They lied.Feb 18, 2003 Write an essay on this topic.
The Bottom Line They told me that I would get used to this way of life. Even welcome the alone time. They lied.
A little over six years ago I stepped into the shoes of a Navy Wife. I honestly hadn't thought much about what it took to be a military wife. Same as any other wife, right?
You had to leave us again today. It isn't your fault, and we know you didn't want to go. It's your job. Your duty. When you signed that line you knew, as did I, that times like this would come around, but that doesn't make them any easier.
I was ok. I thought. Last night while you packed, I stayed busy. Folded clothes, did some dishes. Read a book. Read another. Anything to keep my mind off what you were doing. And it worked, until this morning.
When you stepped out of the shower this morning and started to dress, I was ok. But then I saw you pull your uniform off of the hanger. That is when it hit me. You were leaving again. It seems like you just came home. It has actually been almost two whole months, but for some reason it seems like less.
You asked if I was ok. I lied. I smiled and said yeah, just tired. You probably knew I was lying, but let it go. You finished dressing and carried your bags to the car.
This was my time to cry. I tried to fight the tears back, but I couldn't do it. A few stubborn tears ran silently down my cheeks while I was in the restroom curling my hair. I heard you come back in the door, so I wiped my face with a cool, damp cloth and pasted a hollow smile on my face.
While I finished getting ready, you got Zack out of bed and put his shoes on. Since it was so early, we left him in his jammies. Poor baby was so tired. You carried him to the car, with me following you out.
We got to the base in plenty of time, despite the traffic. I was ok. We pulled into the terminal and you unloaded your bags. You carried them in while I waited in the car for you to check in and come back out for a short visit. I was ok.
You came back out to the car. I got out to say goodbye. You climbed into the back seat to kiss Zacky goodbye. His smile lit up his blue eyes. He looks so much like you. He was so happy. He had no idea Daddy wasn't going to be coming back home for a while again. He doesn't understand. You kissed him and told him to be good for mommy. I bit my lip holding back the tears.
Then it was my turn. You took me in your arms for a final hug and a kiss goodbye. You whispered "I love you" and walked to the terminal. I said "I love you, too" and got into the car. You were gone. I finally let out the tears I had been fighting.
I don't remember the drive home. I'm not sure how long it took. I listened to the radio and in around the last five minutes of the ride I pulled myself together. Until I pulled onto our street and saw your car parked in front of our apartment building. There were no other cars parked around it. The frost on the windows added to the look of loneliness. The tears started again.
Zack and I came into the apartment. There on top of the TV were the two bears you gave me for Valentine's Day. As I turned around to lock the door behind us, I saw your face smiling down at us from your Cruise picture that was hanging there on the wall. When I went into the kitchen to put Zack's juice in the refrigerator, there sat a vase that holding three red roses, also a Valentine's Day gift from you.
As the tears continued to flow, I hung up our jackets. There, right in the front, was the leather jacket my parents got your for Christmas. I came down the hall, after getting Zack situated with a Wiggles DVD, a sippy cup of apple juice and a bowl of Cheerios, to our bedroom. I sat in my computer chair for a moment. I remembered how you sat here all night trying to get my computer fixed so that we could email while you were gone. It was really giving you fits, and a couple of times you dozed off. You never made it to bed last night.
For that matter, neither did I. I laid on the bed and watched you sleep. I knew it would be a bit before I saw it again. I kept thinking about how you wanted to get out of the Navy. You wanted to stay home with Zack and I and not have to leave. You stayed in for us, though. The job security and medical benefits, right now anyway, were enough that you stayed.
I look around and see all kinds of reminders of you. The glass of milk you didn't get to finish. The towel you used after your shower. It all chokes me up all over again.
They told me that I would get used to you leaving. Some military wives told me that they actually looked forward to a brief break from their husbands, and that I would eventually look forward to the deployments as well. You know what? They lied.
Each time you leave, my heart breaks. Having Zacky not understand where his Dada is and why he isn't home nearly tears my heart out. He will look at your picture, then look at me and scream. Like I made his Daddy go away. That couldn't be further from the truth, but he doesn't understand. Right now he probably thinks Daddy is just at work. Yeah, you are, but he doesn't realize, yet, that work is several hundred miles (and then some) away.
This time, we hope, you'll only be gone 10 days. Last time was 6 long months. The next time? Who knows. But please, know this. We love and miss you while you're gone very, very much. No matter the amount of time you're away, we miss you every minute until you come home. We know you have to go. Knowing doesn't make the pain away.
Will we get used to it? Come to enjoy it? No, we won't. Do we accept it? We have to. We're a military family, and it comes with the job.
We love you, baby! Please, be safe!
|Read all comments (37)|Write your own comment|