he was in a league of his own.
I Cover the Waterfront - The Ink Spots
You gotta show the women that you like rare old stuff too - or else what is the point of the mix tape? Seriously though, this is one of the best songs of its era, recorded by one of its premiere artists. A song about loneliness, wondering and, ultimately, love, "I Cover the Waterfront" is the perfect yearning song. And a nice follow up to the Redding.
So Tired of Being Alone - Al Green
Enough said.
Thirteen - Big Star
Okay, switching gears a bit here, time to move a bit more towards the rock/pop genre. Better to do it with this slow melodic slice of heaven than any other song I can think of. Again, perhaps I have a thing about innocence (can one have an innocence fetish?), but this song - to me - is simple, wonderful, and insanely good. Big Star is often overlooked in the music pantheon, but I couldn't tell you why. They deserved to be the Beatles of their era. This song shows you why.
You and I Are Going to Be Friends - The White Stripes
A perfect companion piece to "Thirteen", very similar in style, theme and naive innocence. It takes you back to a simpler time in life and makes you wish you had never left it.
Here, There, and Everywhere - The Beatles
My wife's favorite Beatles song, and damn near the top of my list as well, even though I'm more of a Lennon guy than a McCartney man. Still, this song is love. Very rarely has the essence of love been captured so well in just three minutes of music.
Say Yes - Elliott Smith
A perfect ending to side one. In fact, end it with this, and you don't even really need a side two. This song probably did more for my relationship than any other. I'm in love with the world, through the eyes of a girl...
Side Two
For Once in My Life - Stevie Wonder
You have to start things upbeat for the second side, and no better way to do it then with a little Stevie. Sure, you can choose any other of about 20 songs of his in this one's place, but it's my tape, and this is the one I pick. Wonder is a complete musical genius, and you really can't go wrong throwing him on any mix tape at any time.
Jealous Guy - John Lennon
You know, to balance the McCartney and all. Yin and yang and what not. A beautiful, aching ballad from one of the true greats. And any song with whistling is inherently good (see Aerocat's recent posting, re: "Patience". I mean if whistling can make Axl Rose appealing, just imagine how good it makes John Lennon seem).
The Scientist - Coldplay
I've said it before, at least twice on this site even, and I'll keep saying it over and over again. This song is the most beautiful and poignant love song of 2002, and is an early candidate for the best love song of the decade. Chris Martin and company have crafted a true gem here, and any girl receiving a mix tape with this song on it would be a fool not to immediately start making out with you.
Scenes from an Italian Restaurant - Billy Joel
You have to make this song the centerpiece of side two. Don't ask me why, you just have to. Even in the midst of my wanna-be grunge early college days, this song found its way onto the very first mix tape I ever made for my wife (at the time just a "friend". but note: as any one who makes mix tapes for others well knows, you don't make them for "friends"). Put this song on your tape and wind up married four years later. It has worked 100 percent of the time in my studies.
Your Song - Elton John
And now to seal the deal. A perfect follow up to the song immediately preceeding it and a sure sign that you, indeed, are a gentleman and a romantic. This song will never lose its power on me, though I couldn't exactly tell you why. And I would deny it to your face. But I love it to death.
I'm the Man Who Loves You - Wilco
Okay, you've convinced her: you're a sweet, romantic guy. Resist the urge to put the Bell Biv Devoe classic, "Do Me", on the tape. How about this little Wilco ditty? A fun piece of upbeat, catchy rock with a bit of a raw edge to it. States your feelings in its title, and grooves its way into your (and hopefully her) heart.
Be My Baby - The Ronettes
Sure, this might seem a bit creepy in light of Phil Spector's recent arrest, but chances are she won't even know he produced this mini-masterpiece anyway, right? The song that Brian Wilson once sat in bed and listened to, stoned, over and over for months upon end - and one he soberly proclaims as the greatest pop song ever written. Plus, it's fun. And you're all about fun, right? Besides, this is the happy fun next to last number that sets up the final heartbreaking song perfectly.
The Luckiest - Ben Folds
Which brings us to the end of the tape, the album closer, the one that'll stick in your head and remind you of the whole tape all at once. You can absolutely do no better than to end with this drop-dead wonderful, sappy but un-sappy ode to finding true love. A beautiful, awkward, heart-warming three and a half minutes of all that is right about being in love.
And that's it. That's all she wrote. Now stop reading this, go make the tape and get yourself a woman already.
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Member: Chad
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